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I canot believe it has been one year since Betty's untimely death.
One year ago I wrote about feeling that Betty showed me great kindness and patience when I was in a terrible place. That dark hole that had swallowed me up when I first came to al anon.
One year later I am writing that Betty showed me it was possible to completely rebuild a life to one that was rich in fun, beauty, self care and service. Betty certainly believed in being of service to Al anon
At the same time she built a comfortable, warm, inspiring life for herself. The apartment building she lived in on the lower east side had its own park and even a cafe. I know that Betty relished living on the lower east side of Manhatten.
One year later I feel a different level of grief in losing Betty. I knew for years that no matter what I could come to this board and get a warm welcome and encouraging words from her.
Being known was not a given in my life. What a gift that was for men
Given the crushing blows that Betty had to deal with how transformative that Betty could be the solid rock for so many in this program.
One year ago I was negotiating what I thought to be another crisis for myself. Indeed for me moving out of my apartment was mired in fear, being overwhelmed in addition to great resentment. I have always been pretty good at seeing impending doom from 50 yards. Impending doom was indeed yet another crisis I had to navigate.
Unfortunately 2020 was a year like no other.
One year later I am ready for new challenges. I feel less swallowed up in chaos and fear. I feel hope for the first t im me in a long time. Rather than see everyday as something to dread I manage to make progress daily. Progress certainly did not feel possible for me.
Betty cetainly found salvation within the world of Al anon.
For many people dealing with the tragedy that Betty had to navigate would have resulted in a life full of bitterness and regret. Betty rose from the epitome of grief and regret to relish every moment with her wide generous smile.
Grieving has indeed been a big part of my life especially since I began recovery. My grieving has often involved trying to compare my life to others. I most certainly envied Betty who made time to explore the world and celebrate. I most certainly did not appreciate what she had to do to get there
One year ago admid the shock of her untimely death we felt the loss of not being able to attend her memorial in person
Yet in our own way we created a memorial for her within this board. I am sure Betty would have loved that because Betty found much joy in her recovery.
I have rarely had the opportunity to grieve someone without resenment, anger and regret. I do not regret a single moment of knowing Betty. I appreciate her impecable taste, her joy in fashion and the arts and her infectious zeal for travel. Her it8neraries on her trips was formidable I know she loved her apartment. I can see why. I miss her steadfast presence in this group. Mosf of all I appreciate her unconditional love and support for everyone . Everyone who came here consistently had a warm kind welcome.
I am glad I made it through this very very difficult year. I am looking forward in a way I never thought possible. . Today I cherish the hope that I somehow found along the way. Most of all I cherish the time I had with her that helped me to move to new levels of a life I found difficult to own.
Goodbye darling Betty. Thank you so much for your service to this board your influence and dedication served us all so well through some very difficult times.
{{{Maresie}}}. Im with you on the loss of Betty. She was a gift from God and a role model like no other. I have her obituary picture hanging in both my homes. She implanted herself in my brainI will be forever grateful.
What a loving tribute for a very loving person! I sense a tone of "letting go" in your post. Letting go of the grief I guess.
There are posts that I read occasionally where I think to myself, "Boy! wouldn't it be nice for Betty to see the growth in recovery here?" As of late, your posts have been those.
I am sure Betty is looking down upon you, smiling her wide smile... enjoying the fruits of her service to MIP and Al-Anon!
"I feel less swallowed up in chaos and fear... I am ready for new challenges."
I bet those two sentences would truly make her day! Congratulations for hanging in there (through all of your challenges), for putting yourself first... for telling your HP that you are worth it!! It takes great honesty to look at ourselves... it can take great courage to make and keep great change in our lives... you are navigating both venues with grace!
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Betty was certainly the biggest heart pouring out into anyone in need on this board. She was wise, compassionate and patient beyond measure! I still miss her and Im so very thankful for all her wisdom she took the time to pour into my life. Beautiful tribute!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Betty was how I learned drama does not have to be part of life with an alcoholic. I remember when I began in Alanon her words were straight to the point but warm, kind and supportive. She would repeat the same things sometimes, but never with less importance, when it seemed something different had me upset (drama). This sort of discipline led me away from the chaos I had invited and made me realize what I was doing (my part) was unnecessary. She will always be missed.
Thanks for the awesome tribute & reminder Maresie... there are so many reasons to hold our dear Betty in the highest of esteems.... here are a couple that come to mind for me....
1. Humility - most of us knew that Betty lost her son Stephen to this awful disease, yet Betty was a tower of strength, gentle guidance,and support for the board and the program.... always. I fondly remember her responding to others who had lost a loved one, and she always replied with love & compassion, and almost never with any me too answer
2. Warmth - Betty loved all our members, even when some of them were behaving or lashing out in some sort of unlovable manner. Her patience and warmth were remarkable.
Betty and I used to IM each other a lot on here, and I truly miss that..... my Moms name was also Betty, so I once told our Betty:
Betty is the name of my favourite lady in the world that I DO know, and now it is also the name of my favourite lady in the world whom I have yet to meet
She was a rare gem indeed
hugs,
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
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Thanks for remembering Betty, Maresie... 
... fond memories... fresh futures... in her name... her hope- and patience.