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Hello MIP! In today's reading, the author reflects on anonymity in Al-Anon. "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions"
The author shares that anonymity lets us leave WHAT we are at the door, and get to know WHO we are. We can leave the surnames, labels, and expectations we have been burdened with outside of the Al-Anon doors. In addition, anonymity helps Al-Anon members feel safe, free from labels, and free to be ourselves. We each, as Al-Anon members, have an obligation to respect and protect the anonymity of other members.
Today's Reminder: In taking my place among the thousands of anonymous individuals who make up the Al-Anon Family Groups, I know that I never again have to be alone. I won?t jeopardize this valuable resource by violating its most fundamental spiritual principle.
Today's Quote: ?Each person should be able to leave an Al-Anon meeting secure in the knowledge that what he or she has shared will not be repeated.? Why Anonymity in Al-Anon?
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Anonymity is one of the things I like best about Al-Anon. I really am free to be myself, my imperfect, becoming, self. It is one of the few places where I am not expected to have the answers or know what ought to be done. Titles and labels stay outside, allowing me to be on equal footing with all other members.
I've thought a lot about the tradition of anonymity over the years because I have a different understanding than some other members of my group. I see anonymity as something to be honored, respected, and something that I for myself can chose to break in certain circumstances. (For example, if I chose, I think it is ok for me to share my email address with an Al-Anon friend. If the friendship has developed enough, I'm comfortable connecting with some al-anon friends on social media. I don't believe that this breaks the tradition of anonymity, and I don't see this as being different from sharing a phone number.) But again here is one of the things I love most about Al-Anon. I can chose to share my email address, and I think it is ok to invite an Al-Anon friend to my house for coffee. Other group members can decide to do something different, and I protect their anonymity by not pressing or prying. I don't need to try to get them to change their minds or agree with me and my understanding. I protect their anonymity by honoring their preferences, and accepting their boundaries.
One thing that I find to be incredibly important is that what is said in a meeting stays there. It won't be repeated or shared. This helps me to open up, and share honestly. I can be imperfect, I can be confused, I can change my mind. And I don't have to worry about repercussions of processing my thinking and my challenges with my group. This enables me to be fully myself and for my
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks Skorpi for your service and interesting share. Before I retired I felt concerned about showing up at alanon meetings F2F. But as time went on, I realized that all there were in the same boat. We have all suffered from the effects of alcoholism and we are all wanting to heal and find peace. So while I was still working, I eventually no longer worried about someone not holding strong to anonymity. They are trusting me not to share their personal information, and so it goes. These days, I wear my participation in alanon as a badge of honor. Im am proud that I am a part of this magnificent program, and tell many people that I attend. :)c
I have a hard time trusting, so anonymity is extremely important to me.
That being said, I'm really beginning to find this program so helpful that I wouldn't care if anyone knew I was a member.
As far as what anyone else shares,I do respect others right to privacy. I feel grateful and honored to be able to read such personal things and I would never repeat any of it.
I'm sure I will think and feel the same once I can get to f2f meetings too.
My mother was an incredible gossip. Boundaries were not her forte. But then of course everything was a secret in our house
I have gone from being completely open about my bqckground to really having boundaries. Of course I sometimes have to disclose I am disabled
So when I see people outside of meetings I am very tactful
Having boundaries has been a struggle for me
Having friendships is a struggle all on its own
I am in a new phase of my life addressing complex ptsd. It isca hopeful time but a really intense time
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. I am an extremely private person and very protective of my privacy online, in meetings, etc. I absolutely have the utmost respect for anonymity and it's served this program well for a long, long while. I've not been in any other organization that functions as well as recovery does; there is usually power struggles, titles, etc. - even in the volunteering community. It's refreshing to know that I can be a train wreck, be authentic in a meeting and nobody will judge me or share about me to another.
Other aspects I've encountered and added over time - it's not my right to tell the story of my A(s). Al-Anon is refreshing in they ask us to focus on self vs. what we think others have done 'to us'. I've gotten so much better at protecting the stories of my guys, in that who they are and what they do is not what makes me tick - rather, it's my own response/reaction that matters (good/bad) - progress, not perfection.
I've also learned that it's not a good idea to acknowledge one you know in recovery in other settings. It might generate questions that are uncomfortable to answer. Again, live & learn is a great motto for our program. Respecting others privacy and feeling it in return helps me feel safe in Al-Anon. If I didn't feel safe, I wouldn't be able to be authentic and honest which would limit growth.
Happy Wednesday all - woke with a slight cold so opted out of golf and have been relaxing most of the day. Hope everyone had a great one! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service and share Skorpi, and all above for your ESH...
It is interesting that anonymity also applies to us in a state of humility as we leave our labels and expectations of who we are at the door. The position, title, occupation, social influence means nothing in the rooms of AlAnon; here we are all equal, all children of god, all someone who is affected by another's drinking.
Who or what we are on the outside does not make our suffering greater, our experience more valuable, our opinion 'better' or more weighty. Here we are no one but a member of AlAnon. There is something we can learn from everyone as there is no human 'authority' or leaders here, just a spiritual environment where the principles and concepts are what matter, not position and ego.
AlAnon is a unique and special place, so grateful for the wisdom and reminders
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Skorpi for your service
Growing up a household completely devoid of boundaries I knew chaos at a cellular level
In so many ways you have to wonder how the founders of AA created a program that was so structured and nuanced
Bill and Lois were after all homeless for so many years.
Yet somehow a group of tremendously dysfunctional peoole creared a program that was so incredibly beneficial across cultures, across age groups and across time
...