The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our desperation brought us to Alanon, a place of recovery and hope where we draw comfort from a fellowship. We show our gratitude by accepting responsibilities by:
* Studying and using Alanon principles, for our own benefit and for that of the group
* Showing concern for the difficulties of others by sharing spiritual solutions
* Not taking up time in relating problems, but trying to "make everything I say reflect an Alanon teaching which will have meaning for those who hear me."
Reminder - Prepare for meetings by reading Alanon literature and ensuring I have something of value to share...net gain for me is a better life.
"We cannot drop out of human involvement without endangering our spiritual health." Unattributed ------------------------
Trying to control alcohol in another left me desolated, wanting others to know how wronged I was, how hard I had tried, the craziness I was living with and under.
I immediately noticed that those in Alanon meetings who had serenity rarely mentioned the alcoholic, or their specific faults; it was all about their experience, the strength they found in specific passages or slogans of the program, and the hope that gave them.
I wanted what they had, I did not want to be the ones in the group obsessed with complaining, retelling, and labeling unhealthy behavior, I learned I had enough of my own.
Using this as a guide helps me keep the focus on me, the only thing I can change'''change my attitude, outlook and actions, I can change my world.
Grateful for the wisdom and guidance of Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I would not want to be the person suggesting that people focus in themselves.
Certainly when someone can get to that point it is fantastic. However for some people their involvement with a alcoholic us lifelong. For many people including myself al ani was the one place where I could come and lay out all the enmeshed problems I had .
Ideally of course the program is run by people who have been intensely wounded by alcoholism
I am certainly one of them I work every day to heal that pain. However there are still some days the incredible chaos the alcoholic created is right back there.
I still deal with alcoholics. I deal with then less than I ever have. One of my major goals is to have a life that is not matred by anymore chaos. That is an attainable goal. I work extremely hard to get there .
I do not have a timeline for it. Nevertheless that is indeed one of my very clear cut goals.
Thank you Paul for your service. I used to be pretty and mashed with my alcoholic brother as he is the sibling next to me and we were so close back in the day. We dated each others friends, we hung out with each others friends I mean we were closer than clothes and yes I used to drink to and party to but for the grace of God I did not get hooked I was able to just drop it and get into recovery but he could not and it would be very easy for me to get in matched with his problems but I had to really lean on the program and the detachment part of it that I could love him but stay away from the disease because the disease is not him. Its a condition he suffers from. He is so kind and gentle and such a good spirit he is the kind of guy that will go into Goodwill to browse around and if he sees a lady with children and shes having difficulty buying things for herself for her children, hell just pay for their stuff. Everybody in the Cape Cod area loves him because of his superior work, he never drinks while working, and his loving attitude. And I guess thats why so many people help him because hes so loving and so compassionate. It kills me the thought that I might lose him to this disease if he does not stop but I have to accept and just love him as is is, detach when hes drinking, enjoy the good moments we have together. And try not to project into the future. Hes having muscle issues so I put him on magnesium Glisinate and its helping him. And Im grateful for that. This program has helped me not get and mashed and obsessed with him. Hes the only sibling I have left. The other one is on the street somewhere dealing and drugs to feed his own have it but he was always a different sort. He was always entitled and he would steal from you in a heartbeat so I always kept him at a distance but that doesnt mean I dont care about the guy I just see reality for what it is. All I can say is thank you higher power for this program because I can see things for what they are and not for what I wish they were
Good Morning Paul. Thank you for your service/ESH and all the shares. ...showing concern for the difficulties of others by sharing spiritual solutions...stood out for me. Before Al-Anon, it was all about who "done ME wrong " -alcoholic or not. When I finally made it to MIP, I was able to see my insanity and discovered OTHER wounded souls who had overcome much worse, and carved out meaningful lives and thrived by being of service. By embracing HP/ new sets of tools and change in perception of my past, I experience more joy even in the presence of pain. Have a fantastic day.
I can relate to the one way relationships--I would hang in there and get more and more resentful, now I really work a step 10 on it and I just ask me--what am I doing with this relationship? What is the codependent payoff I am getting? Is it financial? Is it my need to fix and repair everybody? Is it loneliness? If the relationship is not a mutual blessing there has to be some sick reason on my end why I am in it. I have come far in this, thank God, and I just dont have any interest in one-way relationships. Or relationships that are not a mutual blessing. I just quietly go. I know I cannot change another but I can sure change me. And if it is not a mutual, nourishing relationship where we are both a blessing to one another, I reassess and if I am really honest with myself I usually find the answer in the lesson and then I can just quietly move on
Reread this thread and am amazed at how each share is chock-full of nuggets. Thank you Paul, Maresie (Hallelujah indeed), tiredtonite, DM2021, and Rose for honest, thoughtful/thought-provoking shares.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. I arrived, like most, believing that I was 'well' and the alcoholics in my life were in need of fixing, big time. Needless to say, I would tell, on repeat, all the ways they had 'hurt' me. Gently, with unconditional love, several continued to nudge me to focus on me, not them.
I had no idea how to do that. I had no idea how to live in the same house with others and detach from their circle of influence. I had no ideas how to create boundaries that I could feel good about, were loving, were not punitive, etc. It is through step work, and a great sponsor with tons of patience that I now know I can not go through life and blame the disease or the diseased and have humility, grace and serenity.
When things - people, places and things - go different than I desire or think they should, there is still a part of me that almost tenses up. It's easy for me (in my mind) to start that negative cycling of 'Oh No, here we go again....next will be .....' This has nothing to do with another - this is my disease.
I have the tools in this program to help me heal and deal from how this disease has affected me. I will never be cured; those tools will always be there for me when I choose to use them. I can choose to heal/work for sanity/serenity each day or I can choose to let my past and events from my past define me.
I have hope today that so long as I keep doing what I am doing one day at a time, I can/will continue practicing this program, having serenity and joy - genuinely. The God of my understanding will keep leading me so long as I remain Open, Honest & Willing. Very, very grateful for the changes in me and the lessons from others' ESH that give me fuel to explore more growth, healing and change.
Happy Tuesday - played (horrible) golf today in a tournament. Did not win but did enjoy the food and fellowship. Cocktails began flowing at 11am - not my cup of tea and no judgement - others can drink socially....I can not and I'm grateful I know that.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Creating new change involves creating ne numero pathways
A major part of that is changing expectations. I no longer expect w everything to go my way
I expect to have difficulty. I am working on transferring to a job 1.5 miles from my home. That would make a difference to the current 50 plus miles in another city.
I am no longer engaging in the thought the process will go seamlessly. In fact I expect to have many diversions
Thst is far more realistic
My yearning for the environment I did not have as a child is very understandable but it does not help me as an adult
As an adult I have to contend with single parents who.are sleep deprived and extremely prickly because of the long houesvwe all put in. As we encounter police officers and other emergency services workers who have worked through the pandemic we are all shredded
In this city everyone who works in emergency services has to get vaccinated. That is a rule that may mean that certain staff will leave. I cant see how the system can run on a smaller staff
However everyone has the right to refuse vaccination. If younrefude you just will not have a job
Being in the #real# world on the frontline is eye opening
However I prefer to work with my feet on the ground rather than with unreasonable expectations
My expectations were a reason for my resentments. When Inam fill of resentment therein lies black and white thinking.
THank you for the Service Enigmatic and the shares. For me, I will always be affected by the disease of alcoholism. I have recently come to accept that. For many years, I had a vision of perfection for my life which saw it as free of alcoholics, alcoholism and alcohol. That is the lifelong impact of alcoholism on me personally, a great desire to be completely free from it. Of course, much of my thinking and methods are flawed in acheiving that freedom. For example, the alcoholic in me would think she needed to learn to drink successfully rather than doing the work necessary to arrest the disease. I still have to watch that part of myself.
My methods can be flawed because alot of my thinking has been shaped by responses learned in both childhood and adult environments centered around alcoholism. Cut and run has been my go to for many years. If I were to be the vision of programme perfection which others may have or are able to live personally for themselves, I would be lying. I do get affected, I do need to relate sometimes what it is that is bothering me and that is because sometimes I am a terrible arbiter unilaterally when it comes to all things alcoholic. From there and that point of sharing and relating, I gain the ESH of those members who have serenity. If I choose to be miserable, I ignore it. If I choose to be truly free, I explore the tool and the spiritual wisdom of the programme which fuels it. I am so grateful for the inspiration of people living life on life terms without running away and cutting everybody out. I am still such a baby of this programme even as it has been so many years within it. I am grateful for that too. My almighty brain syndrome takes comfort in knowing it is safe to rest in the programme and let the power higher than me take over. If only I would let it more often. Progress not perfection' learning to be ok and happy about that too!
