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Post Info TOPIC: 1/11/22 Say Something Often Enough...


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 777
Date:
1/11/22 Say Something Often Enough...


Today's read relates a cautionary tale of a member who held the real and perceived woes of the day in countenance and in any conversation chanced upon. Every opportunity was taken to recount and relive the bad things that seemed to happen and the misdeeds of the alcoholic.

Predictably, her encounters with others lessened as they learned to steer clear of the irrepressible, dark cloud of gloom that she maintained.

In Alanon, she heard an idea: everyone experiences troubles, but the tools and fellowship of Alanon helped turn the focus away from them and toward solutions and peace. 'Try a smile' it was suggested, perhaps that will bring positive change.

It did...
--------------------------
When I think I know all of the details, it's easy for me to excuse the dark cloud or negative energy I contribute as an inevitable consequence of another's behavior.

When I adopt the dark gloom, however, I am actually contributing to the darkness, I thus carry partial responsibility. Alanon suggests that I don't have to contribute to the negative energy, regardless of the circumstances.

When I maintain my spiritual peace in times of difficulty, at the very least I don't make things worse...and quite possibly, if consistently accomplished, I may encourage similar energy in others. Positive energy is contagious...

Grateful for the reminders

 



__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2239
Date:

Thanks Paul for your service and ESH. Working in the field of mental health for many years, I was taught that our thoughts determine our feelings. Thats exactly what alanon teachesI can focus on the bad and feel miserable, or I can focus on the good and have a great day. Ill take the latter!

__________________

Lyne



Senior Member

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Posts: 246
Date:

Thank you Paul for your service. It's exactly what the doctor ordered! Today, I'm in a quiet mood. I'm not sad or mad-just need to be alone to recharge my batteries. "When I maintain my Spiritual peace...at the very least, don't make things worse. " Thank you for that. So, I'll keep positive thoughts as per Lyne's suggestion, go for a long, cold walk (it's -20 °C !) and come back frozen with joy! lol Have a great day.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 330
Date:

I too thank you Paul, Lyne and Daffodils!

I agree Daffodils that this is a very appropriate topic today!

Last night AH went into his usual monthly tirade and as usual I refused to engage, but this time it was

different because AH would not stop getting in my face no matter how much I disengaged. So I turned

to him and told him that I loved him. No response and just turned and walked away.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1376
Date:

Paul, thank you for sharing this reading.

Lyne, Daffodils, and DM I got something good from each of your shares.

Daffodils, I love "frozen with joy"

{{{DM}}}, I think your response was superhero level!!

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Senior Member

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Posts: 171
Date:

Thanks Paul for the reading and everyone for their shares. I can raise my hand and admit that this was how I presented as a newcomer to Alanon. I was a ball of self pity and martyrdom. "If only he would..." I was angry, wound up and wanted answers now. When letting go was suggested by working Alanon's step 1, I thought others just didn't understand the magnitude of my problems at home. I try to remember today just how I was when I first entered the program and encounter a newcomer or anyone for that matter who can't seem to move from venting to a solution. It's yet another opportunity to work Alanon's 12th step and practice patience, compassion, tolerance, to simply listen and validate another's pain, assure them they aren't alone. I'm grateful members didn't distance themselves from me when I was new and unrecovered and complaining. It was a cry for help and had members not validated my feelings and instead been annoyed I wasn't sharing "recovery," I likely would not have returned to Alanon. I might not have gained the sanity and serenity I feel today. I still have my moments. Alanon is not a cure for all life's problems. I don't have it all figured out and I never will. This last year and a half I was absolutely blindsided by events for which I had to dig deep into my Alanon toolbox to keep present, keep emotional, physical and spiritual balance. Without a program or something similar what would have kept me grounded? I hope if you're reading this and considering Alanon you'll keep coming back to this site and even share with us. There's hope, understanding and support. Debb, I especially appreciated the way you used loving detachment you with your husband. TT

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11512
Date:

Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. I too arrived as the gloom/doom 'member' and could not relate or understand how others had similar home situations yet were joyful and serene. It was suggested I focus on listening vs. talking and look for similarities and healthy members. I had no idea who were winners and struggled to focus so practiced listening...

I had a lovely call this morning from my favorite brother's partner. They are not local, we have never met, yet she reaches out every week/so just to check in. I am getting to know her from our calls. She left an abusive relationship 15 years ago, with no income or prospects - just faith.

She's now a counselor of sorts - I don't pry. She's got a special needs son who's doing some rebelling. We have more in common in trying to set/maintain boundaries, respond vs. react and find/keep our joy. It's been a lovely addition to my life and came about just because she checks on me as the daughter trying to assist the parents who are aging/struggling.

I did golf today. It was very mild and so nice to get out. While golfing, I got word that a friend admitted to the hospital with Covid was put on a respirator. There's no doubt that this news was devastating and a part of me wanted to panic - so glad that I've learned in recovery that I can pray anytime, anywhere, for any reason.

It's not always easy to keep worry, fear and anxiety at bay yet when I try, my days are so, so much better. I'm grateful for this program and my willingness to keep showing up, one day at a time...(((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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