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As I read the posts of my friends here on this board I find so many things similar to my situation. Alcoholism is a terrible disease but isnt there more ? I mean, I think that it goes so much deeper, a mental condition maybe ?
A few years ago my husband was diagnosed with bipolar and was put on 3 different medications to control this. The medicine clearly says DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WITH MEDICATION, yeah right !! That lasted a few months then right back to drinking. His answer, it is only beer.. ( like that matters) Anyway, after a while his behaviors got worse, he became down right MEAN.. I called his psyc. dr and told him that he was drinking and taking the medication and he was getting mean.. He talked with my husband and told him to stop drinking with the medication that it doesnt mix well. Needless to say that went in one ear and out the other. Here we are two years later and still drinking, still taking the medication. Now he gets angry very easy, screams yells, at my children and me, nobody can do anything right, and is just miserable and it shows. We can begin a conversation and it be okay and within seconds he is screaming .. !!
I think there has to be more, it is deeper than just alcoholism.. I know that I too am sick, otherwise i would have walked away long ago..
I think that i am a good mother but i keep asking myself why do i let him verbally abuse my children especially my son. I feel bad that I am so weak that I cant just walk away. I really think that my children have paid the price for my weakness.. Living with someone who is not only an alcoholic but has a mental condition. Maybe, i am not the mother i want to be after all. I read a post earlier this morning and Isabella commented, think about what you would tell your daughter to do then do nothing less for yourself.. Well, I would tell my daughter to leave for the sake of herself and her children.. That i know for sure !! So why am i so weak that i cant make my feet move ? I keep asking for God to lead the way, i will follow !! But will I ? I havent so far.. I have been with him over 1/2 of my life and the last five years havent been good. What am i waiting for ? I am not sure ..
I truely know the hell in which you are living. It is a never ending battle everyday. I have been with my hub married 19 yrs together about 30. The life you described in your post belongs to me.
The only thing is with the kids, espically with my son the hell got so unbarable for him that he acted out in a violent act with his dad. This is after many years of mental hell for him My daughter would rather be any where than home.
For me, I had to put my children first, finally. It is a never ending roller coaster that our children should not have to endure.
I wish you the best, left God lead, just follow. For me he is taking me out of this marriage once and for all. I just want peace. Afterall, what kind of life is it anyway??????
my husband also has bipolar disorder. he was also put on med. he stayed sober for 1 year after being on the meds with the help of the program. then he relapsed. he is out there today and i don't know where. it took me 12 years of living with the addiction and the insanity. he was ok with the kids. he was abusive to me.i left many times in the past 12 years. and went back. i don't know why but i did. i think it was a combination of my addiction to him and my love for him. i still love him today. i am proceeding with the divorce and have a new house. the only thing that has changed is me. i believe all the times i left before were preparing me for today. this program and these people and my hp are what is giving me the strenght and serenity to do what is best for me and my kids. don't be too harsh with yourself. you are doing the best you can with what you've got. just the fact that you think you can do better for yourself and the kids is a sign of getting better. keep comming even when you don't want to and you will find the strenght to do whatever it is you choose to do. much love.
Hi Tammy...just went on your user profile and read all your postings. In one, you said you felt you might be the only one who ever felt as you do. Well, your postings could have been written by me.
Two years ago, I left my A of 30 years...returning 3 weeks later, after attending al anon meetings for the first time. Our "honeymoon" lasted less than a month. He hasn't drank alcohol since, but it's been pure hell for the most part. Things are better now, finally, but I keep working on me, and leave him to his own HP.
I raised my children in the verbally abusive environment, and now as adults, they function fine on the outside, but still harbor resentment toward their father, and I'm sure, to me in some part for subjecting them to that environment.
While they were small, I left, he quit, I returned, over and over, yep, the insanity is there...I always expected a different outcome!!! He has quit before, for a ten year period, so even now, I know there may again come a time when I have to leave, and fend for myself. So....
While praying for the guidance as to whether to go, or stay, I set myself up as well as I could, financially. I mailed money to my daughter (my confidant) for a year, and stashed some in a secret place at home. I feel like a failure even now that I did not stay away from him.
If you prepare, that doesn't mean you have to leave. But if you prepare, if the time comes when you find the courage and the direction to leave, you'll be in better shape.
I think love has nothing to do with the decision...it's more of a love of self, and feeling you are worthy of self love. I have that problem too.
Sorry to ramble, just felt close to your situation.
Good luck...go out and do something good for you today.
My husband drinks on anti-depressants also. But his family said to me he was always an angry person. What my boys were seeing played a larger role in my decision to leave than my own feelings. One of them said to me " A husband should never swear at his wife" just out of the blue one day, so I knew tthey were thinking abou it. That really got the ball rolling for me. My husband has tried to be dominant with me once since I left in a conversation, and I told him I would not take it and he has not tried it since.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Hi, Tammy, Thank you for posting here. So many of us can relate to your sorrow. I want to share my experience, strength and hope with you. I was always trying to figure things out: why is the A this way? why am I here? etc. etc. etc. In Alanon, I learned to focus on me. What do I want? What do I need? My first sponsor used to say: discipline, not debate. The debate was always inside of my head! I had to learn to take care of myself first. I did that in Alanon. I did that by going to LOTS of face to face meetings, working the steps with a trusted sponsor, making phone calls, work, work, work. At the end of Alanon meetings, we say: It works, if you work it! That is the complete truth. There is help in Alanon for you, too, dear Tammy. I hope you will work to find what you need, with the help of your HP. Blessings and prayers, mebjk
The medication is to help with mood swings, depression, emotional instabilities. Alcohol is a depressant. Alcohol is only going to fight the medication/s. I'm so sorry you and the children are having to face this terrible, (but fixable,) situation. This is just suggestion. I am worried for your family. I pray that you will contact the doctor with specifics of your A's actions. Not YOU, Not the Children... NOT even your "A" / spouse deserves the anger, inner rage, induced from this very dangerous combination.
I pray that you will contact the doctor with specifics of your A's actions. Not YOU, Not the Children... NOT even your "A" / spouse deserves the anger, inner rage, induced from this very dangerous combination.
((Tammy))