The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This was an insightful weekend for me. I posted a couple of topics on compassion and ended up learning quite a bit about that and boundries. Thank you very much for that.
I guess HP was asking me to study for my test this weekend when I felt compelled to post those questions. LOL
Friday night was unreal... my AW has been in a state of rage for weeks (heck months). This night as she started to explane to me how she would love to just have her husband back and if I would quit this program all would be better. I simply said we have talked about that already and you know where I stand on it.
That in and of itself didn't exactly defuse the situation. She was slamming doors and screaming at me even after I went to bed. But I simply didn't participate in it. Aparently at some point she even left the house 'cause the truck was parked in a different spot. ???
I don't know how our son slept through it, but he did. So Saturday, we got up and I cooked some breakfast, she was not raging but still very agitated. We went to an activity that night that we both enjoy and she spent the night making little nips at me, which I just let roll off. I didn't get huffy with her and to be honest didn't get upset about it either. She went to bed mad... Not suprising so I wasn't upset about it.
Sunday... we went fishing... one of her favorite things to do. She had a decient day, participated in some idle chit chat and had fun out in the sun with us.
When we went to bed I kissed her and told her I loved her. We snuggled and ended up making love. (enough gory details... LOL) But here is the point... afterwards she cried, and said 2 things : she feels guilty because I have to go to those meetings and she is sure she will hate me again by tuesday or thursday. (those are the days I try to go to meetings)
She said I'm sorry I am confusing you.
I told her, well... I'm not confused at all, you love me and you hate me right now. Today you loved me and I am happy about that.
Could anything but a disease have someone feel guilt and have them scream you F***ing bastard in the same breath? Be happy that you love them anyway, but warn you that they will rage at you again soon?
Believe it or not I was not upset to hear any of that... I am somewhat at ease in the fact that she can't help it without going into recovery and she knows it... now due to the program I know it too.
Thank you all for your loving support.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
It seems, my dear,(nothing fresh by that) your getting a handle on the situation. SOOOOOOOOOOO good for you. Glad you shared the insite. You know , it seems when there is enough detachment from the problem stuff that gets thrown at us, and less reactions towards them, the saner we can get. And sometimes less hurt cause we can see whats coming at us, and sorta to say, dodge the bullet.
I have had to take the long road alot of times to figure out just how to accomplish some of this. It seems so hard to avoid absorbing the feelings of those we love that we think love us.. To me loving is a spiritual thing. To have had to of learned to block someone elses spirit that is sending unloving spirit to me was a difficult task to do. Especially beings its an intangible thing. It will probably always be a challenge to me to learn to tell the difference.
Blessings and Peace in Recovery...........................
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
(((RT))) Job well done this weekend!! I can really see program working in your life and in your AW life as well. Her anger as she stated is about guilt and denial of her drinking. (An unexpected hint of realism for her) Nothing you can do about that except let her feel it. I agree they love us when we are doing things for them and are agreeable, but when we place boundaries for ourselves and say I've had my limit of this, their tallon's and feathers get all ruffled!! I hope you have a great week. You now have more information from AW than you had before and that is progress. Keep the faith.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
rtexas 
WOW !!!!!
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Keep the faith.