The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks so much Debb for your service and ESH. I thought the Steps were just unnecessary nonsense when I arrived in alanon, but have developed love and respect for them. I have done them twice with Betty, several years apart, and the second time was like a brand new, wonderful journey. Although I reserve the right to change my mind on my favorite step, for now it's Step 4, made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. I think it was through this honest search, that I learned besides for all my flaws so easy to see, that I also had assets. And now with 8-9 years in program next month (9 years or so on the board, 8 years in F2F), I have come to love and appreciate myself. And this new awareness of myself includes seeing my character defects and still working on those, and no longer relying on others to define me. This changed attitude is one of my gifts from program.
Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. When I got to Al-Anon, I was not thrilled that it was suggested to me to work the steps....only because I had embraced them and worked them and lived them as an A. Well - the insanity of this disease and how it affects family/friends soon became my reality simply because my knowledge and experience in the other side of this program DID NOT prepare me for 'here'.
It's taken me a ton of ton to realize and truly accept how utterly powerless I am over this disease in others. With 'this reality' comes a whole different level of powerlessness over places and things. In Al-Anon, I have had the opportunity to know a whole different side or level of 'me' that truly was either denied or hidden until this disease came for my children.
I spent much of my insanity before getting here waffling between blaming the disease and the diseased. It was also easy to blame others who enabled or contributed along the way. At no point, until I got serious in Al-Anon, did I consider I had a way to get off the merry-go-round and to have peace and joy no matter what anyone else was doing/saying/not doing/saying, etc. I never dreamed I would have clarity of mind (thank you HP) to be able to be of service without affecting my boundaries or even just use Yes/No as complete sentences.
For me, the path to sanity and serenity is through the steps. There's no way around them, if I truly want to be happy, joyous and free. I've shared before yet it is worth repeating -- I've used these steps for other obsessions/diseases as well. Perhaps it's an age/stage thing - not sure, but each time I meditate on a step or the steps, more is revealed and it does feel as if it's new again. I have this happen to me also with our daily readers. I believe these awareness moments - also known as aha moments are my HP nudging me towards areas for review for bonus peace/joy.
Grateful for this program and a suggested program of recovery for a better version of me. We got rained out for golf again and it continues to rain in my world. Today was my day to donate blood and I'm grateful I am able to. The blood center did suggest they are no longer checking for antibodies and are no longer seeking convalescent plasma. Today marks 2 weeks from my 2nd shot so I've felt deep gratitude all day for getting to this point. I will continue to mask up until all ages have the choice to vaccinate or not.
Happy Thursday MIP family! Hope your day was joyful!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I say this often enough- and I do need to remember it. My fear of crashing and burning is slowly dissolving. Pictured the steps as a stairway- getting to the top- and then falling to the bottom- crash and picking myself up again.
I think I have done the steps enough- and use steps 10,11,12. I don't need to keep beating myself up forever. I did take on "progress not perfection". And then borrowed from the AA BB, with "Half measures avail us nothing."
I do not want to keep on living the passive-aggressive victim mode. I need some movement and momentum.
To our f2f group last night- lots of sharing and some laughter. Smaller groups mean lots more sharing time. ...
Two will be away next week. This is a tourist town- and we try to "sit in" during weeks like this.
At our meeting we always recite the Declaration. If anyone, anywhere... etc etc...
This does not have to be about rescuing and caretaking.
I tend to live in the moment now- which is a miracle. I was wondering where the first part of step 12 was going to come from-
and I realise now that it most often happens- "in the moment".
Thanks Debb and everyone else for your ESH as that is the glue that keeps me attached to recovery. I get to remember how, what, where and why I arrived and then made the decision to stay and understand why others also got here and stayed and became dedicated to "working" the program.
I became interested because so many others knew what I thought I knew better at and were smarter than I. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know was how my sponsor and others presented it to me and I had to find out mostly at that time because my ego was suffering from ignorance and fear and panic at what truly seemed would happen, I would be laughed at and pitied and poor me d. I had to know just had to and so I connected to the source, a power greater than Jerry F for help. HP was and still is there for me along with all of HP's tools; meeting, literature, fellowship, sponsors etc. etc. I entered college on the suggestion of my sponsor and my therapist and gained awareness and confidence.
The steps, traditions, slogans, concepts, service and more saved my life and have given me the ability to have a life; not a perfect one and one that progresses steadily onward on a daily basis. I live miracles which I use to think was fantasy and now know I was wrong. I get to share those miracles with others which I understand is service and others progress also.
The readings in the Courage Change this morning re-excited me because it awoke the recovery experiences I have had and I nodded my head in remembrance with smiles.
Thank you Debbie for the great share and also your service. I am married to the 12 steps. I go over them over and over and over and I will until I die. The 12 steps and the slogans were and are my life 101 its like for me, how to live a halfway healthy life for dummies. Theyre so simple yet they can be so hard to do
Thank you Lynne for stating #no longer allowing others to . Define me#
This week my schedule was ripped apart by mynsupervisor once again. That created a hole in my plans which Inhave been working on for over a year. Normally I would be on the floor or in bed with such a set back. Instead I have been adjusting. I have also been looking at how I seem to set myself up.for this kind of conduct. That is painful work
I have made adjustments to my schedule but I am still waiting on certain things to fall into place. Patience is not my fore
I most certainly did not believe I allowed others to define me. I thought I was defining myself
Now I realise I.most certainly have not been in charge of my life.
Thanks Debb, IAm, and Lyne... 
...