The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is a great reading and share Debb--thanks for your service! I've made good progress in the pity dept. as I now try to take responsibility for me, my behaviors, and outcomes. Honestly, I often struggle with anger and resentment towards my A, because so much help is available and none is taken. I ask HP to remove my character defects every morning, and I try to see the good my A does, which is plentiful, than focus on the problems. Keeping balanced is a daily challenge, but with program I am making headway. Progress not perfection ODAT.
Thank you Debb for your service ans share.
Like Lyne shared, I ask my HP to remove my defects each day. To help me to sow kindness.
I had to eventually realize that feeling sorry for myself and my situation only hurt my daily well-being. It took a "hot minute" for me to understand this! Oh well, progress not perfection!
Enjoy your day everyone! and
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I remember first when I first saw this wisdom on the board and literature. I was clear and informative and helpful 40 plus years and I still find the daily value in it for my recovery. Thanks ladies for your support. (((hugs)))
Hi, I loved this reading, and try not to get into the Pity Pit, sometimes it is not easy to do. As life and other people are not easy to live with, it's hard to do, and keep up all the time. Because I am a Human Being and not perfect.
Where I am now, today, I don't blame other people, and now that I can't be hurt unless I let others to do that to me. But the truth is that others do hurt me, life hurts me, and I have taken the time, when I am down, I stop and ask myself, " Am I feeling sorry for myself, hurt, or, am I grieving.?"
To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving.
I admit there are times I fall deep into self pity. It's usually when I've been triggered and my PTSD symptoms are in high gear. The old helpless, hopeless, "no way out" feelings rear their ugly heads and take me down. Thankfully they don't temd to last very long , not like they used to, I always pull myself back out, pull myself up and carry on. I don't usually wallow in self pity otherwise though,or at least I try not to. I think it's only natural to think sometimes "omg my life sucks, I hate my life", etc. when dealing with an A. I think it would be pretty abnormal to not think or feel that way at times actually.
And resentment, I am still working on that one and most likely always will have to work at it. I can get myself so worked up with my own thoughts of all the things that have hurt me or upset me. Lately I have been trying to get busy doing something when I'm starting to let my mind go there. I have been meditating way more than usual, listening to podcasts, finding little things to do around the house,anything to keep my mind distracted. One day last week I was so full of resentment(and anger) that I got in the tub and started scrubbing it and cussing, I did that for about an hour straight. By the time I was done I not only felt much better but my tub was spotless. I know I eventually need to face all the resentment head on and deal with it, maybe with the help of a professional, but for right now I am just trying to avoid and distract from it.
Thank you Debb for your service. It's been a long cycle for me of competing and comparing my insides to what others show me on the outside. That practice fed my thinking and feeling that I truly did have it worse than others on a regular basis. Thus, I spent a ton of time having pity parties, and truly believing I had the worse life, marriage, husband, kids, etc. in 'the world'...
Recovery helped me find my sanity in this area, and so many other areas. What I know now is that all humans carry baggage and burden; nobody has it easy/perfect. We all have hills and valleys, and my experience is no better or worse than another. The longer I spend comparing/competing with others and/or in self-pity, the more I am moving away from my spiritual axiom. That's my happy place - when I am able to practice unconditional acceptance & love and truly place my trust in my HP that what is ... is exactly what's supposed to be.
My best action/tools for self-pity, resentments & blaming of others is gratitude lists and acceptance. At any point that I wonder if my life is 'the worst', I am usually reminding by taking action or being of service that others are suffering too. It is without fail that when I am shown my life is truly pretty darn good when I'm in the present and focused on me. I am human and I have my moments of doubt, insecurity, etc. and I am also grateful for this program that gives me tools to help me get to a better place, over & over again.
I don't like to visit that place of self-pity and extreme sadness for long. It tends to lead to unhealthy thinking and a waste of my energy. I really believe now, as I age, that we only get one shot at this thing called life and recovery reminds I have choices how I do, live, love and experience this thing called life. Grateful for the shares, grateful for the ESH & grateful for Al-Anon.
Love & Light all - it's been a busy week here between volunteering at the golf course and chasing down vaccines for my parents and husband in 2 different states. Glad you're all here and glad you're a part of my journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It actually does help so much when we realize we're not alone in what we go through. I am grateful that others can be open and honest here and share their expereinces.
"To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving."
I felt that this sentence by WendyP needed to be highlighted. Because I have recently come to the awareness that my particular "pity pot" is about grieving for my old life. My marriage of 29 years. Who helped me with this awareness? Why, my sponsor of course! It took someone who was outside of me (my thoughts and memories) to point this out.
It's been 2 years since the divorce was finalized, and I can still grieve. Who knew? (Well, I guess my sponsor knew! )
I appreciate this thread and everyone's wisdom!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
This nails my triggers as of late... and then my story-telling starts (I weave a great yarn and then convince myself it's true ). This post and thread help so much, as beating myself up and being grumpy for feeling "less than" has been surfacing a lot...
and when I slow down, I feel grateful - I have many blessings to count, even though life in general feels far from perfect - it is in the slow moments with a quiet mind that I am able to feel self-love.
and 
"Get off the pity pot" was the message I heard. "The poor me's". 
...
). This post and thread help so much, as beating myself up and being grumpy for feeling "less than" has been surfacing a lot...