The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how living with alcoholism can make it difficult or even impossible to see the person rather than the disease. Not only can we become so focused on the alcoholism that we no longer see the person, we can easily lose sight of who we are (as our mission becomes so focused into the alcoholic). The writer describes a partner who felt invisible, because when the writer looked at him/her, all the writer saw was alcoholism. Through the program and working the steps, the writer began to see his/her own part in all of it. Becoming more self aware made it possible to love the person (self) and then also possible to love the qualities in others. A sentence from this page that describes this process: The more I strived to accept alcoholism as a disease and to keep my focus on myself, the more my loved one came into focus as a person. The thought for the day is our reminder that: some people I (we) love are alcoholics, but they are a great deal more than their disease.
I remember feeling very defensive about this concept that we who live with the alcoholics have a part in all of the chaos. How could that be? Of course when one is living in the chaos and also untreated, our part in the disease is an important one. Letting go of expectations, understanding that the disease of alcoholism is insidious and encompasses many contributing parts, working through the steps and beginning my own program were all ways that helped me begin to see the person with a disease rather than a case of alcoholism with a name. I would add that in my case I found this easier to do with alcoholics in my family than with the alcoholic I was trying to be a partner to. My sponsor has gently reminded me that even understanding and compassion about the disease doesnt mean we must live with it.
One of the greatest concepts I have learned in alanon that can be applied to all situations is- what is my part in this?
Good morning, Mary, and thank you for sharing this reading.
It has taken me a long time and lots of program work to get to the point of viewing my alcoholic loved one as a whole person, to remember their many good qualities that were eclipsed by the effects of alcoholism. I love what your sponsor said -- "that even understanding and compassion about the disease doesn't mean we must live with it."
The way I see it now, understanding and compassion for the alcoholic is a form of self-care. It frees me from the burden of carrying anger around with me everywhere I go. And reflecting on this is giving me a new insight, too -- that having boundaries, some physical separation from the disease, frees me from carrying the burden of fear everywhere I go. I can recognize my part, but I also need to have compassion for myself, which frees me from carrying guilt everywhere I go.
Thank you Mary for your service. Great shares as well!
I am especially relating to Freetime's ESH today. I could not be a healthy individual in the presence of an addicted person. That dynamic did burden me with carrying around fear and anger (mostly fear). At times I still struggle with having compassion for myself and to not carry around guilt. It is extremely hard for me this time of year.
At times, I feel so isolated b/c I just could not live with an addicted person, and all that entails - Lord knows I tried my best. I struggle with feeling that I am not a "good enough" program worker because of this.
So today, it does help me to read on someone else's post "that even understanding and compassion about the disease doesn't mean we must live with it." Thank you Mary for posting your sponsor's wise words.
I hope you all have a peaceful Sunday!
I am off to finish my decorating!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
