The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I said I was lead here by my HP, I mean that in more ways then one. Before I came here I was on the verge of a nervous break down. I became paranoid, [thought everyone was out to get me and hurt me], depressed [didn't sleep hardly at all, and smoked more cigarettes then I should have], angry [angry at life for because all of this was happening to me], hurt [because the I loved someone and I couldn't get threw to them no matter how hard I tried (obsessed and tried to control him I know that now)], didn't trust anyone at all (got so bad that I didn't even trust my own son I treated him like I was a drill sargent), I have health issues and my doctors were getting really worried. I was reading more into things than was there. I was for every part of the word a WRECK. My therapist wasn't helping much at the time. I was so upset I wouldn't go hardly at all. Figured it was a waste of money and I was already in financial, and emotional ruin once again. because just before all of this I had let my A come for a visit that lasted several weeks. It was all my choice and my doing. I gave in again I enabled the situation. Instead of learning to stand my ground for me.
I have just begun to learn what my HP has to show me some of them are good some of them I don't understand yet. I know in my HP's time I will. I look forward to each day with a new outlook on life. One that really is starting to make me fell like a huge weight has been lifted off of my back.
I used to have a great walk with my HP but some how I let life choices get in the way of my relationship with him. This program is bringing back to that. I will forever be greatful to the program for that and helping me find my sanity and my HP for showing me the way. I am far from perfect I know I have LOTS of stuff to work on. My mom said it best last night when I went over there for a visit. "You recovered once with God's love (referring to my own past and recovery from a drug addiction) what makes you think you could do it with out his love and support?" Got to love mom she says what she means and never sugar coats it.
My family is a melting pot of faiths and beliefs. But in the end we all love each other no matter our differences. I look at alanon that way. No matter how different each of our lifes are we all have a special kind of love for one another and support.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Angeleyes
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I believe in my HP to show me the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an honest post. I liked that sentence - I used to have a great walk with my HP. I need to slow down and acknowledge that my HP is walking beside me.
I too was a wreck when I first attended Al-Anon so I can identify with your post. Unlike you, I had turned my back entirely on any sort of HP and it took time for me to 'come to believe'. HP hadn't turned 'his' back on me though and with the healing love of my HP and groups I did begin to get better, a day at a time. My scepticism and cynicism were replaced with belief and faith. Today I am so much happier and a better person (even if I do say so myself lol). I'll never be perfect and was so relieved to finally accept I didn't have to be-whew! I'll always be a work in progress.
I wish you well on your continued journey of recovery and discovery. Work it, you're worth it.
Thanks, for your coments. I felt needed to see it and say it. Trying to get to a f2f but my hours of my jobs are making it difficult. But I am not giving up still going to keep trying. I know where and what time it is now just a matter of getting there when the meetings are going. Besides I have a feeling my HP isn't going to let me let this go feel a strong pull in my heart to go. Best way I can describe it.
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I believe in my HP to show me the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
