The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to the program. My husband was sober for one year last year (without a program) and relapsed horribly on his one year anniversary. I have now moved out because it was a living nightmare at the house, more than I could bear to watch. He didn't lose his job or anything but drove drunk all the time, was out of control. It was devastating, after the best year of our 17 years together. About two weeks ago he called sobbing, saying he was done and he could not live without me. He is reading a religious book, but hates AA and will not go. He seems to have hit "bottom" - called all of his brothers and admitted that he was really having trouble.
I am staying away for another month because my heart is just broken. I love him with all of my heart, we have no other problems except ALCOHOL. Without it, we are best friends. My question is, is there any chance that an alcoholic without a program can make it in recovery? I have gone through the program myself and am almost two years sober, and although I don't attend AA any longer, my spiritual faith and helping others is the key to helping me. Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you. What a roller coaster ride. I feel like I am NUTS sometimes!
Hello, Heidi, I'm so glad you have made it to Alanon. My experience, strength and hope are that you will be able to move out of the craziness if you go to meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, and do the footwork! You are very fortunate, because you will have two programs! I use this board to supplement my face to face meetings and working with my sponsor. You know how meetings are - there is something powerful that goes on in those rooms. In my "home" meeting right now in Alanon, quite a few people are in both programs. Good luck to you. Blessings and prayers, mebjk
Aloha Heidi! I am a recovering member of the Al-Anon Family Groups and that is what works for me. I know that AA and Al-Anon is not for everyone and that there are other successful recovery modalities. However a spiritual 12 step program works best. I seemed to get you where you are today; restored faith in a Power greater than Heidi and then restored faith in Heidi and now you are helping others. Isn't that what is said in the statement of purpose?
If your husband isn't working a program of recovery he is working a program of addiction. That is as simple as it gets. If he shuns (hates) the rooms where recovering fellows who are addicted support each other in recovery; if he is unwilling and refuses to be honest (I cannot do this by myself and need a Power greater than me and others who know how to do it.) with himself then the outcome for him and for his family and associates is grim. We in recovery have heard the promise that if we do not get and stay sober we either go crazy and/or die. Sanity is what the 2nd step promises, thru a faith in a Power GREATER than myself. Your husband is fearful and may be looking for an easier, softer way. For me the spritual, 12 step programs of Al-Anon and AA are the easier softer way.
He drank on his anniversary. That's not unusual. He relapsed as promised. He didn't go to a meeting on his anniversary. One of the instructions I was given years ago was in this order. "Don't drink and go to meetings. Works for me still.
This is the most cunning, powerful and baffling disease I have ever studied and without help we are lost to it.
First things first? I pray for my Higher Power to search out your alcoholic to get him to help. I pray that your alcoholic will be humble enough to accept the help. I also have family members who hate AA. They of course hate alot of stuff also and also still drink.
Keep coming back here or to face to face meetings in your area cause you might be able to help others but not without accepting help for yourself.
Heidi, while it is rare people do make it without the program, the problem is they still have some of the behaviors because they have not done the steps and meetings. But if he contacted his family and admitted his problem, you have a start. You have set your limit of giving him a month, you can see how it goes in that time and how dedicated to recovery he is.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, we are here for you, no matter what happens.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Thank you all so much for your honest and supportive replies. I know right now I need to pray - and have been constantly, for the strength and guidance in this situation - and take care of myself, I am the only one that can do that right now. I trust that God will show me the truth in this situation. Thank you again so much. Have a nice weekend... Heidi
Well I can understand AA is not for everyone. There are other modalities of recovery though. Is he willing to go to those. I think that his hitting bottom and admitting he needs help is one thing. I think going out and getting it is another.
Aloha Heidi! I am a recovering member of the Al-Anon Family Groups and that is what works for me. I know that AA and Al-Anon is not for everyone and that there are other successful recovery modalities. However a spiritual 12 step program works best. I seemed to get you where you are today; restored faith in a Power greater than Heidi and then restored faith in Heidi and now you are helping others. Isn't that what is said in the statement of purpose?