The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from C2C, the author shares about a very frustrating experience - going to the grocery store, only to find some shelves empty. This problem can be avoided if the grocer does an inventory and notices what is missing. The author shares that the 4th step is like this - a 4th step inventory helps to identify which shelves are empty. We don't need to pass judgement on the empty shelves, and noticing the empty shelves doesn't have to be a painful or scary experience. But, by noticing what is missing, we are able to use the remaining steps to fill in those spaces. The author shares that, when formerly hurtful experiences recur, but the accompanying pain does not, that's when they really notice the healing power of the steps.
Today's Reminder: When I can't find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching ad fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference. Whenever I work the steps, I tell my Higher Power that I am willing to heal, to find a solution, to feel better. The energy that would have been dumped into worry, tears, and obsession can be turned into positive action.
Today's Quote: "We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We much back up our prayers with action." Freedom from Despair
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Part of today's reading that is sticking with me today is the suggestion that we do not need to pass judgement on gaps and spaces we find in the 4th step inventory. I have been thinking a lot about acceptance of what is without judgement, and so that particular phrase is really resonating with me today. Looking back, I can see how my expectations and judgement of myself, of others, of situations, lead to fear, pain, worry, doubt, and other negative emotions. Finding a space where I can accept what is, without thinking it ought to be something else, is something I have been working on through Al-Anon, especially as it pertains to my AW. Of course, this isn't an easy feat when accepting what is and acting accordingly means that I carry the majority of the family responsibilities. Yet, when I accept that is the way it is, I'm able to deal with things in the way that works best for me, and I have less frustration overall. I've been thinking about this in terms of work as well - accepting changes that are happening for what they are, leaving judgement to the side, lets me be present for myself and my co-workers without the negative emotions. This is something I'm still working on, actively, every day, but something that is leading toward greater serenity.
The snow has almost entirely melted off the roof, and I'm hopeful that the leaks around the door and in the kitchen will stop soon. And, next fall, you can be sure that I will be putting heat tape up, to prevent ice dams from forming to start with!
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks Skorpi for this great read and share. Im used to hearing, you cant get bread at the hardware store. Same thing. And how interesting to relate this to step 4. I use this statement about the hardware store when I foolishly think I can get something from my A which is impossible, like logic or rational thinking. Lately she says she cant do this or that because I am gone half the week. Its such BS! So I have to remind myself that there is not, nor ever will be, bread at the hardware store. :)
Happy Hump Day MIP and/or Happy Wednesday. Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. When I first arrived at recovery, and read the steps, the 4th step & taking an inventory equated to confession in my teachings from organized religion from my youth. Of course, like so many, many things, I judged the step and viewed it through shaded glasses before I even knew what it was about.
It's easy for me to remember that my attitude and outlook before recovery were bleak, negative, distrustful and the like. The disease had affected myself in such a way that I only knew how to forecast negativity, not believe or trust anyone/anything and always ASSume the worst. My thinking can still be my own worst enemy on a daily basis if I don't practice this program daily.
I am reminded today that Betty was one who constantly suggested we need to list our assets when we consider our inventory. She reminded me and anyone on a regular basis how much we matter 'as we are'. It is in this program that I have come to embrace and accept that I am not designed to be flaw-free; I am designed to be perfectly imperfect and making mistakes is a normal part of this human experience.
I am more aware of that which I lack today than before, and don't view it negatively at all. We have choices each day as we go about our day. I can celebrate me or not. I can live in today or not. I can find fault in self/others or not. I can live and let live and just roll with 'it' as it comes my way.
I no longer fear doing step work, inventories, change or growth. I have become a better version of me by focusing on me and embrace change/growth more than before. I'm grateful for this program....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
No I did not go to.meetings in Lower Manhatten. I wish I could gave met Betty in person
However I was lucky to meet her here and benefit from her generosity
Thanks for all the shares here,they've all been helpful for me.
I haven't approached the 4th step yet formally but I do think I am really taking a close look at myself and my own flaws rather than everyone else's all the time.
Hi there for me, having to get the Courage To Change, wasn't easy for me, in the earlier days I was just so scared, as I didn't know who I was going to become, but comes a lot easier today. I had to walk many, many miles within this program, and to work hard at it, before it started to come to life. I thank my God that He didn't give up on me, showed me the road and the way, also the love, patience, all that I needed to get where I wanted to be, or become the person I wanted to be. I had to want to want to change.
Sunnyfrog, when you are ready to do your 4th Step, always remember, when you look inside of yourself, that is where you will find all the Rainbows.
As I have been told many times a 4th step is also about assets Everyone on this board has many of them, kindness, openess, humility, compassion, patience, deep commitment and most certainly grace under pressure.
There was a person on that meeting whom Betty had nurtured and loved.