The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 2/1, is about taking Step 1: admitted we were powerless. The author stresses how we must impress these words on our consciousness so that it becomes an established way of thinking and feeling. We may have to repeat this step hundreds of times! We must accept the fact that we have no authority or power over any other human being. We cannot compel the drinker to do what we want.
Questions: Have I attained this frame of mind? Can I make myself let go of the problem?
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The longer I stay in program, the better I get at Step 1, but can I do it 24/7? NOPE. Just going back about 2 years, my A and I worked with an addiction counselor in couples counseling. As it happened, I thought I might learn to trust my A if I could intermittently do an alcohol test. And if no drinking was going on, I thought there should be no objection. The therapist thought this to be a fine idea. What a mess!! My spouse was so resentful, she felt the counselor was on my side (perhaps she was), and my A found a fake substance to trick me with. It looked like fruit punch, on the one day I decided to do this. I wondered how stupid she thought I was, and I guess then and there I took a great leap forward on Step 1I cant stop anyone from drinking, and that may mean no trust can develop on my end, and so be it. I have never tried to alcohol test her again and I never will. I have a problem to fixMIND MY OWN BUSINESS IF STAYING IN THIS MARRIAGE. Amen.
Happy Monday, Happy February and Happy Day MIP. Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I think I am helped greatly with powerlessness by recalling it each morning as part of my prayers & meditation in the morning. I am reminded each night how well my day went when I reflect upon the day with intent to grow and learn. Powerlessness is a necessary part of my progress in this program, simply because at any point I try to cross the street uninvited, it typically does not get well.
My life goes best when I can stay in my own lane. However, I am imperfectly perfect so do swerve now and again, unintentionally (and intentionally). The outcomes are the same - I end up hurt, sad, disappointed, or angry simply because things do not go as I think they should. For me, it's simple - I am (again) allowing my ego to lead instead of my HP. I have come to know me well enough that when I am discontent for any reason (currently, grieving), I have less ability to actively listen, and less patience as I am distracted. My best course of action is to be as gentle with me as possible, avoid drama/chaos if possible and stay as close to this program as I can.
For the first time in a long time, I bundled up this morning to shop in person. I truly needed to do some stocking up so did an Aldi's run. Last time I was there, in spite of mask mandates, there were anti-maskers. I avoided the fray/drama but really, really, really wanted to add my 2 cents. I did tons of mental preparation, chose a time that would be less busy and off I went.
It was not crowded, masks were on everyone and MOST were compliant. They have one way arrows for each aisle, and all were respectful and moving accordingly with distance except one woman. She was coming right up on people, reaching around them, going wrong way down aisles, etc. I opted to just keep clearing out of her way with each passing - she was disorganized and swimming up/down stream based on a list instead of how the store is laid out. It took all that I had to keep my mouth shut and pray for her and her ego instead of say something.
Yet, this was a good exercise for where I am. Even though the situation made me uncomfortable and a bit angry, I did not pass that energy on to the other shoppers or the staff. I was able to embrace that I am powerless over her as much as I am over those I love with this disease. I will readily admit I was glad to be in/out in under 20 minutes and super glad that I won't have to do that again for another 6+ months.
Recovery has taught me that even when I might be justified to say something, it's still a choice if I do or not. I have learned to pick my battles differently, and actually prefer to avoid most if I can. This does not mean I am passive; it just means I work harder to keep my power instead of giving it away. Remembering that I truly am powerless over people, places and things beyond me is a great tool reminding me to just stay in my hula-hoop and trust my HP to lead me as I go.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
