The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My divorce was finalized about a week ago. Although we are still in the same house (and will be until the end of the year), I feel like this is bringing me to a whole new level of recovery and I am Very happy about it.
Now that we are no longer connected by law, I don't have to use any imagination to work my program. That is HUGE. I have realized that for Years, I have been trying to move forward in recovery but always with an asterisk. Since we have children together, we will always be connected. But now when I proclaim, "I can't cure, control ..." I really can't. Even if I wanted to. I can turn all my attention to myself and my children. My new goal will no longer be just to "survive tonight" but instead: craft a lifestyle in which I do not fall back into the old practice of accepting things I do not want to accept.
I feel braver than I ever thought possible.
Navigating this new normal will be a project, but one I'm so glad to start.
-- Edited by Fedora on Sunday 23rd of May 2021 09:08:51 PM
Fedora you got a step done and now must continue on. I remember my divorce from my alcoholic/addict and how that came out even till today. I married because I loved her and didn't need to be married. Sounds insane? It is. Learning that I didn't need to be married to anyone was a rocket science awareness and I gave my present wife that information at the same time myself when she came to Hawaii and told me she wanted to be married to me. I didn't and don't need to be married. I need to be responsible for me and to us. At the same time I have learned I need to accept and allow my wife the same thing.
My wife and I are different people; at times very different and the program has taught me with all of it's tools to accept the differences and similarities. Coming from and with the experiences of alcoholism and drug addiction and our program of recovery makes this marriage special and that idea and perception has gone on for over 24 years.
Some days she is better at program than I and other days its not a big deal. God will do for me what I cannot do for mysel
Good to see you Fedora - glad that you're in a better place! Sending you tons of positive energy and admiration -- you're courage looks great on you! Keep doing what you're doing!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Congrats Fedora. Somehow it always seems odd for me to congratulate someone on their divorce, yet I know that huge sigh of relief first hand! I had a gut response to your statement that you no longer have to "use your imagination to work the program." At some point, I think we can get tired of "Faking it till we make it." We want to be authentic.
Even though the dissolution of my marriage bond was not what I truly wanted (what I truly wanted was just not my reality), it was imperative to protect my kid, protect my sanity, and to protect me financially.
You have the strength and the right attitude to move forward in a positive direction... for you and your children!
All my best,
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
