The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author uses an avalanche to help visualize best practices in dealing with a problem drinker (qualifier) and our own challenges.
Avalanche: As snow piles up, risk of avalanche increases. Ill advised actions: Jump in front of approaching avalanche, or take action to trigger avalanche over a loved one, or ourselves.
Alcohol: As self-imposed problems pile up, the likelihood of life collapse (bottom) increases for a drinker.
Ill advised actions: Jump in front of avalanche of problems to shield drinker from consequences of their actions, or take action to force a drinker to experience or face a bottom.
AlAnon suggests we stay out of the way, not try to orchestrate events as we think they should unfold, as we are powerless.
Reminder: We do well also to heed this advice with our own problems: Don't heap self-created problems (resentment, regrets, etc) that can come crashing down and bury ourselves.
"The suffering you are trying to ease...may be the very thing needed to bring the alcoholic to a realization of the seriousness of the situation." So You Love an Alcoholic ------------------------------ Heeding this AlAnon suggestion was one of the most difficult things to do for me in recovery; it is incredibly difficult to watch a loved one suffer, or believe that their actions may end their life, and stand aside to let events run their course according to their decisions.
As difficult as this is and was, this was a must for the recovery of the alcoholic in my life, and for me to find serenity. I had to get out of the way and stop interfering (read slowing down', as painful as it is for me to admit) with my qualifier's and my own recovery.
When I follow the wisdom and guidance of the program, I find serenity...so grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks for sharing this reading for today from Courage to Change, Enigmatic. The story of the avalanche reminds me of a story that my first sponsor told me about something that she used to do to try to 'protect' the alcoholic. They were both golfers and she remembered one time when the sprinklers came on and he was trying to hit the ball and she stood in front of the sprinkler so it wouldn't mess up his shot. She likened this to how we as al-anon's try to stand in front of the alcoholic protecting him from the consequences of his actions, like trying to play on a golf field where the sprinklers are on. I'm sure we all have tried to 'stand in the gap' for our alcoholics before we got into recovery. We think we are doing a 'noble' thing until we get into the program and realize we are obstructing the natural occurrence of things to bring them to their bottom.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. I can relate to the visual of the avalanche and can also relate to 'this' being so very, very difficult. I had no idea how to remove myself from the middle of the chaos/drama/disease in spite of putting myself there - with the best of intentions.
I find stepping to the side and watching the downfall of another human very, very painful. It's taken all that I have to do this at times and then try to replace the uprising of fear within me with faith in their HP as well as my own. As with most things, practice helps me to see that when I try to control the outcomes, it doesn't go nearly as well as when I allow things to unfold.
I am grateful for the progress I've made in this program. I am also grateful that when I feel fear, anxiety, disappointment, other I have tools that help me stand to the side of anger and resentments. I coexisted with anger and resentments for many, many years and today, I'd rather do the work necessary to avoid returning.
No avalanches here today! Sun is shining and it appears to be a decent weather day here - so I am off to golf!! Make it a great day all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Paul for your services and for all the great shares above. This reading is the story of my life with my A, and how many years I tried to protect, change, and force solutions on my A, all with the result of hurting me. I do my best now to stay away from the avalanche and with detachment and all my other tools, I rely on program and HP to stay sane. It breaks my heart to see my As bad judgement and poor choices, but the years I spent trying to change another person simply did not work. Im trying for a peaceful day today....
I can also relate to wanting to protect my AH from the avalanche - so much so that I would be buried myself. So, so painful to see someone else hurting to the point of dying and not being able to fix it. But the sentence that the very thing I do may stop my AH from seeking recovery helps me to try and stay on my side of the street.
I feel I need to work on not burying myself under my own avalanche. Thank you
I protected my AF from the avalanche. I have to believe I did the right thing for me.