My post earlier,

I was frustrated with the myself. Frustrated because I know what I need to do. Harder to do it. Somedays are better then others. I have learned something about myself since that post. I can't let things get to me like that it is a trigger for me. I was being unfair to myself in typing some of those statements. So to myself I am sorry. I started thinking about them and not so much of me and my recovery in the beginning. I know that it is a process. I know I am building a strong foundation. I can't rush things in me. I think a part of me just wants to snap my fingers and make my life all fixed. I know that it isn't possible to just do it overnight. When I started this journey I knew it wouldn't be an easy one. I just feel like somedays I just don't make it very far. My belief system got all messed up somewhere. I do hope that my f2f Alanon meeting tonight makes me see things alot differently. I do hope my hp helps me find a sponcer soon. Because I am worried I will find myself back to where I was before and it is becoming clearer to me I need help with my recovery. I come here for support and guidance (sp?). To talk to those that understand where I have been. To gain strength for my journey. I know some of my posts make me sound like I have lost my mind but really I haven't just so lost trying to find my way back. Not always sure how to do that I do have faith in my HP to guide me. Just scared at what I am going to find in me. So much I have learned about me I don't like very much. I have so many feelings and past hurt from so many aspects of my life all hitting me at once with the reading I am doing. I guess I need to slow down. Take it one day at a time like I keep saying. Anyway this post was more to appologize for being all over the place and trying to get what is in my head out. I am dealing with guilt for past things I have done to my own family the ones here and not here, anger for not changing things in my life sooner especially the ones I have done to me. I know I am not perfect. I know I will never be I will always have things in my life to face and things I need to work on. So I guess I am a work in progress. Just learning something new everyday this is what I have learned so far today about me.

God give us the serenity to accept the things we can not change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Angeleyes -  is what I am trying to find again in me