The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my f2f group meeting last night, and while I was there, I was so comforted, and felt such love and kinship with everyone there. I went home feeling good about what I am doing with the program. Later that night, however; I started second guessing myself and worrying about things I had said that might have offended or made me look like an idiot. I started imagining that these people I had hugged and smiled and cried with must be thinking badly of me behind the goodwill facade. I realize that this is not true. We are all there to support and not to judge, so WHAT is wrong with me that I torment myself this way? Is this part of my disease I haven't learned about yet? Is anyone else as paranoid as I? Thank you for your support. (Don't have any bad thoughts about me, please.)
(((((Atera)))))))) Don't know if that's common to everyone or not, but I have certainly felt like this in the past. The post below with the subject line referring to "a gentle program" contains some really eye opening questions. When I first found Al-anon I could answer way too many of those questions with a relieved YES. I was amazed to have found and entire group of people that suffered from the same self-defeating thought patterns as me. My friend, please, please, please be gentle on yourself. Self-torment and paranioa have eased for me with time in the program. You're showing great progress by identifying those feelings and looking for the truth in them Keep on coming back and working on you and be easy on my friend Atera, she deserves it
Hello Atera - what u experienced last nite was the unconditional love that only is found in Al-Anon. Everyone has been where your at, confused feeling less than . You will find once settled in this program you are never alone again . Unless of course u choose to be. Use your phone list call when troubled good or bad you don't have to do this alone anymore.
Living with alcoholism ,unconditional love is not something we are acustomed to , A's are always so criticle and negative (nature of the disease) A relationships always come with strings until we learn to detach with love and allow them to be who they need to be . We don't have to like whats going on but when we can accept that we can't change it our life gets easier.
They love us , before we learn to love ourselves . That to me is a Gift. stick with us you have no idea where you can go with this program gently proding you to rediscover the lost YOU. I have been in this program along time and I truly envy u your trip. Louise
Thank you. Louise, speaking from the beginning of the road, as scary and hard as it is, I truly envy you the miles you've put behind you. Someday I will not be afraid of people caring about me, and I will be as accepting of this as you are. Serenity is out there somewhere!
I've stood there too, Atera. Sometimes it's harder for me to love myself than it is to love everyone else, and occasionally it has seemed like everyone was out to get me or thinking badly about me.
But the truth is, though I am very motivated to please people and can't stand for them not to like me (or even to think that they might not), I know I should love myself first and foremost, and I know that I am worthy of said love.
Give yourself a big hug, girl. It's gonna be okay. And eventually, you'll start seeing yourself as being lovable, being unique and wonderful and completely worthy and deserving of other people's affection AND your own.
You are worth saving, worth working on, worth everything you could possibly do for yourself here, and I am so very glad you decided to come.
Much love, A
Edit to add: I've found that at the times in my life when I had the most appreciation for myself, I suddenly was much more at ease with others and felt that they were much more at ease with me. By the same token, when I'm down on myself, it's really easy for me to believe other people are too. I don't like myself, and I believe that they don't like me, either. But. The difference in Al-Anon is that we've pretty much all travelled down the road of self-loathing. We know where you are, and we honestly do love you.
-- Edited by tigerseye at 13:47, 2006-05-03
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Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it. ~Garrison Keillor
I read your post....it was odd that you felt that way, I had a bad experience at my AlAnon meeting too.
I was nodded at alot, noone treated me like I was actually wanted or welcome. I felt stupid and very out of place. I was told about their A's and their A's problems when I asked for information about my situation in the relationship I am in with my A...in a way that made me feel like they wanted to let me know that my issues were NOTHING compared to theirs.
I dont think it was my imagination either.
I think I went on a bad night so I am going to try to go next Tues eve.
I am also contacting the substance abuse recovery center which is across the street from where I work to see if I can get the ladies number that hosts the AlAnon meetings in my small town. Maybe I can talk to her and get some guidance and a welcome to come back.
I will pray for my A and his recovery and for me to find some peace with my decision to love this man the A that he is and the wonderful person being destroyed by alcohol.
You described the scenario I do to myself occasionally so well it made me laugh. I can be in the moment, walk away feeling great and hours later be kicking myself for saying/doing something nobody else probably remembers, or thought was odd in any way. It's hard to let go of feeling isolated and unlovable. I completely agree with Tiger's edit that when I am accepting of myself I find others to be more at ease with me, and vice versa. One day at a time ... I'll keep practicing
OF COURSE we will not think bad thoughts about you. Perhaps you are feeling a twinge of embarrassment for having opened up to these people. I think that is perfectly ok, albeit unnecessary. Now, go ahead with your meetings, take them at face value, and allow yourself to bask in the sunshine of feeling good about yourself. Don't torment yourself with thoughts of things that aren't real. That's negative. Look to the positive. You'll be just fine.
Best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I've done that also. I'm always careful what I say and try to be diplomatic, but I still have my foot in my mouth most of the time. I think we all have gone through that at some time or another. I just do my best and try to be accountable for my words. Come to think of it, I need to work on that more, not to censure myself, but to make sure my words are kind even when I'm provoked.
Keep on coming back and working on you and be easy on my friend Atera, she deserves it 