The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading focuses on the topic of expectations. It uses an example of an Alanon member who has badly injured their foot. They are in severe pain and unable to get to their in person Alanon meetings. The member admits that though they see themselves as an independent person with good creative problem solving skills. The reading goes on to say that when ill, the Alanon member expects family and friends to be mind readers and know that they want to be coddled and pampered. The member expects that attention.
When the member is well enough to return to their in person Alanon meetings, it dawns on them that they don't offer others the same attention that they themselves crave. They consider Alanon's slogan Let It Begin with Me and ask their higher power for opportunities to be of service to others in this way. Within a few weeks, they are able to offer help to two neighbors who have had surgery. They offer to go to the store for them and they check in on them. The member realizes that they actually feel nurtured by the kindnesses they choose are offering to others. In consideration of this they realize, "I guess it's true what they say about Alanon, I often get back more than I give."
Thought for the Day
I've heard it said that to keep this program I have to give it away. When I give it away, I'm also giving it to myself.
"Joy and peace of mind are among the rewards we seek when decide to "Let It Begin with Me." From Survival to Recovery
This is a simple reading but the message is powerful. Are my expectations and willingness balanced and healthy? Not always. I don't always give back to others in ways they give to me. That's OK. This really shouldn't be about score keeping. If it is, the my giving doesn't come from my heart. But this reading does call upon me to consider ways in which I am more of a taker than giver.
Joining others to be of service for MIP has been one step toward progress in that area as well as sponsoring and being sponsored. I am absolutely getting back more than I could imagine from such commitments. For instance, by being of service and posting the daily reading, others who may not have access to our CAL literature can learn more about Alanon. I gain greater awareness of my own program. Where I am making progress? Where do I still need a little work? Other members shares help me see our Alanon topics in new ways when they share their experience, strength and hope. I feel a sense of belonging. I hope you feel as I do, that it's a win/win when we share ourselves with others.
In my personal life, I want to do a better job of examining my motives around my expectations of others. This centers on taking a personal inventory around giving and receiving. My plan is to take a closer look at the generosity of my heart. I could be a little less stingy with my time in relation to those closest to me. Rather than only being willing to give when asked, I'd like to work on Let It Begin with Me by offering to take actions to the benefit of those close without being asked (without overstepping their personal boundaries of course) and with no expectation of a pat on the back.
There is often a emotional and reputation payoff when helping neighbors, acquaintances or coworkers. Sometimes in my family, it can feel as if there is none. But I know the choice to give shouldn't be motivated by getting ego strokes from others. When my kindness is self seeking, personal resentment is typically the outcome. It's a clear indication to me that I am out of my Alanon program and distanced from a higher power who loves unconditionally. So, my goal is to give in healthier ways voluntarily to those closest without expectation of a particular response or any response of appreciation. I'm grateful for my family members and believe in performing these actions I grow closer to my hp. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you TT for this share and the daily. I have to raise my hand - I truly expected others to read my mind and tend to my wants and often felt dejected/rejected when this did not happen. I've come to accept that having expectations of others, especially when I'm not clear with my needs (forget wants) is a recipe for lasting resentments.
I learned long ago that when I am of service, I feel most content and complete. I do believe it is in giving that we are set free. It took practice for my service to be unconditional simply because my whole life BR (Before Recovery) I had 'kept score' and pesky expectations for some measure of equality...I scratch your back - you scratch mine thinking. Today, I choose to be of service unconditionally. It's for me, and my program. Service is not optional in my life - it's required. It keeps me in balance and in check (ego/self-serving).
When I am spiritual fit, I am best at unconditional love, acceptance and service. When I am left/right of center, those pesky expectations try to surface right along with my 'wants'. Both of these don't work well in the life I want now - gratitude and service centered. I finally and fully understand that it is my responsibility to choose joy (or not), peace (or not), etc. Nobody truly has that power over me until/unless I give it to them.
I am grateful for a loving, providing HP, a program that works when I work it and a healthy support system that keeps me grounded. Love and light all - make it a good day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks TT for your service and for all the wonderful ESH. This reading is important to me as it echoes what Betty taught me: no expectations. They are a resentment waiting to happen. Can I do this perfectly all the time? Of course not, but Im sure trying. The other message, Let it Begin with Me, is a good goal for me to aspire to as well. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, and that means I must initiate contact, kindness, etc. These are some of the basics of our program that helps me to be a better person.
While I understand the need to be of service to others and the feel good part of doing it.... I have to say this was one of the areas I struggled with - with my sober ABF. He was of service to anyone in his AA groups to whatever capacity they asked - attend business meetings, drive someone to a meeting, speak at a meeting no matter where or when and sponsor anyone. Yes. Yes. And yes. Great, right? Yes. But here was my struggle. Hes helpful, selfless and does acts of service to anyone but me. Yes. Ill admit it. I was jealous. How about helping me? Lend a hand? Nope. I began to become resentful towards him. He wouldnt hesitate to ask for help from me. Yet he wouldnt ever offer acts of service TO me. Through Al-anon, learning my resentment was based on me wanting him to understand my thoughts. Not happening. Unrealistic and unfair expectation. While I didnt ask for the help, I wanted him to know I needed it. Lol. ... moving forward. I should ask for help. I cant resent someone for not offering help, when I didnt ask for it. My looking at my sober ABF helping others in AA, I need to QTIP. THANKS for this post!!! It got the mind thinking.
