The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok here it is. My Mom had a seizure in Jan. was hospitalized for the same.While in the horpital kept expressing concern about an unpaid bill. I told her I would bring her checkbook/purse she could make out the bill I would mail it to stop her from stressing/ rummanating about it. I brought her checkbook/purse up to her hospital room, forgot I had stuck the bill under the visor of the truck. I was unsure of the odd dollars. I asked Mom to sign the check and I'd fill in the rest and mail it. Just at that moment my brother walks in hears me ask mom to sign the check and say I will fill in the rest. He says'' why are you asking Mom to sign a blank check'', ''I can only think of one reason someone would ask someone to sign a blank check''. He cut me off and did not give me an opportunity to explain the whys. I was hurt beyond words that my own brother would insinuate I might be trying to take money from my Mom. Neither of my brothers have any reason to think this. Now they are saying it was a misunderstanding. Can any of you find a misunderstanding in the statement my brother made to me? I have made the choice to remove myself from any relations with this brother. He will not own what he said was hurtful. I can not be around him.
On Fri I took my Mom shopping. She said to me your brother said it hurts him that you avoid him. I explained to her how hurtful his accusation was and that at this time I'm unable to be around him especially since in his mind and my other brothers I simply misunderstood what he was saying. I DO NOT GET IT WHAT ELSE COULD HE HAVE MEANT WITH A STATEMENT LIKE THAT!
Why when you try to express your feelings do some people cut you off and not allow you your feelings? They deny my existence when they deny my feelings. I've asked them to go to a family counselor with me . I need to know if it is me, am I crazy or am I healing and come from a family deep deep in denial.
Maybe my answer will lie in if they agree to our situation being evaluated by a counselor or not .
Mom is vulnerable right now, maybe they are making accusations based on their own guilt. I never in my life thought I'd be such a mess as this.
Wish to God my Father the pillar of strength in this family were here.
I know I have been doing a lot of work in therapy on my relations with my siblings. We all grew up in a very dysfunctional family and the kind of remarks you spoke about are common. I think that growing up in such a way made people lash out, mis direct and take things out on each other. I know in particular my younger sister really dumped a lot of her rage at me. I was of course a great receptacle for that.
Personally I think your having boundaries is great. For me giving up the fantasy of having a family that was suppportive, caring and intimate was very hard. My family was never that, never will be. I have had to find support and caring somewhere else. My family will probably never give it to me. I can't say getting to that conclusion has been easy it has involved a great deal of grief. At the same time the knowledge of that has stopped me from repeating it in all areas of my life.
I am new here not long and not familiar with your circumstances. I dont know who is the A's in your situation. If they are the brothers, this kind of stuff happens alot , so NO YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. I used to think the same thing until I learned about the dynamics of alcoholism and the families involved and the dysfunctions that go with all this . Its alot to learn and no quick easy answers or fixes. Hope this helps you . Take what you need and leave the rest.
PLEASE TRY TO CALM YOURSELF AS YOU CAN REASSURE YOURSELF YOU ARE REACHING OUT AND HELP IS HERE, you can also find face to face meetings and other sources of assistance, if you don't find what you need here, and take care of you. Reach out til you find what works for you. There is NO PERFECT PLACE on earth. I hate using the term "all" but will in this circumstance, all people are human and have , how should I say this, pros/cons , pos/neg , good/bad , hopfully you get the drift of what I'm trying to say. No ONE person knows all. I'm not sure if you have a HP-Higher Power, some have issues with GOD of their understanding too, but for me HP(as is called in AlAnon to serve all) helps alot as I learn how to be closer and closer, and always learning how to recognise the guidance, etc I am being sent. Exaggeration seems to be a common issue with alot. And in the end, it is "I" who decides what action "I" take regardless of the advice or direction "I" decide to take to help with "MY" issues, and "I" that lives with the consequences thereof.... Take care of you and get some space to think and pray, if you do, about your issues. Good luck, too.
PEACE AND BLESSINGS , Your Sister ,IN RECOVERY..........................................
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 20:55, 2006-04-30
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 21:10, 2006-04-30
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 21:13, 2006-04-30
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I know with my situation, my mother has terminal cancer, that my brother, sister, and myself are listening.....I mean really listening. We can not control other people, the way they think, or the way they act. Misunderstandings, are just that. We are all works in progress. Be gentle with yourself.
.....
...
..........................