A life full of fear is no life at all. These days I have much less fear.

    Today I had to get a warrant for the caravan, organise a plumber, and take our accounts to the accountant.

It is 10 am now. In between I checked on my bee hive, and visited a friend for a cold drink. All done.

Naturally we were a two income family until I retired- and I had to take an hour off work to do this sort of stuff.

It was a filed worker job- and the management did not have any idea why a worker would want to or have to leave the site for anything. I always clocked in and clocked out with my hours- but it did make them suspicious, and nasty sometimes.

Next Monday I have to take the dog to the vet. And this is the next big task.

I spent the last week working over on the coast- for myself, which was good.

I always learned that we needed fear and anger, as well as joy to survive and get through life. But too much fear and anger is dangerous to health- and to relationships. I called both our and called them terror, and rage. I had to do this to get a handle on my situation.

I used to be a bit cynical- and feel that therapy was an American aberration. Maybe even a status symbol for some. It may well be, sometimes? But essential for many many people. 

So these days I see a therapist once a month and that time is tomorrow.

I work with ACA, as well as Alanon. Also been deeply into C-PTSD issues, breathing, and retraining the brain. Good regular meeting attendance is a part of this. This group here has become my home group.

I find, that over time sharing directly through journaling can be really powerful. Empowering.

having spent year around an A. with the focus on their needs and/or survival is extremely debilitating.

It's stretches  the bodies defence systems to the limit- and even beyond.

I have a lot of the books on this. This year I was going to a 2 day professional course in Christchurch to further this interest. It has been postponed to next year because of the pandemic.

My approach is a lot different to most to other other participants.

Being there I am learning stuff to practise on myself. Purposely.

The only ethical way for me to participate. I have done this before two times on related topics. I found that I got on really well with the other participants. I sorted that those there to fill in their resumes mostly sat towards the back.

After years and year of group experience I have confidence... I find that i know my way around.

I always have some sort of hunch- which part of the room will I get my needs met? Where will I be heard?

So I always sit up near the front where I can eyeball and interact with the tutor.

The fees and travel are expensive for me and I do get my money's worth.

But more importantly I learn! 

Listen and learn is one of our slogans.

I was really lucky in Alanon because I learned the steps, traditions and concepts early on.

So I am confident, when I speak these days that I am working within the guidelines and principals.

In a healthy functional group, at the very least.

This year I focussed on Step 12. Still going through this process.

Next year it is to be Tradition 5.

Working towards this now- getting started. Going to more f2f Alanon groups and forums.

Applying a little more "old timer" status and wicked cunning as I go along...  ...

Thanks for much for this chance to share- and for reading through.

DavidG.

-- Edited by DavidG on Monday 7th of December 2020 11:39:06 AM