The material presented
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Good morning MIP. Today's reading is about fear and worry. This sentence, "When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert." speaks to me today. We were informed yesterday that my AH's youngest brother is in the hospital on life support in a coma. The shocking, sad, unexpected news with very few details sent me into a mental spin for a bit. After allowing fear/worry/projection to create a bit of insanity in my mind, I remembered how utterly powerless I really am and yet I have a choice to trust the God of my understanding instead.
The reading tells us that worry and fear alter our perceptions until we lose all sense of reality. We can twist neutral situations into nightmares. Since worry focuses on the future, when we learn to stay in the present, living one day/moment at a time, we take positive protective steps to ward off the effects of fear.
Many of us have tried to anticipate all possible disastrous outcomes to be prepared. Our program instead suggests that we try to see 'this process within more objectively. We have the support and tools to stay in the here/now and are better mentally and in service to others when we can practice this. Many of our fears will never come to pass, and if they do, our planning/prep. process will not make us better prepared.
As we grow in faith, self-esteem and trust in our HP, we become better tooled to deal with life on life's terms.
Reminder: Today I will recognize that worries can be potent and mind-altering. I choose not to indulge in them at all.
"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." Louisa May Alcott
I love how this program continues to give me what I need when I need it! I feel for all those who don't have recovery, support and tools to manage the storms that are a part of life. In moments like this, when I am able to recognize how utterly shocked and sad I am over this news, I have enough growth and grace in recovery to be able to recall, This is not about me and how can I be of service? If I feel like I feel, it stands to reason that my AH and his siblings are utterly gutted - I can pray for healing peace for them.
They are fully aware there is no miracle waiting to happen. There is no change of recovery. For reasons I don't know (and neither do they), he will not be removed from life support until Tuesday. If anybody asked me, and they didn't, I would let him go today. I find myself, once again, in the 'Death Watch' state - waiting for another to die. I do not like this place at all, yet am more at peace today than yesterday.
Worry and fear just simply can't co-exist in my brain with faith and serenity. I'm practicing faith instead of fear hoping to be serene and a part of the solution. We've opened our home for any guests that may need to stay (there are 8 siblings with spouses, kids, etc.) and I stocked up at the store last night.
No matter what's going on in life around me, I can take some action, big or small, to be of service to others. Because there is nothing we can do, just for today, we are golfing. Of course, that will change if we need to be someplace else. Prayers are welcome and appreciated. Make it a great day MIP - I plan to try to do so too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
{{{IAH}}} So sad to hear of your brother-in-law's condition. Grateful you can show me how to handle things at times like these...
Have been struggling with my own and my brother's health issues. And what you said above is true: worry and fear block out faith and serenity. And it's been a definite challenge for several weeks now, not to succumb. I have questioned my faith. I look back on a life that's been mostly pain, except for the past few years as program sank in. So I can say, why me? Or I can say (which I'm trying) today is OK--what can I appreciate? Always a grateful member.
I am so very sorry to hear of this tragic news in your family. I do appreciate that you were able to post, and show us how to apply the program in such a meaningful way during this time of family loss, sorrow, and stress.
I am grateful that you have reminded me that the best way to get out of the "Poor Me's," is "How can I be of service."
Feeling grateful today for all that I have.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Sorry to hear about your brother-in-law Iamhere. I appreciate you sharing about it and how you're dealing with it. That is so helpful to me.
"Fear and worry". That's what I woke up with this morning. Being a holiday weekend I was thinking oh no,what will it be like. And I could feel " those vibes" from AH and was starting to spiral down a bit.
After reading here though, maybe it's my own vibes Im feeling from the fear and worry. Maybe not. It doesn't really matter,I am going to do my best to stay in the here and now, one hour at a time or even one moment at a time if needed.
Thank you all for the prayers and support. My BIL was failing fast so a decision was made to terminate life support. He passed around 6pm, our time. He was 60 years old - too young and gone too soon. I keep reminding myself that for as sad as I feel about this, those who grew up with him and knew him for a lifetime have it worse.
We did golf today and then got to stop by and say good-bye. I am golfing again tomorrow unless I am needed elsewhere. Again, thank you all for your prayers and support.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
So sorry about this very sad loss. So sad and 60 years old is not old. Sending you hugs of support and comfort. I know what it means to let fear and anxiety and gloom and doom run your life because when I got the tsunami thrown at me that Im losing my benefits and I have no business, I absolutely went into a panic and depression and convinced that I could not take care of myself anymore and I was considering helping myself out of here if I cant turn things around. If I cant support me anymore, I just felt OK its time to go. But then I thought OK creator has kept me going this far and he has provided for me according to his riches in glory and I have been OK its been up-and-down since I lost my big client back in August 2019 but I have managed to be OK so I just do my gratitude list every day and live moment to moment sometimes because the depression and the grief can be overwhelming but I allow myself to be with my feelings and I do not suppress or repressed my feelings I allow them to pass and I cry and heaven knows I have cried a lot since the governor said he was ending the program that helps the self-employed. Yes lots of tears and lots of grief but in the same time lots of gratitude even if I have to say it through gritted teeth I do my grateful list and I cant tell you how many people have stepped up with kind things for me like my yard guy doing my yard for nothing because he just likes me, my handyman doing little things to help me, The older folks up the street sharing some food with me, I mean the list goes on all these little acts of kindness all add up and so I am thinking HP wants me here and not gone so I will go one day at a time
And yes if it was not for program I probably wouldve been gone because I am in my 70s now and I am too tired to be fighting life trying to survive. Like an older horse that got run into the ground into many horse races, I am tired I am ready to lie down. Im just hoping that creator will figure out a way to let me go out to pasture and just have some fun in my older age. Talk about having to really surrender, I cannot help myself no doors I knock on our budging nothing is happening so I am literally going to have to get out of the way so the fear and the doom and the helplessness and hopelessness cannot harness me with their negativity
-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 30th of May 2021 06:21:00 PM
Dear (((IAH)))). i love what TT said to you. Some people just have a big impact on us and the loss is excruciating especially if it is a loss due to the act of another as you stated that this is a murder. I nearly dropped my phone when I read your post saying that he was killed by somebody. Please keep us posted as you find out what goes on because all of us care and its just I dont know what to say except I am sending you loads and loads of comfort energy and peace energy.
To lose someone that way is just absolutely the worst. I know. My mother was killed at the hands of her husband. I tried to get an autopsy done on her and he talked his way out of it and they never did examine her body. But I knew he was guilty. There was never any investigation because he kept saying she was an alcoholic and that was what was put on her death certificate but I know, from events leading up to her death. I knew he killed her and so did my aunt who stepped up and tried to have it investigated as well but we were both called crazy and so it never happened but I know that God made sure he did not get away with it in the end
So please keep sharing As much as you feel like sharing and you are so strong in your program I know that you know we are listening and we care. I can only imagine what your husband is feeling right now and his kids and all the rest of his relatives. My heart goes out to all of you
One of my friends had a sister who last January got what we now think to be Covid. She didn't want to go on the respirator. Then she got sicker and went on it. My friend as her next of kin was repeatedly asked about taking her off the ventilator
I know this situation had an incredible effect on him especially after she eventually died
When someone we know gets that sick it is very hard to deal with. Then there are the issues with the people around them
On two occasions when I was with the qualifier I was seriously sick. On both those occasions he effectively abandoned me. In fact he resented me being ill deeply
I am glad you are reaching out for support a d understand uh ng. Grief is a complex subject
I am so glad that you have significant program under your belt so you have a great deal of stability at this time
I agree with you when you said you had wanted to let him go sooner, when my cousin Edith was on the respirator her final days, my two cousins whom I grew up with who were her siblings were in a terrible argument one wanted to cut her off and let her go home, the male cousin did and the female cousin wanted to keep her on life-support. They argued back-and-forth and I was their best little friend. I grew up with these kids I played with Edith. She used to use me as her baby doll because she had down syndrome and she would watch us pass her by and really didnt seem to bother her because we all included her in our games and our fun but typically of a down syndrome person they dont usually live very long but because Edith was so loved and so validated by her family including me , She lived into her early 60s Im trying to think I am the youngest of the bunch and I think Edith was 66 if Im not mistaken she was past 65 anyway she got very very sick with a respiratory disease and other things and there was no hope and there was no way she was going to recover and we got all kinds of doctors to give their opinions and everybody at Massachusetts general hospital said she was Not ever going to have a quality life. So my two cousins arguing back-and-forth finally they decided to let me be the tiebreaker
Well of course I asked question after question, I spoke with her main physician I mean it was Many hours on the phone with different doctors and I realized what I was sinking heart that The girl who used to play baby doll with me being her baby doll was not gonna come back to us so I went to bed and cried and prayed in I called my cousins at the hospital and I said lets let her go home and lets give her back to God he loaned her to us in love and in trust that we would do the right thing by her and the right thing by her is to let her go--so while I was on the phone with them the mail cousin pull the plug you could hear the machine turn off and we sat on our phone. They put the phone to Ediths head and I told her I loved her and I thanked her for being my friend and my male cousin said he just felt in his heart that she heard my voice that she knew I was there with her and within 30 minutes she gently passed away.
It was a very difficult thing for me to be the tiebreaker and say to them lets give her back to God but I dont regret it. She went home happy and full and free and whole. And no more sickness and no more down syndrome and when I go home, I will see her happy and whole and free. When I go I will be cremated and my ashes will sit next to hers and my dearest aunt and uncle and my two cousins will also be on the mantle whichever of us go first. But that lovely house in Massachusetts is where I found love and happiness and freedom from my despair Living with the monster. My beloved aunt and uncle would take me home all the time with them so I grew up with these kids. LOL I still say kids and here we are all elder adults. My man cousin is not doing well with his heart and I suppose he will be the next one resting on the mantle. Its difficult to think about it but yeah I was the tiebreaker it was as though I was there turning off the equipment. I dont regret it. I dont know why people fear Letting someone who is so hopelessly ill to go home, maybe it is they dont really understand what is on the other side but to me the other side is beautiful and lovely because in one of my suicide attempts I did come real real close and I know I saw the other side a glimpse of it and so I dont fear it.
Your brother-in-law is at peace and he is happy and whole like my cousin. As loving as Edith is, I can just see her standing there with all the loving angels giving him a hug and saying welcome home. But it is those of us who are left behind that are the ones in pain. I still miss lead us to this day. I talk to her sometimes and I know she is there ready to receive me when it is my time. We are here for you and we are listening if you dont feel like getting on the board, that is what you should do--rest and be with your feelings but if you do feel like getting on the board and reaching out to us, we are here and we are listening
One reason I try to be kind to some of my neighbors is that for me my family were not a source of kindness.
Therefore I am well.awate what randomness acts of kindness mean .
With detachment I can see people for who they are rather than who I believe they should be
My grief journey this year has been a tough one
At the same time I have grown tremendously from that journey
Maresie
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