The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the obstacle that fear can bring to our lives. The writer describes reactions to fear including procrastination, running away or withdrawal. The writer understands that these reactions not only do nothing to help with facing fears, they can actually make situations worse. Through the tools of the program, the writer recognizes fear as a signal that an action or decision of some kind needs to be made.
The writer began to pay attention to when there was action out of fear- reacting rather than acting out of decision making. The writer used the serenity prayer and prayers to HP for courage. Ultimately the writer would make a decision and then trust the outcome to HPs hands.
I have noticed that many times when I am fearful about going forward with something, it usually means I need to absolutely go forward with it. My tendency has been to preemptively make sure I dont fail or get hurt by withdrawing, as the writer described. Self reflection through the program has helped me to recognize this and know that I can trust the outcome of decisions without fear. It might be something relatively small- like walking into a room of people I dont know. What is it that I fear exactly? Looking awkward? Not being sure what to say? Most times if I take those first steps I can see that I have all that I need to feel strong, rather than fearful.
The thought for the day reminds us: With the help of the program and my Higher Power, I can handle almost anything life brings-sometimes hurls-my way. Today I no longer fear my fear.
Happy Sunday MIP. Thank you Mary for the daily and your service. I never thought I had fear - the facade I wore was of strength, intelligence, problem solver, organized 'super woman'. Thus - what I showed outside to others was not a reflection of what was within. It is the presence of great fear that lead me to the insanity this disease brought about within me. Of course, I didn't know what I didn't know and it's taken time and tons of self-reflection to realize how I truly was driven by a hundred different forms of fear for a very long time.
I still get fearful and more often than not, it's because I think I know the outcome(s). I have to pull back and pray simply because I've been told/taught that the opposite of fear is faith. I find great inner peace and strength in accepting that I do NOT know future outcomes, I do NOT know what's in the hearts/minds of others and if I instead just do the next right thing, leaving the outcomes to the God of my understanding, all really does go well. So very often, outcomes are vastly different than I projected/expected and I am finding peace in realizing often, it's way better than I thought.
My mother fell (again) yesterday at her memory care center. It took everything within me to not get in my car, cross the country to be there for both of my parents. I had to be talked back from the edge and am practicing patiently waiting until tomorrow when my father consults with an orth surgeon - my mother broke her shoulder in the fall. She's sore today, has scrapes, bumps and bruises too. It is so very, very hard to be so far away yet that is the reality, just for today.
What this program has done for me and given to me is I went and golfed today. I did not golf well because my mind was all over the place and worry has set it again, yet I 'did the next right thing'...I do enjoy my golf friends and we had a reasonably mild day so it was a good way to spend time. Before this program, I would have either left yesterday, in a state of frenzied worry/concern or I would have been on pins & needles, sitting by the phone for update(s) today. It is frightening and comforting all at the same time in accepting powerlessness once again, over a life event, which will unfold in unknown ways. I am grateful for willingness to practice leaning on recovery and faith in trying times.
If you pray, feel free to include my parents (again or still). Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary for your service and all shares. When I read this yesterday, I was frozen-unable to articulate my thoughts and feelings in a clear and concise manner. HP sent Iamhere to thaw me out! I am afraid I slipped back into some of my old ways-neglecting self care to be there at all hours for my husband. It's important I make time for the gym. The workouts give me energy/strength to perform my duties efficiently, improve sleep, give me alone time and stay plugged in to my community. I noticed at times I was cranky and mean when I needed to be patient/compassionate. Iamhere, I pray that your mother will recover. And MIP family, I appreciate all your hugs, prayers and support. Just taking it one day at a time. March 18th hubby has appointment to review hematoligist's findings and am grateful he has a physical he respects/likes and she meets my expectations :)...Faith not fear....
Hello, gang! Late to this party, but the reading was so important to me, I had to post! Thank you Mary for your service.
As I was reading all the shares, I was formulating what I wanted to say. Then I got to Iamhere's post and they basically said it!! I am of the variety that hides their fear through a facade of capability, intelligence and a "can-do" attitude. However, through several Step 4's and work with my sponsor, I have come to realize that is also how I justify the need to control the outcome. Yes, it has been a learned behavior - I wasn't always like this. But I have found it interesting that it seems to all stem from my FEARS. Some are very real, others are my imagined outcomes. I have to actually work at not "knowing" outcomes. Because in the end, we don't really know. I work at telling myself my HP has complete control of the outcome & I can be secure in that. It is daily work - to let go. LOL!
I appreciate the ability to come here and let my feelings out. I appreciate the wisdom of others who share as well!
Keeping both your parents in my prayers, Iamhere!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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