I am not sure what happened to my A daughter after her miscarriage but she changed. It doesn't appear to be for the best either. She has been taking high risks again and avoiding important bank and other responsibilities. She was going to be living in a camper for the summer while her felon boyfriend worked and after 2 days on the job he quit.She was there due to being fired from her finally one good job :( He packed up the camper and my daughter and her puppy and went off to his dad's place. His dad is currently using pot and possibly crack too :(  Something a felon is not suppose to be around! My daughter still has urges to use and doesn't like going to see his dad as it is. It sounds like they are living with the dad now too. She rarely returns our phone calls but finally did today. I must admit I am better at detatching than I use to be but the relapsing and red flags is a huge challenge for me. I litterally lost my daughter to a boyfriend in May, 4 years ago to another state and to drugs and alcohol. I am feeling like I am losing her again now that I finally got her back :) We just had this great relationship going before the miscarriage and now she is gone both physically and mentally.

My "dry drunk" behavior husband is at his worst. He at least didn't ruin Easter like he did Xmas but he chose not to help either. My dad had a mini stroke at the end of the Easter meal :( He overdid it trying so hard to make it a fun day for his grandkids. I overdid it too and so did my mom. I found the rest of the gang to be very selfish and just sit around and not offer to help. Things are definately going to change in the future!

MY husband stated to me this week that we are not a couple anymore. I said that legally we are. For some reason that hurt me so badly that I can't seem to get over it. It has brought me to bed for 3 days now during the daytime when he is here with the covers over my head wishing everything would just go away! Thank God I am fighting off feelings of suicide since I know how much my mom and dad need me. I am not much of a help to them anyway with my own health concerns. But 3 disabled people are better than one. I feel so trapped here at home with a man that watches everything I eat and criticises what I do or don't do. Thus I stay upstairs in my bed trying to feel safe and secure for now.

I keep wanting to scream: What about ME! but my self esteem has become so low lately that I can't even get up the energy to do that. I don't feel anywhere is my home anymore. I don't even feel at home here at MIP anymore either. Yes, I have doctors I see. I have a psychiatrist and a psychologist and just saw them last week. They know I have alot to deal with in my life right now. This Alzheimers thing has hit me the hardest! IT is hard watching your mom who I love more than anything die slowly day by day,,, her brain actually dies in stages. My dad is alive by the grace of God each day with all his heart problems and his parkinsons.

My dad worries that he and mom will outlive me if I don't take care of me. He may have a point in one way or another. My replies and posts are what they always are here. From my heart and to the points that need addressing. I already said if I hurt any feelings I am sorry. I know I am on alot of meds now to help me to just cope with all that is going on in my life, but I do not deserve to be gossipped about or talked about or chastised as I am still a human being. I am who I am and I know I have contributed to this site alot over the almost 3 years in june since I first joined here. I am not looking for everyone to like me for no one is liked by everyone. I have taken my share of breaks due to being hurt by others here and have also come back due to the people that mean so much to me. I have had to reach out to other places such as an Alzheimer Group for new support in my life. But, the main thing still seems to be my alcoholic daughter and my dry drunk husband. I was so hoping to come back and get the support I need here again. When a person is gone things change, some for the good and some for the not so good.

Thanks to those that have helped me lately as things have been very difficult for me now once again. No one said alanon will always be a smooth program. Yes, it works if you work it but things are just not that easy in life and in the life of an alcoholic family. The last thing I need now is to be judged or chastised. No one has walked in my shoes or lived my life and I would gladly change shoes with many of you here. If you have sensed a different personality in me, well guess what? There is one. How am I suppose to act when both my parents are dying and the last time I wanted to talk about it others interupted and talked about a new Harry Potter Movie. IF you find some bitterness in me, I am bitter. If you dont' like it, don't read my posts or replies or put my name on ignore in the room. If I cannot get support here, who can?

Just remember how important the alanon principles are and that they are here to protect all of us. Gossip and talk about others does no one any good. My HP/higher power is in charge afterall. Many of you are only loving, caring, compassionate people who may be able to share some experience, strength and hope with me. I am just one person right now trying to keep my head above water instead of drowning. I have been here for many of you in the past and I am asking for your help now. I would get on my knees and beg but that hopefully is not needed just to have someone reach back to me and offer something positive. Some of you may be in a similiar situation as I am someday and need support as badly as I do and hopefully I can help you out then too. For now take what you want and leave the rest with my attitude. Quit making it a big committee drama and accept the fact that I am going through one of the worst times in my life. If not, where are your hearts at?  your friend in recovery who is going to try to finally get some sleep, cdb xoxoxox