I was sailing along,progressing nicely and then why hello, here I am again, the isms of chaos and manipulation and self sacrifice. 

Now to be sure, today these are matters which represent bumps in the road as opposed to road closures but nonetheless very unpleasant.  

My alcoholic aging parent is good for the most part but still of course an alcoholic with great intentions but little to no action or self discipline which I'm sure sounds familiar.  It is difficult for me to not parent my parent. At the same time I resent the hell out of having to do it but feel like I have to. 

 I tend towards logic and intellect. The idea that a loved one of mine failed to excercise either then expects me to submit to an inferior reasoning leaves me cold. I am happy to support people I love but first there must be basic understanding as to what one's own role in any matter is. 

Some thing that really disturbs me is the idea of owing people money. Borrowing money too is not cool with me. If you obtain a service you pay the bill. If you can not pay the bill you endeavour to prioritise it.  

I needed a service performed for a legal matter the resolution of which would be to the financial benefit of many.The costs of that service will likely be reimbursed by the other party; it just takes time. Many benefit  excluding myself financially. Of the 13 beneficiaries, 1 made a direct offer to financially contribute.  The other being my parent well I just feel like expects rewards I work for. 

Anyway I got them a part settlement, the matter continues, more settlements are likely. The service performed was an integral part of the discovery process, the discovery process gives you ammunition for litigation, pre litigation is where you size each other up and determine whether settling is a more lucrative option, either in terms of award or savings. Hence the part payment; it looks good to the judge particularly when opposing party (me) has unearthed a nice trail of not so glittering examples of conduct by your client. 

Everyone should be happy right? Nope. 

Mostly every one feels entitled. Not so much as a thank you from the majority of them but I never expected Thanks. I wanted to enforce commercial boundaries to restore reputation. In my view, your character, work ethic, reputation, and talent bring wealth and this process has allowed me to practice, develop and refine all 4. When i move on from this, all of those assetts remain mine. Those left behind get a single opportunity to build on from, my opportunities continue . So I can afford to be graceful. My self interest in the matter was restoring a commercial reputation to a level I could personally live with. 

However I  still have to live with someone who doesn't pay or prioritise debts so I was annoyed by that. Long story short I have to pay for the service performed. I had prior to typing this out been very angered because it seemed to defy common sense.  On top of that, another relative had a crisis requiring financial bailout and I failed to stop and think. Net result is, I'm sacrificing more of a limited me to rescue someone else when actually, I'm in winter time myself running on hard won reserves. 

I think i have to hand a heap of stuff to my HP today and tonight and start fresh in the morning. At the moment I have a lot of conflicting emotions and motivations. I need to refocus, clear my head, set my schedule for the week and get some excercise, water and salad in. 

Thanks for listening!