Such a beautiful tribute. Thank you for an eloquent share. Sending you love, light and blessings ((hugs))

 

(((((((((((((((((((((( Kathleen ))))))))))))))))))))

 

Mother's day  in our home and my life seemed a daily celebration and not one of happiness.  My mom the daughter of this disease was a power monger woman who brought much negativity and sadness into my life.  She punished heartily and often and kept a personality that was so negative for me that staying at hands length from her for me was easy.   

I found myself the point of least resistance with her and just too what was given out until I found the courage to change the things I could.  I didn't do it with rage and anger I did it with patience and quietude.  I stored a ton of anger and rage within and took that out on others.

In years I became a counselor...a behavioral health therapist and found the courage to offer or apply what I learned even with my mother along with taking opportunities to just leave her presence and go off alone.  

I had built a relationship with my Higher Power who held me to using my experience and skills to be helpful rather than dismissive.  When I didn't want to deal with the condition one evening I centered on leaving her and my step-father in the chaos they were having and told my Higher Power "I'm gone!!" where he responded, "Well you are a therapist aren't you?"  So I closed the door to the house and went back in to sit with them and "have a session".  The next evening my Step Father called me into the room with him and mom and thanked me for giving them something they had never heard before.  There were other times and our relationships became much more healthy and sane.   Thank you God.!!

I changed by becoming a Al-Anon recovering member and a therapist without having my mother as the focus.  She was not a alcoholic or addict...she was deeply affected by the disease.   Thanks for letting me share. 

 

this too is my 1st year without my mom after losing her during Pandemic. She was my confidant and friend. it was not always this way but i thank God for the 14 mos we shared. my spouse is an on again/off again binge drinker. tonite her illness has claimed her again. nite like these, mom would give me supportive words and it was xtremely helpful in being able to bare this insanity. an expensive DUI slowed down the episodes for mos thereafter. recently, court hearing behind her, shes found reason to rationalize long walk to local package store for vodka nips. verbal assault and door slamming follows kichen scrubbing, dropping, clanking looking for my engagement. generally, i drive off for several hrs hoping she wears herself out. i feel truly helpless. with my mom gone and best friend having pulled a Nomadland (movie starring Frances McDermid)..im thrust back to self but havent developed skills to cope with my mate's illness. i grew up in an alcoholic home. my mom's longtime partner was a chronic, wknd drinker. couldnt keep a job long, my father had abandoned us. mom was very young w/3 kids in late 1960s. she eventually became mentally ill with serious anxiety disorder, a shut-in etc. she didnt drive or have a HS diploma. it wasnt until her 2nd husband died that she found herself later in life. began working full time & living there as well. with everyone grown, she could save and feel free. my mother was a teen. both of my siblings are adults who suffer with addiction & mental illness. my sister died from it before she hit 40. my brother uses less harsh drug he feels is medicinal. i never take issue with pot in measured doses but i dont honestly know to what point he uses. i do know he is alternatively homeless and cannot keep a job anymore. if not for the generous gift of free room & board at my moms former roomate..he'd be in trouble. my family has always been too damaged to help in any way. they are aware of my spouses drinking / mental illness. we have been together nearly 33 yrs. id say were codependent as well..more her than myself. ive tried couples therapy 1x but it didnt go well. my own therapist believes Borderline Personality Disorder is at work and the binge drinking is part of the impulse control issue. to complicate this all further, i was forced early into retirement..she needed to leave at 62 as she couldnt cope in job and live as she does. just as Pandemic hit stride we were isolated together 24/7. its very very difficult living this way. even as i write this...i think omg, when & how does it end?! i was urged to join Alanon by my therapist but then churches shuttered their doors. i can foresee need to return to more frequent therapy so as not to emotionally & mentally nosedive. this is my first post. thanks for listening. if anyone has hopeful words and recollections of first stepping out to ask for support, id really appreciate hearing. i didnt mean to hijack as well, im simply attempting to relate, share and find some light. my mom was a relief valve for me. i miss her so much and dont understand why i keep losing those i love.