The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about accepting that we cannot force solutions or make changes to anyone other than ourselves. The writer describes what it looks like when a young child is trying to do a puzzle; if the piece doesnt fit they try to force it anyway, pushing with all their might. The writer compares this to how those of us who grew up or lived in an alcoholic home behave with people and situations around us. We often try to force whatever outcome we think is best. Through Alanon the writer realized the only changes that can be made is within ourselves. We cannot and should not be trying to force anything with others.
This sentence resonated most with me: Instead of spending time with people and situations where I dont fit, I can look for the ones where I do.
This reading made me think about all the time I have wasted thinking I could make the outcome of a situation or another persons behavior suit what I thought it should be. Another way Im thinking about this is- when I consider changes I have made in my own life, I recognize that they have taken place over time, with patience, work and the will to make those changes. It would be (and is) futile to try and make changes like that in others.
As in so many situations, the strength of the serenity prayer is so helpful here: serenity to accept what I cannot change, strength to change what I can, wisdom to know the difference.
Good Day Everyone. Thank you Mary for your service/ESH. Your share resonated with me also and DM2021, glad to know I'm not the only one that gets "stuck" on a month. I had an Aha moment today. When I asked my AH what he'd like for dinner, he responded subs. Off to the bakery/deli I went and while there, I decided a roast would be more appropriate for a Sunday dinner. Then I realized I was overriding his request and creating more work for myself! Furthermore, I would have been grumbling that I can't relax and watch the baseball games because I'm slaving in the kitchen. To top it off, I would insist he eat at the table which would create tension because his mind would be on the games as he wolfs down a meal I prepped for hours...you get the general idea...So, what other areas do I force my way and please no one?...hmm... This example demonstrates how easily I complicate life...Anyways, I'm looking forward to an afternoon of baseball/football eating subs in front of the t.v.! :) Thank you for guiding me through recovery and enjoying life in the process...Al-Anon works for big and small issues...Have a wonderful day.
Thank you Mary for your service and the Daily. I liked the imagery of trying to force the puzzle piece into a spot it doesn't belong, since I have recently focused on puzzle-making/doing. I am more of a person who looks for color-matching, rather than forcing a piece in, but the imagery is very relatable. It also helps me to highlight that I can morph myself to the "color" that is needed to finish the puzzle. Yes, the puzzle is completed, but I have given up myself to do so! I am so much more aware of my tendency to do this because of my work within Al-Anon!
Daffodils - just wanted to say "thank you" for your ESH. It is a very concrete example of how we as spouses can derail our own rail-car!! Kudos to you for recognizing your own way you "sabotage" yourself, and for the guts to admit, "No, Daffodil, your way will not be healthier." Real progress IMHO!
Peace to y'all this Sunday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
