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Post Info TOPIC: Christmas time count down


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:
Christmas time count down


I had so many Christmases with the qualifier where he went  out of his way to make me unhappy. This year I was looking forwsed to smooth sailing. I had a schedule set. I had my plans of how much I could save. I had long term plans .

Then I started to get a series of really big bills. I killed myself to keep up with them. I had a therapist who was not being supportive. I stopped seeing him. Eventually I wrote him a note stating he had let me down 

That was a first for me. Normally I put myself in a place where I gst so upset that people can reject me 

They can label my behavior as unacceptable 

Of course for some people having a simple boundary is inacceotable. Then you are dysfunctional and they call you all kinds of names. Who needs someone like that 

Then I had another medical emergency. That involves paying more money out. 

I have to deal with it immediately 

Meantime I am just tired 

The city that I live in has a homeless issue.  Some of the homeless have been setting fires where I live they have been doing it for months. 

That behavior is a big risk to others 

Do you think they will take this person to the hospital and keep him away from setting fires.  No. 

I have been sending notes for weeks. Then I went to a committee meeting and found out how much the federal government gave the city for this emergency.

So then I.wrote them a note stating that they are saying they have no resources when they have been given unlrecedented funds 

So in effect when I come home in the morning I do not know what I am coming home to.  More chaos 

I am deeply resentful of people who take money and then let everyone down. Every turn is we cannot help you because ok f COVID. 

Then it comes up how much money they got because of covid 

So the double bind is they got all this money and they do not want to honor their  commitments.

So there we are lots of double binds. Lots of resentments and lots of more steep uphill curves. 

Good Christmas present

Last night I had another big hurdle. I spent all day today taking care of that. Luckily I was able to deal with it 

Now I am onto another hurdle  The next one will take weeks to deal with.

That will take some  ingenuity to deal with 

 So for me Christmas is about not getting another hurdle.

I simply cannot deal with anymore 

 I have a support group to go to in the new year. 

I hope I will find some good support there 

I will get another therapist as well. 

The new year is full of possibility 

The present is full of really big obstacles. 

That is really hard going.  More hard going in a really really hard year 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 579
Date:

Maresie888, I fretted about the huge bill for all the trees that were uprooted from the hurricane in August, it devastated what we had set aside to pay property taxes.

I am on SS, since I retired last December, and fortunately AH is 6 years younger than me and still working. I also had, at the same time, a large medical bill and was trying

to take care of Christmas presents too. I sold all my jewelry and antiques, buckled down on the food expenses and was able to come up with Christmas money and a partial

amount for the the medical deductible, the rest I had to put on my credit card. Had to call the Health Department, which in turn had to call the State Health Department because

neighbors had so much garbage in their yard that it was attracting mice and they were getting in our house. So, I guess what I am getting at is, you are not alone.

Nothing, including our problems, last forever. When we view our issues as finite, then they seem larger and harder to overcome. When we live in the moment, and not in a

cumulative .... past, present and future, it makes it easier to survive the present.



-- Edited by Debb on Friday 18th of December 2020 10:33:32 PM



-- Edited by Debb on Friday 18th of December 2020 10:34:10 PM



-- Edited by Debb on Friday 18th of December 2020 10:38:36 PM

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

I took care of one of the issues today. 

Now I am onto the next on Monday 

I have to set aside what I wanted to do for Christmas 

When I moved back into the building I am in during May I gave up cable. I have not switched it back on 

That is a hard thjng to go without 

I am at this point just exhausted. It has been such a hard ling gruelling year. Just one thing after another. 

Being around certain people is toxic really really toxic 

It is almost like a reprieve to be away from them. I know one thing I cannot be around the former roommate over the holidays. He is so vicious and nasty. I have been around him for 20 years. Now I am dealing with the issue of how nasty and vindictive he is.  Nothing brings out the nastiness for a narcissist alcoholic than the holidays. The qualifier went all out over the holidays he excelled at it. 

I am finally getting to a place of self preservation. This morning I was at the point of being totally fried 

I have to regroup from there 

Totally fried is where I was for years around the qualifier. Being in that place is really terrible for ne on many many levels. 

 

Maresie 

 

 

 

 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 579
Date:

Maresie888, I bought myself a digital antenna cause we can't afford the high cable bill. It works pretty good for about 20 channels!

Mental exhaustion is worse than physical exhaustion sometimes. Is there something creative you enjoy doing? I love to paint, but

gave up all my art supplies to my granddaughter. I know my cat is a lot of fun to play with, and takes my mind off of my troubles.

When you are not planning and working, having an outlet not related to your daily grind is important to clear your mind.

I agree that removing yourself from the presence of toxic people is an important step to serenity and it sounds like you are no longer

with your qualifier, so that is a good thing right? Glad you are working on your program and equally happy that you are working

to a goal of peace.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

Dear Debbie 

IUnfortunately the TV got damaged. I have to.wait to get whatever.  The new medical expense I have to.deal with are ny major priority

I have to deal witb that first.

I am absolutely fried into the ground.

Totally wrecked in the manner that was normal for me around the alcoholic.  Just ground down to total exhaustion.

Too many problrms. No support. No therapist 

Absolutely shot 

 

Maresie 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2725
Date:

I have compassion for all who are in pain. I know it all too well. Program is helping me to change my attitude for the things I cannot change, and certainly change (at least try) the things I can. I lost a beloved dog about 5 weeks ago. My A is drinking and not interested in help. My son and his family have not spoken to my A in four years. I live in two different places and try to split time in half for holidays. I have a huge hole in my condo ceiling, waiting for the plumber to come and fix it. I could go on and on, but if I focus on all this stuff I will feel miserable. I'm trying to look for a silver lining, make lemonade from lemons, keep my head over my feet, and see what's good about today. Sometimes I feel almost engulfed in pain, and then comes a better day, like today. The sun is out even though it's 24 degrees outside. People are sick with covid and lying in stretchers in hallways of hospitals. That would be so much worse than what I'm going through. I can't help but feel grateful.....

__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Good morning Maresie and all....I too have compassion for all OF US who have pain. Our program suggests we do all that we can (take action) to change our attitude and outlook as what we focus on grows. I don't know anyone who's hunky dory with life and life events this year. Beyond great personal loss, I am in a perpetual state of grief for all the lives lost to this pandemic. I am reminded each day that no matter how bad I think it is for me, there are others who are in a worse place or gone now.

I struggle each year during the holiday season. I could list a million reasons why but the real truth is I am not getting my way. My way and my will would have no pain, no estrangement from kids/grand-kids, no loss of life, no illness, no financial strain, a large holiday gathering, peace on earth, etc. For me to 'go there' is not a good place to visit. Instead, I try really hard to focus on what is good - I am healthy, I am able, I am open for change, I am willing to change, my dinner is in the oven and I had peanut brittle for breakfast...Small efforts of action help me change up what I am focused on - our tools are so, so very helpful. I too am grateful...

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

I just have to.get through the holidays 

I am done thinking about it could be worse. This year has been real hard for me 

There are certain people who make it harder 

The ex roommare being one of them 

He always was.

However at this time my.dog is staying with hin 

There is no point acting imoulsively. 

I just have to push through and get to the other side 

The good news is I am no longer giving till I drop 

I am tired of that lifelong habit 

At the same time I am tired real real tured 

This year has been one long haul 

I have worked through the whole year 

Yeah when I left the qualifier I was thousands of dollars in debt. I had hardly any money 

I flew by the seat of ny pants 

The qualifier made my life an absolute nightmare 

I still felt responsible for him 

He made demands on me till I said no.

Saying no has been very hard for me. 

Saying no to taking care of others over me 

Saying no to being bullied 

Saying no to working myself into the ground 

The bad news is it is all uphill .

And I am tired real real tired 

The person who I need compassion for is myself 

Then there are boundaries. Real real big boundaries 

I have to watch those boundaries 

People will run you into the ground 

I have had it with that 

I have to pull myself up.

I cannot mince words about this 

It is a hard slog to make it through this real real hard 

I am counting the days into next year 

Maresie 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2795
Date:

I keep you in my nightly prayers, Maresie.

"The person I need compassion for is myself."

Yes. There are no truer words. They ring loudest for some, and not so much for others. The key is to know which side of the fence you fall.
You know.
You are taking the steps.
At the same time, you still have Hope in your heart for your future come 2021!

Keep on truckin' Maresie!!

Wishing you
&

__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

This has been a really tough week in a really tough year 

Last year st this time I was getting ready to have to move out of ny apartment temporarily 

Who would believe this while year would be so incredibly difficult.

The move out was a series kf disastwrs. On top of thaf I was ill with Covid 

The good news is that is hooefully the last tine I have to deal with putting myself into the lions den 

That is putting myself around peope who want to undermine me. 

But on the scale of things what a long saga of stresses, moving changing jobs,  illness that is a series of illnesses, lack of resources, take in a few catastrophe's, having to shift my  plans. I was supposed to be moved out for 2 months.  Instead it was 4 months.  During my move out I was laid off from my job.which was a time I had additional expenses. 

Talk about a roller coaster. On top of that I.was staying with an alcoholic who is wholy self absorbed.  That is never gives anyone else a moments thought 

I mean talk about set myself up for hardship. 

Talk about a time when you need a program more than ever 

Even in this past month. I took a job my.scheduke was set through the end of the year.  Suddenly.that schedule gets pulled.  I have to scramble to get something else. 

 Then I have another series of challenges especially this week.

I mean talk about being in the middle of a storm 

So in the next ten days I am just glad to say goodbye to this year.  Next year will be challenging too. 

However I am not looking at the same series of challenge.

So really detachment got me through but now I have to regroup 

Regroup, beef up my program and start over 

Most of all I have to review my expectations of what Incam do and when. 

Maresie 

 



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