The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page looks at a symptom of our sickness: anger and condemnation toward others, justified by a (likely unrecognized) belief that what we do is right and what others do is wrong. These (seemingly) uncontrollable outbursts offer a kind of relief, but pay us poorly over time.
Reminder: When I lose control to anger I lose my peace of mind, turn control over to someone other than my higher power...isanger a good replacement for love?
"I pray for quietness to help me cure my own emotional instability. Let me use serenity to cushion the impact of whatever happens outside of me." - unattributed ----------------- My anger has been a struggle, before and after AlAnon. It is tightly wound to a belief that creeps in that I somehow know what should or should not happen...control.
AlAnon tools have helped, but the real change for me has to be tied to my spiritual development and relationship with my higher power...a much deeper, fundamental change. This is something I can't fake or rush, only add to and develop with consistency and time.
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders of AlAnon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and share. Guilty here of anger! Perhaps mine however had been more of a pot boiling, ready to spill over, especially when my A was drinking and driving, walking off balance, etc. I rarely exploded verbally, but I think holding in a volcano did a lot of damage to myself. Certainly one cannot feel at peace when the dam is about to break.
Im fortunate enough now to have leaned into alanon slogans, steps, etc. Most often I can let go and let God, live and let live, and in doing so, Im taking much better care of myself. Stress hormones can take days to clear out of ones mind and bodyI dont want to do that anymore. It was horrible and served no purpose. Grateful member.
Thank you, Paul, and Lyne for sharing on this topic. Anger was certainly huge for me when active alcoholism was in my life. I understand the anger came from my fear and powerlessness over that fear.
Like you, Lyne, I rarely exploded verbally. I certainly was "holding in a volcano" and felt that the "dam is about to break." I am still amazed that I did not get physically sick from the stress during that time -- I only got mentally/spiritually sick. Higher powers were watching out for me -- and I did my own footwork by getting therapy and eventually finding Al-Anon -- so I was able to step back from the brink.
This past week, a situation happened that made me angry, because I felt vulnerable and I had trusted someone who was not trustworthy, someone who is a flawed human being just like the rest of us. This person reached out to make amends to me. When responding to them, I was able to say what I meant, mean what I said, and did not say it meanly. That is thanks to this program.
I like to say that anger is a great place to visit -- but I wouldn't want to live there. I try to redirect anger -- towards awareness, acceptance, and action.
My action has been to talk to my sponsor, and this helps. I will be talking to her more. So funny, I just started working on Step Three. Given what happened, am I willing to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of a higher power? Can I trust a higher power to care enough about what I want? My head says yes, but my feelings and body are not on board yet. It takes time.
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 9th of March 2021 12:11:51 PM
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I am intimately familiar with anger and can say that I just opt out now. For me, anger is secondary and it arrives when I forget that I am powerless over other people, places and things and I allow fear to lead me when 'life' goes different than desired or expected.
I have a physical reaction when anger arrives, and it serves me best to literally pause and consider what's truly happening. I am a big fan of write about it, talk about it and pray about it. Unless I am willing to allow my serenity and joy to be depleted/disrupted, anger is not a luxury I can entertain today.
As I've worked on understanding anger in me, 99% of the time, I'm truly not angry, I'm disappointed. And, yet again, it is usually about my EGO, my will (vs. HP's) and my want to control. I am willing today to go to any lengths to rid myself and my days of any negative energy, which is a long, long way from my former 'right-fighting' style.
Happy Tuesday all - I volunteered all morning at the golf course and then golfed. It's been an incredibly windy day and I feel like I've been climbing uphill for hours!! It's been a good day though - love being outside...just wish someone would turn off the fan! Ha.ha.ha....
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Anger,my old 'go to' that was more habit than anything else,still tries to creep in and take over.
Last night I was stressed and tired and full of anxiety. I got this urge to wake AH "accidentally on purpose" in the middle of the night. I wanted him ti know how angry I was at him. He hadn't done anything, I was just feeling angry in order to avoid the stress and anxiety I guess. Of course it started a huge argument .And then after awhile I was asking myself why I was doing that and apologized. Things were ok after that but they so easily could not have been.
Anger is an easy thing to allow,and a dangerous one at that. Thanks to this program though,I was able to stop myself and make things right.
Thanks Paul, and y'all. My first Alanon meeting- which was a new meeting, we talked about emotions. A good starter.
Anger does not describe my emotions. A simmering rage did. Livid. At the awful hand that life had dealt me. Getting along to meetings taught me- that I was not alone- in my experience, that is.That was reassuring. At one time I believed that fear and anger were two sides of the same coin. Emotions do not seem to have borders, really. So- to get in touch with fear I called it terror. I was terrified, especially of abandonment. Well I did not know the intellectually- but guessed that was true.
I always had a belief system. I beefed this up. Put it to good use.
I realise too that both anger and fear can be healthy- in appropriate doses. Part of the machinery of life.
Living in the present moment- one day at a time- is a good way to keep emotions in balance. and using them, in regular way, with challenges and issues- as they arise.
I find that my belief system is much more available, and much more effective, in the present.
Autumn is touching us here. Colder days. We are going on holiday- vacation on Friday. Have things lined up which will be exciting and interesting for us. Starting to reap the rewards of recovery...
