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Just read a death certificate for a client here at work. Died from cancer as a consequence of cirrhosis as a consequence of alcohol abuse and it has put me into a state of depression. My A is 42 and already has cirrhosis. Since diagnosed two years ago when he almost died from bleeding varices as a consequence of the cirrhosis he has tried off and on (lately mostly off) to quit drinking. Most recently was sober for a month and a half and started drinking again a month ago. So hard dealing with the fact that he is going to die from this and he seems to be in denial. Was in fact suppose to see his liver doctor tomorrow but since he is drinking he will be cancelling (he never goes to him unless sober) so hasn't seen him since early fall. Every time he reschedules it gets put off for another month or two.
I know it is his problem but I can't seem to detach from it because when he dies (and if he keeps this up it will be sooner rather than later) my life is going to be very much affected. How does one deal with this?
that is what I have to say all the time. I ask God to please help me to accept whatever it is he has planned for my life. That is all I can do because I cannot cure the A. If his plan is to take the A from me then I need to pray hard for strength to deal with that. Whatever it is that is going to happen in our life it is what is suppose to happen.
I hope that you can find peace with this in your life.
I really don't have much ESH to share with you about this. My husband went to the doctor a few years ago for some breathing problems he was having. The doc asked if he smoked and hubby said yeah. Well the doc said that he was in early stages of enphzima. Did hubby quit smoking, no. Did I nag him, yeah. Did I worry , of course. I still do today, but I have given him to my HP that is the only choice I have in this situation. Same as his using/ drinking.
I am not saying our situations are similar, just sayin that HP is in control.
I hope you can find the ESH you need.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I am so sorry! It must be so hard to watch your husband kill himself. I know we are all watching our alcoholics/addicts do this, but when it is so apparent it must hurt deeply. I know that death is the final consequence of the abuse of alcohol and drugs-my a knows this too, but they still have the tendency to ignore that fact when consumed with the stuff! Amazing isn't it? My a was complaining about how his mouth has been hurting and is sore lately--I wanted to say "do you think it might have to do with the stuff you've been smoking?" Amazing how they think--that surely can't be the problem.
I hope you can find some peace. I hope your husband wakes up and opens his eyes and can get the help he needs. I know it will be so hard on you if he keeps getting sicker and sicker, but I hope you can find a way to deal with it. Everyone is right--Let go and Let God. Harder to do sometimes than to say isn't it?!
Hi, I don't know if you have been on a jurne with some one before that is close to the time. I have been there, sharing that road, way more than I wanted to be.( unless there is a plan that I was to be) Have thought of that alot. Hearing so many times HP has a plan for all of us. Someday I hope to know for sure. Probably not in this lifetime though. I think I might relate to how you feel. I haven't shared this with many as others sometimes have shown to not handle this jurne easily. I experienced a brother leave when I was 14 and I held his hand while he had his last breath. There were no humans there to comfort me as they were all so into their pain. Its very hard for some to share of this and may seem cold sometimes to us. Thats not always the case, as outward expression is so different than whats inside alot of times. So many emotions involved. I tryed young to find HP. Over alot of yrs I went on to care for several others in my family that left. And the same scenario for me. The last one I took care of was a brother that was an A from the time he was 13. Sometimes we know not why, just that it is. I had moved back to my home town and never before would I have lived with him , but something was different this time. At the time he was 39, and not in good health as the isms were in control of him, as always that I remembered. He was alone in life at the time as all the other family either left the earth or the state. I didnt know til after I was living with him that he informed me it was time soon. At first, I argued with him to stop and get help. He knew more than me about him. When I finally put myself in place and opened the door to listen to him, alot changed. I let myself believe him and what he claimed he knew. Had I not been thru others leaving , I may not have listened. So many emotions and all an individual experience. So from then on I tryed to support his choices and listened alot, otherwise he may have not shared. I was torn in so many directions. He even stopped drinking for the 1st time I ever knew of him since he was 13. At the same time I was desperate to move out on my own, yet I tryed to hear his feelings and wishes. He told me his dream and was afraid he would not get it before the time came. He wanted a Lincoln Towncar, as he was a taxi driver, and with gold sparkling letters. To me it sounded crazy for an A. But I reserved my opinions and tryed to support him, even saying to him with feelings, and it escaped my lips with no conscious thought , "Well baby, if thats what you really want, get it and go in style" I was a bit shaken I said such a thing, but I had asked HP so many times for guidence as I didn't know how to handle so many things alone. And , wow, he got it and got to drive it for 2 weeks before he left. I had to bury him alone and it took a month to arrange. And buried him by my 1st brother that left at 13.
There was no real way to predict for me what it was going to be like. And I thought many times simular things as is in your post. I believe if you go one day at a time and not let your fears and emotions swallow you up, and keep some focus, and if you have an HP to guide you, you will make it. It won't be easy going for awhile as any adjustment can be difficult to do. The angels and HP will lead the way if you ask. Anticipation is a rough one too. I would think you have made it on your own before and I bet you will again. Just different this time. You dont have to hold on to everything. Holding to tight will make it harder.
This is getting long. And hope I haven't said too much or the wrong things. As I said I dont share this much usually. Hope there is something here for you. The saying is Take what you want and leave the rest.
One Day At A Time. PEACE, SERENITY, BLESSINGS, COURAGE...................AND MANY PRAYERS YOUR WAY........
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I had an aunt that was a very very bad alcoholic. She developed rickets, diabetes and cirrhosis. She outlived many people. Sadly she even gave birth to my cousin, a fetal alcoholic syndrome baby. She didn't even know she was pregnant! She could not drive anymore and used my uncles life insurance policy money to get cab drivers to bring her alcohol :( It was so darned said. Luckily she did end up in some homes and was clean and sober for periods of times for getting into auto accidents. Her body was so pickled and yet she was alive! NO one knows when their time is. Enjoy each day you have with him and work your program to keep your strength up. IT is just a hard , horrible disease for all involved. Try to live in the moment. You have done that before and I just know you can do it again. IT is so nice hearing from you! I have missed you! You also had some great replies here and some very thought provoking ones too. I will be saying prayers for you! cdb your friend in recovery xoxoxoxo
I know how hard it is for you to watch this. As hard as this is, try not to project what you're life will be like without him. Instead try focusing on the good moments when he is sober, and even when he's not (easier said than done I know). My heart breaks for you.
Remember to be good to yourself. You will need all your strength on this long journey. I did it with both of my parents, and I thank God they weren't addicts. But the trip is the same. It's okay to take time for you, to laugh, to smile, to cry, to be angry, and all those rollercoaster emotions that come with this dreaded disease. My hubby too smokes, and his Mom died of lung cancer several years ago. I hope he will quit, he may not. Like his drinking, it is his choice to continue to smoke or drink. Trying to detach with love sounds almost cruel, and is very difficlut. But by trying to do that, it will leave a part of yourself intact. I call it survival mode in some instances. If I focus soley on him, and what he is doing, and project into the future, then I loose myself in his disease, and I will die with him. I can't let that happen. I have to find a way no matter what to go on living, and surviving. It doesn't mean that I don't love him. I love him with all my heart and being. I would give my life for him, if he needed a kidney, I do it. But I will not give my life for his disease. I have to be selfish. I have to live on, even if he chooses not to.
I am happy to say that he has found a sponsor, and has 5 days sobriety so far. I pray that continues. But I have to remember that the more he relapses the harder it is to quit for good. But I must continue to work at my recovery. I must make the time to be good to me because I deserve it, just like you do my friend.
I'll keep you and hubby in my prayers. Love and blessings to you and yours.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
lebe27 
COURAGE...................AND MANY PRAYERS YOUR WAY........