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Post Info TOPIC: I desperately need help from people here who understand...


Newbie

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I desperately need help from people here who understand...


Hi. it feels good to be back. it.s been many years since I was here. I feel very vulnerable spilling my guts here because i feel new. But i desperately need support and encouragement if possible.  I left my alcoholic husband in 2015. We have been divorced since 2016. I am very angry at myself for being ignorant enought to think he was sober when he wasn't. I have felt very lonely the last few years. My mom died last April. i have been so depressed. I made a huge mistake by sleeping with my ex about a month ago. I have very low self essteem. i have dated a few guys over the past two years and it was not a good eperience. This is my second marriage ending in divorce. After we spent the weekend together with my teenage daughter, she didn't know about our "encounter" we were in a hotel and she was home...my ex went back to his house 3 hours away and proceeded to drink so much he literally almost killed himself. he ended u in the hospital for a week with a blood alcoho level of .4-.5. we were worried we coudn't reach him on his cell phoen until we found out he was in the hospital. 

The is the short version. I am just filled with pain and anger at myself. i need to imerse myself in al anon again. Al anon gave me the strength to leave him in the first place. 

Please help. thanks for listening. I am hoping to get feedback. i feel so depressed.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Aloha Kim...this is an amazing event for me as yesterday I met another young lady at a "return" meeting for her and I listened deeply again to her share from her thoughts, feelings and experiences also.  It was amazing for me because it took me back to my entry experiences from years ago and I am impressed at the similarities we all go thru or if you wish "suffer" as victims of this disease.  I say "victims" yes until I arrive at the awareness and experiences of how it has changed for me...the long miraculous journey I was taught to take one day and one step at a time.

I thought it would never change for me and I suffered all the negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors the fellowship did.  I didn't want "program(ing)" until HP (Higher Power) intervened in my desperations.  What I did was the opposite of what I thought I should and would do.  I separated my life into days and took them one at a time and listened, listened, listened to learn.

Welcome back!! you got lost for a minute or so and knew where we were still.  Thanks for your sharing it has helped me a lot still from yesterday and I've been part of the Al-Anon Family since 1979 gratefully.

I appreciate how you shared your 1st step again.  You mirror what that young lady also a returned did yesterday. Admitted we are powerless.  prayers, Love, Hope and Support for you and your alcoholics.

Hope to hear more from you daily.    ((((Hugs)))) smilebiggrinwinkaww



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Jerry F
a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1388
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Welcome back Newlife girl. Glad you're here and yes I can relate. I still touch various stoves to see if they're still hot, and get burnt. Again. Sigh. I come back Though, review what had worked for me, cull what didn't and start again. Take care, keep coming back.

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~*Service Worker*~

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{{{new life girl}}} Welcome back as well. Your pain is real so your have to lean in and walk through it. A sponsor might help. Surely MIP will. But the self-anger--not necessary. I was a champion at hating myself and you know what good it does?? NONE. Let go and let God. I try to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. Can I be perfect at recovery? Heck no! Coming back to program everyday to better myself. I have stayed with my A. My anniversary is Monday--30 years!! Are things the way I want them? No. Have they improved over time? Yes.

Please consider getting off your case and do some work again with program. It helped you in the past, right? :)

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Lyne



Senior Member

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Posts: 258
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Welcome back NewLifeGirl!

I am a firm believer in that "everything happens for a reason" in that there is always a lesson to be learned

and it usually ends up that it is for a very good "reason indeed"!

So I would look for HP's guidance concerning this encounter and take a step back from blaming yourself to

sit back and watch for what happens next. I would definitely get more involved with Al-Anon again to help

with your own recovery and detach from this encounter and the effects it has had on you. I believe that

the reason for all of this turmoil is you need time for you!!



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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2713
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Welcome back {{{{Newgirl}}}}

Condolences on the loss of your mother. This life event can be devastating if you allow it to be. I feel you reached out for "old things" b/c you were (and perhaps still are) emotionally vulnerable.

Depression should not be ignored - regardless of severity of symptoms. Your first step (a good one, mind you) was that you reached out to the community that has helped you before... BRAVA!! Keep coming back, and work your program for YOU. You are worth it!
Maybe think about seeking therapy. It can be a good adjunct to this great program!

Wishing you peace within your soul this weekend!



__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 760
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Welcome back NLG,

You are correct, this is always a place you can come to where those here can relate to what you have been through and the feelings you describe. Even better, this is a place where:

"We, too, were lonely and frustrated but in Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not." - oft heard Alanon meeting open

Hope you can stay with us, we're so glad you're here

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



Senior Member

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Posts: 147
Date:

Welcome back Newgirl. Hope you find the answers you need to keep recovering. Good to have you with us again. Hugs TT

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Newbie

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Posts: 1
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Dear new girl: I am a total newbie to this process. My husband of 23 years is 30 days sober today. In your post I recognize many feelings that I have struggled with. Seeing them expressed by someone else is clarifying for me. I can't take your pain away (although I wish I could) but I would like to ask you to please be kinder to yourself. I understand being angry at yourself and beating yourself up - but it feels painful to see you do that. You are a human being. You try things and sometimes they fail. Your actions may be guided by love, or need or pain. The self blame is not deserved. You are a mother and you lost your mother. I want to send you strength. My husband is now in AA after many years of gaslighting me and covering up what I knew in my heart was harming him, me and our teenage sons. My biggest struggle is a feeling of "how could I have let this happen?" I have put myself through a lot of what I hear in your post. I am trying to accept that I did everything I could to protect my family. I too have questioned my self esteem. I've wondered how I didn't think I deserved more, how I put up with being lied to and disregarded. The one meeting I went to, the help I have gotten in therapy and talking to friends have helped me to see that I had nothing to do with my husband's choices. I have simply been trying to work with what was in front of me. My heart goes out to you. I know you are a good person and that you are doing the right thing, seeking help. my best, Roxanne

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