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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Clarification
Post Info TOPIC: Clarification
JTS79


Newbie

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Clarification
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Hello Everyone! Im new to the group. Im looking for clarification. If someone that has been sober for say a year and has a drink they start back over from day one correct? My spouse has been sober for almost a year and recently had a set back. He is claiming and trying to convince me that because he didnt get drunk and was sober that his one year sobriety still counts. Is this true?

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Debb


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP JTS79! Glad you found us and trust to share and ask questions.

There basically is no cure for alcoholism, it can only be arrested with sobriety.

There is no cure, nor can you cause it or control it, therefore we learn in Al-Anon

to not confront the alcoholic. It would be wonderful for you, if you could join a

local Al-Anon group. I provided a link to research groups in your area. Having

support close by makes a huge difference, but of course you can always come

here to chat and work the 12 steps. In Al-Anon we work on our own lives and

serenity, irrespective of what the alcoholic in our lives is or is not doing. Al-Anon

is a game changer for me!! {{HUGS}} Please keep coming back!

al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/


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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
PosiesandPuppies


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear JT -

In my experience, I knew when my qualifier wasn't being honest with me or himself when there was strong "convincing" going on. All the counselors in his rehab (both centers) would tell the spouses, "Recovery looks and sounds like Recovery... anything else is just "stinkin' thinkin'. Needless to say, it took me quite awhile to know what true Recovery looked like, and that I had no real effect/control over it. That was a bitter pill to swallow, tbh.


I have been to a few Open Meetings (AA meetings in which anyone is allowed to sit-in and listen). I have heard your very same question asked, and heard answers... both from people active in their disease, substance counselors, and actual AA members themselves.
From counselors and people working a program: "The one year sobriety still counts as having 1 year of sobriety. However, once they use, they start over on day 1."
The people active in their disease gave varying answers... from gaslighting everyone, to being brutally honest with themselves and stating, "I had a year of sobriety. Today it is Day One.  By the grace of my Higher Power, I live One Day At A Time."

All that being said, I understand deeply how you feel... the answers you seek... the feeling of stability you seek. I was married for 29+ years. I would recommend learning all you can about the disease of Addiction. How it can change the neural pathways of the brain. Yes, very science-heavy stuff... but in my experience, that knowledge was key for me to know if I could accept my situation exactly how it was. Because that part was exactly about ME, and the ONLY thing I could control.
Awareness, Acceptance, Action - The Three A's.

Wishing you peace and clarity as you move forward on your journey of healing.



__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
DavidG


~*Service Worker*~

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 aww This is not AA, and I am  sure AA has it's own protocols. smile ...

     Does your spouse get along to AA meetings? 

     If he is able to get through another year- without getting rotten drunk-

     I would count that as a win. I would use our Alanon slogan- ~Progress, not perfection.~



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
Maresie888


~*Service Worker*~

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Every day they are sober counts. The fact they went a year without drinking counts 

 

Relapse is indeed part of the disease of alcoholism 

Arguing is also part of the oush pull in a relationship with an addict alcoholic 

Al anon is a big helo in.dealjng with the push pull aspect of the relationship 

Maresie 



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