The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I missed my F2F meeting last night. Am in the big city for this week. and working north of the city on my BBQ Ranch.
I couldn't bear to kill and eat our spare ewe so I am giving her away to a good home.
Our local meeting is still an hour away for me. The number of regular members is gradually growing- from 3 to 4 to 5...
It is a strong convivial meeting.
I went to the retired colonel to debrief after our ANZAC service last week. He had a 2020 model Mercedes in the drive he was looking after for a friend. Just as well I didn't park in there. I parked on the sidewalk. But I picked up some good cues and ideas for the service next year.
The military has it's own protocols and boundaries. I have found it pleasant and rewarding. Two years as flag boy and ensign. And the kid i trained to do the flag ceremony last week was 11 years old.
I am hoping, going forward that our armed forces only have to do peacekeeping and ceremonials for the enforceable future. [Forseeable future- that should read!] In my family it has taken generations to winkle out the trauma and it's consequences. And it has only really started with me!
They had a glitch getting parts for the caravan and I had to stay an extra night there- in a camping ground.
I had a mini meltdown yesterday when this came up. But bounced back fairly quickly. The thought of becoming suddenly homeless was a bit of a trigger for me- even today.
School holidays here created a bit of a surge in bookings. But I made it in- to a warm spot.
I really liked the model that IAm talked about here. A larger Alanon group that can split into three rooms. Newcomers meeting, and so on. And members can shuffle round to the various meetings as required.
I like the members who are matter-of-fact practical people- and used them as role models.
The day is dawning here- being a farm boy I am usually up and about early- and like to beat the rush-hour traffic.
David, good to hear that Anzac went well and you got tips for next year!
So happy you found a home for that ewe, I am vegetarian and the thought of eating an animal kind of chokes me up,
but that is just me! AH eats meat, I do buy for him, but he cooks for himself.
Sounds like the local meeting membership is growing, that is a good thing!!
You are right!! On moment at a time!! {{SMILE}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
I have been going to zoom.mertimgs. it is a whole different spectrum having local be almost international now. In many ways it is so refreshing
Recovery is most certainly alive and well. That is what we have to imagine now. That more people are in recovery. More people are saying enough.
Personally I am at the point of seeing the codependent puts a strain on the family too. No boundaries is not something you want to model for your children. Abandoning yourself for a relationship.is not exactly a great model for a chikd either. That might be a quieter insidious way to br but it is massively destructive regardless.
Being boundaryless took.s tremendous toll on my life. Trying to help other people with their issues when they didn't want to be helped is not a very satisfactory way of life. Compelling certainly but there is nothing remotely rewarding in it
That is the odd paradox about recovery. I.most certainly have a lot of.boundaries now. I don't judge peopl e but if they choose a certain path they are not going to be counting on me to help them put of the consequences. When my colleagues at work tell me their issues my.own silent response is I don't know why you are telling me. That is your issue not mine.
Before there was no boundary between myself and the other. Their problems were my.problrms. N ow it is exclusively my problems. Moreover it is quite clear to me that being boundaryless is not pleasant to be around. Being sweet one minute and a raging nut case the next does not endear people to you it drives secure people away. The people that stick around have equal issues with dysregulation. Talk about a great mix. Who.wants to be part of the dysregulators?
No one who has some boundaries in place.
Going to work boundaried is a lot easier than going to work reactive. Living in the world in a modicum of regulation makes a big difference. I did not even imagine it.
Unfortunately many of us with cideoendence never get to the point of being able to see our part in it. We are surrounded by people who are acting more dysregulated than we appear to be. That is a great place to be. Everyone else looks terrible.
I have had a few peope get totally dysregulated on me.. They don't get a chance for a second act any more. Dysregulation was the stalwart of my relationship.with the qualifier. One reaction another reaction. When he was dulysregulared my reaction was off the record or rather off the charts.
When I came to al anon that was when the pause started
I had to go much further than pointimg the finger at others. The saying in AA when you point the finger st someone remember there are two fingers pointing back at you applies.
I could never comprehend that. However now I have time and professional help.I can take myself far more seriously. I deserve it
Whatever my family background I deserve a peaceful life avd equanimity. For those that simply want to act out until.they go into the ground I can watch their song and dance show and choose not to participate. That wasn't an option for me before
Somehow I could not be left out of the chaotic catastrophic roadshow before. That was so so familiar.
Now I can have my peace and quiet wherever I go.
Not quite as scenic as New Zraland but it gets better all the time
I missed my F2F meeting last night. Am in the big city for this week. and working north of the city on my BBQ Ranch.