The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, May 10th, asks the question, how can I detach from my own wife or husband when our lives are bound together? The author says there are kinds of involvement that make our difficulties worse: when we interfere with the alcoholics activities, finding out where they are, what they are doing, where the money went, etc. Suspicion, searching and prying keep us in a state of turmoil.
Part of the reminder says: What we are meant to know will come to our knowledge without any action on our part. Let go and let God.
Quote: He that is in perfect peace suspects no one, but he that is discontented and disturbed is tossed about with various suspicions; he is neither quiet himself, nor does he allow others to be quiet.
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This reading hit me over the head like a hammer, a painful reminder of the kind of behavior I used to engage in. I was so desperate to stop the drinking and resulting behaviors (drinking and driving), that I stooped to spying activities like sneaking looks in my As planner, I called her job to see if there were really after hour meetings, and other such things that merely put me in a hurricane of negative emotions. Thank God all that stopped after some time in program. I didnt even have to make myself stopas I got healthier my behavior and activities became centered on myself in healthy ways. Thats still what I strive forto be the best person I can be for and to myself. And thats what its all about....
Thanks Lyne for your service and all shares. I left my first marriage because I too engaged in behaviours you described Lyne and did not want to live that way. In current one, I was on the receiving end and I quit my job. Anyways, I found this gem last year ...the 7 Deadly Needs. 1) need to know 2)need to be right 3)need to get even 4)need to look good 5)need to judge 6)need to keep score 7)need to control. Now that I'm applying AlAnon tools to change me, I see why this is a matter of life and death. I further appreciate that what's in the dark will be revealed in the light. I was so thrilled a while back when I discovered AH's "secret" sleep meds and when he denied using them (empty, current bottles) I shrugged and said maybe you are ( ab) using them, maybe you're not and WALKED AWAY. I actually felt compassion rather than anger...I am grateful to not have the physical component of this disease. Well, I hope I made sense but this post brought all this to mind. Have a fantastic day and thanks for MIP...the gift that keeps on giving...
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I was supremely good at snooping, prying and lived a life full of suspicion. 'Seeking the truth' made me extremely crazy, anxious and almost paranoid. I felt it was my duty as a right-fighter and I somehow felt if I knew the truth, then I could fix it all, solve it all or be justified in my reactions to the disease and the diseased.
Well - in my case, all that truth seeking and right fighting did was make me a paranoid, nervous, anxious person who was negative, reactive and just plain crazy. My obsession with curing, fixing, managing, monitoring this disease and the diseased in my home truly consumed so much of my energy/time that when I got to recovery, and heard this was unhealthy, I had no idea what to do instead.
Changing the focus from my A(s), this disease and the chaos it brings to me was extremely difficult for me. It was foreign, it was uncomfortable and it was devastating to begin to see and understand that I was contributing to 'it all' -- with my heart in the right place and the best of intentions. In time, I found it hard yet better and more healthy for me/my mind to trust the God of my understanding to disclose to me what mattered and to live and let live.
Old habits die hard for me, and thus I am so, so grateful for the Pause I've learned in recovery. Instead of storming forward with the first thought in my mind, that simple Pause to Prayer before I Proceed truly helps me make better choices for my sanity. I still at times want to know 'more' and yet have found comfort in trusting things unfolding as necessary, when necessary. I practice not forcing solutions, not assuming anything and just keeping my side of the street as healthy as possible.
Happy Monday all -- heading to volunteer all afternoon/evening shortly. Meanwhile, doing a bit of laundry and food prep. It feels more like fall than spring here - a strange weather year. Make it a great day MIP family!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I think of some of the things I have done it makes me cringe. I have even resorted to setting little traps in the past and creating fake email addresses.
I'm so grateful to not be that way anymore. I would be lying if I said I never snoop or evesdrop once in awhile but no where near as much as I used to. I'm a work in progress.
Yesterday it was snowing. Yes I said snowing. Today it's raining on and off and feels like a lazy day. I'm gonna embrace my laziness and have an easy going day.
