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Post Info TOPIC: 11/2/21 Role Play – Not if…Which, When, Why?


~*Service Worker*~

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Date:
11/2/21 Role Play – Not if…Which, When, Why?


Who do we show ourselves to be in public, work, home asked a member...Does the alcoholic get the same happy face we take to Alanon meetings, our boss, fellow workers?

Reminder: Honestly compare the roles we play in different life arenas. Do strangers and those we seek to impress receive better treatment than those at home? People in our home circle deserve our best and will respond better to respect, kindness than scowls, scolding and open disapproval.

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." - proverb
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Today's reading hits me hard and is a much needed callout.

I have let my effort slide in this area and am guilty of acting very hypocritically: maintaining the charming, positive, good natured bloke at work and socially even under trying circumstances, while allowing an increasingly surly, impatient disposition to show up uninvited at home.

I found myself excusing it, 'it's always different at home, inevitable...besides, we already discussed this issue, they are not doing their part.'

I do not have the right to treat anyone unkindly, period. I seem temporarily to have forgotten that and let arrogance slip in, that somehow I didn't need to extend the effort to pleasant, they 'know' me and don't need the pleasantries required with less intimate associates.

Today's reading reminds me that I have it backwards, and I have been lazy. The repercussions are evident in a decline in communication quality, effectiveness and household cooperation.

Grateful Alanon points me to the solution



__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

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Paul, what a great choice of a daily and appreciate your honest share. Its taken me years practicing alanon tools to reach a point of peace with my A. For the past few years, most of the time, I am the same person in and out of the house. But for many years before this, I was a snarly, detached, spouse, trying to force solutions, and/or having a huge wall between us. I could not accept/understand, that someone chooses addiction that included drinking and driving=maybe killing someone. This is a Yale graduate I am speaking of, but honestly, anyone who drinks and drives is beyond my comprehension. My A is still active at times, but I no longer see or am aware of drinking and driving, slurred words, being off balance, etc., which has helped me with my coping of this situation. As I re-read what I have written I am still amazed at how destructive the illness of alcoholism is.

__________________

Lyne



Senior Member

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Posts: 258
Date:

Thank you as well Paul for today's reading, your service and to you and Lyne for both your candid ESH.

I too am guilty at times for acting a bit disgusted with AH when I am exposed to his drinking and chaos.

I admit it and thank Al-Anon and MIP for keeping me on the straight and narrow. I must hand my

anxiety to my HP immediately because when I do the issues ease!!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

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Posts: 147
Date:

Thanks Paul for your service and to all for your wisdom. I've certainly done more apologizing for my behavior at home than outside the home. I'm easily forgiven which I think has resulted in emboldening my behavior. I still find myself reacting vs responding at times at home. Pretty darn lucky I'm loved unconditionally. Sigh... I wish I never slipped in this area, could always have gratitude when communicating at home. I like this quote so I thought I would share it. There is a courtesy of the heart. It is akin to love. Out of it arises the purest courtesy in the outward behavior. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Courtesy.. Something for me to practice with those closest to me who deserve my best self. TT



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 2nd of November 2021 02:54:41 PM

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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