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Post Info TOPIC: Thoughts on gift giving occasions


Veteran Member

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Date:
Thoughts on gift giving occasions


My A husband is extremely hard to purchase gifts for. Unfortunately, this is the case, if he likes the gift or not. I don't know if this has anything to do with being an A or not, actually, because his mother and siblings act somewhat similarly. I don't tend to put as much into it as I used to. I try to just keep it fairly simple, sticking to things I am fairly sure that he will like. This year as usual, I can't really tell if he likes his gifts or not. Asking him would seem like it would be a simple solution, but, he doesn't really like that. My plan currently is to wait a week or two, if he hasn't shown any interest in the items I am questioning, I think I may just return them. It isn't intended as an angry spiteful move, just that if I made a mistake, I don't want the items to just sit unused in the box. This has happened. I feel fairly sure that if he likes the items even a little, they should be touched within a couple weeks. Another gift giving occasion is coming up very soon. I do have what I think will be a wanted gift in mind for that. I was thinking that I am probably not the only person that experiences this type of situation, so was hoping maybe that someone could share some ideas on how to deal with this appropriately.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 131
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Finding Grace, good morning and thank you for coming to MIP with your concerns!!

AH is not difficult to buy for, but my mother is! Whatever I give her she doesn't like

and it took me a while to establish a more appropriate gift giving ritual. She likes

certain stores in her area and I purchase gift cards for those shops for her to pick

out her own gifts from me. It is easier for me and eliminates resentment and worry.

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1854
Date:

Hi Finding Grace. I can tell you that my A seems unable to act in a rational, logical manner, much of the time. Yesterday I mended a most beloved throw blanket, by hand as my sewing machine is at my other place, and instead of a kind thank you, we nearly had a fight. I believe you and I are both experiencing what I call the alcoholic personality. I believe that a person using substances much of the time (alcohol, drugs, food, whatever to dull their feelings), is not able to show up and be present. As the conversation with my A was ending, and we didnt fight exactly, I said to myself: no bread is at the hardware store. Im trying to be the best person I can be under these circumstances, and whatever I do must be without expectations. My sponsor taught me that and I need to remind myself over and over again. Let me do what I think is right and let all the rest go. :)

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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 932
Date:

Thank you for this topic. 

The qualifier was indeed never happy with whatever I.got him. 

We had intense conflicts over it 

I had the chance to.go to.see my.dog who.is at my former roommates. However it is Christmad so I.know to stay away. 

There is indeed no one quite like an alcoholic at Christmas. 

I spent years banging heads about this issue. 

Now I simoly.stay.away. 

I am having another persoective on this over Covid. 

Of course as all the bars are closed people are now drinking.at home. 

Moreover they cannot seem to keep away from entertaining 

That is because they cannot go too long without drinkimg 

Moreover Covid had bought up.so many issues for them they can only manage them with drinking 

Sad times 

 

Maresie 

 

 



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Veteran Member

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Thanks so much you guys, for taking the time to respond to me. I appreciate it so much, it's so nice to know that I always have somewhere that I can go, with people that not only understand, but never judge. I figured that others had probably also encountered this. It's difficult to try to explain things to others sometimes. It's so nice not to feel alone.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 143
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My mom used to be hard to buy for. I would put in so much time and effort trying to find the perfect gift/gifts for her but she always returned them because she didn't like them. It would hurt my feelings so bad every year.

One time I decided that if she was going to return everything anyway I would make it fun for myself. I bought really ridiculous gifts, one of them was even a night gown with Chippendales dancers on it(the look on her face was hilarious). I wasn't hurt for once, i knew she was going to return them and at least I got a good laugh from it. I never told her that I had done that purposely. LOL

When I buy gifts now I get what I think someone would like. If they don't like it that's fine, I don't stress or worry about it anymore. It's just not worth the hassle of being stressed. Or I like to give cash, everyone likes that.

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Veteran Member

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LoL sunny frogs! Love that nightgown story. I would have started laughing my butt off, and blew my cover! So, my AH started wearing his main gift today, it is a smart watch, so...as far as I can tell he does at least sort of likes that. That was the most expensive and important item, so now if he doesn't like the one smaller item that he hasn't touched, it's ok. I don't want to ask him if he thinks he will use it, so I'll just wait n see. I wish it could be easier, but he honestly isn't my only person that is hard to please. I agree with not getting so worried or stressed about it all. Now my concern is more just not wanting it to just sit in the box unwanted and unused.

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Veteran Member

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Quick question....how do I break my comments into paragraphs? I type it out that way, but it posts as one large paragraph.

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a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1249
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I wasn't able to do paragraphs on the mobile version of MIP.

But on the webpage version it is possible.



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