The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear Debb. Thank you for your service and this very wonderful share
As a control addict, it was very hard for me to give up control over things outside of my own skin but I am finally, after being beaten down by life and people and other things, I just focus on myself now and my flaws and my survival coping skills or traits whatever I want to call them and I just let go and let God with the other stuff. I dont fight anything hardly at all anymore. I was so resistant because I had to be in control, if life would throw me something or something would fight with me like a project or something like that I would fight it and fight it and just sometimes I would win by brute force but the victory was hollow and unsatisfactory because I had to give so much anger and energy forcing my will. It just isnt worth it anymore and so now I just dont argue with anything I dont resist anything anymore if one way does not work I switch gears and go another way and as far as people and places and things go, I will do my best and if it is not enough, I let go and let God. I am sparing myself a lot of anxiety and pain and exhaustion by just not fighting with anything. But its taken me this long to finally get heart knowledge of what was in my head but I just could not give in because to me it felt like defeat but it is not. If plan a does not work I switch to Plan B and if my plans dont work then walk away. Let it go. Give it up. I accept what is and feel the feelings and then release those feelings and just walk away. It really is helping me in all ways to practice this but boy it took a lot of getting beat down to get me to this point
I had a call.from a friend this morning who is in the hospital
Normally I would be on my way over there by now. the call came on the.middle of the night. The rushing in to reduce being my cue. My qualifier had been particularly good at the overnight calls. He ignored me for years. Then set up.a series of emergencies that demanded my immediate attention. That strategy was very very effective for him. very effective
I have been #there$ for my friend for a long time but now I am at a place where it is a red flag to be getting texts in the middle of tbe night. In fact I told one friend of mine to cut out texting me in the middle of the night
Lately I have been going through it. I am in the.middle of a major transition. That transition is about to wipe out my bank account. My energy is at an all time low. In fact I have been really pretty desperate about how exhausted I.am
Therefore I am having to look at with certain people the requests for help are way over the top. That includes certain employers
My crushing fatigue is indeed a huge red flag
My.desire to rescue others and be there for others iped out my health numerous times. In the case of the qualifier it filed out by credit. That is not mention the depression I got from dealing with him. The dramatic depression that almost overpowered me.
I am extremely sensitive to my.environment
I am also on a flat out pivot to make a major transition
Where is that people in my.life think they can text me in the midddle of the night and I will drop.everything for them?
Thanks Debb for your service and for all the ESH above. I, too, took quite a long time to get the hang of not trying to force solutions and focusing on myself instead. I occasionally have a set back but in a short amount of time I'm able to realize it, and get back on track. BR it seemed to simple to just get the A fixed and life would be fine. NOPE. Not simple, and can't fix the A. That in itself was a rude awakening. But now I have a voice of reason through the teachings of alanon and my life is so much better. And let me never forget, progress not perfection.
Debb, thank you for this reading, and thanks to all who have shared. I am grateful that today's post made me look at this page in ODAT. A sentence that stood out for me is "My first obligation is to make a truly satisfying life for myself." This is what I try to do every day. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do make my satisfying life. Having lived with alcoholism in the past makes me appreciate this opportunity, and reminds me that I deserve it.
Good morning MIP. Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the ESH & shares. Control could have been my middle name. I had a (faulty) belief that if I was in control, all would be well. In spite of this style and belief being faulty, I continued to practice it for a long, long time.
Today, I practice acceptance & powerlessness instead. I too had to practice for a long, long while to see improvement on my desire, almost 'need' to control. I see improvement yet there is a part of me still that just wants what I want when I want it and also prefers things 'my way'.
I have worked hard to change up my rigid, black/white thinking and ways. I can often see more choices today that Yes/No/Maybe. I can better see the facts vs. my emotions and seek out direction from my HP who truly wants me happy, healthy & whole. Trying to control everyone and everything all the time was exhausting, frustrating and a great way to drive others away.
We have continued light showers here, which cancelled golf for today too. Truly, I am good with this as the plants, grass, trees, etc. needed the water. I am grateful that Al-Anon showed me how lovely have a Plan B can be, which helps my expectations/emotions be more healthy. Make it a great day all - love & light to each!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
