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Post Info TOPIC: My day...


~*Service Worker*~

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My day...


 

hmm A life full of fear is no life at all. These days I have much less fear.

    Today I had to get a warrant for the caravan, organise a plumber, and take our accounts to the accountant.

It is 10 am now. In between I checked on my bee hive, and visited a friend for a cold drink. All done.

Naturally we were a two income family until I retired- and I had to take an hour off work to do this sort of stuff.

It was a filed worker job- and the management did not have any idea why a worker would want to or have to leave the site for anything. I always clocked in and clocked out with my hours- but it did make them suspicious, and nasty sometimes.

Next Monday I have to take the dog to the vet. And this is the next big task.

I spent the last week working over on the coast- for myself, which was good.

 

I always learned that we needed fear and anger, as well as joy to survive and get through life. But too much fear and anger is dangerous to health- and to relationships. I called both our and called them terror, and rage. I had to do this to get a handle on my situation.

 

I used to be a bit cynical- and feel that therapy was an American aberration. Maybe even a status symbol for some. It may well be, sometimes? But essential for many many people. aww

So these days I see a therapist once a month and that time is tomorrow.

I work with ACA, as well as Alanon. Also been deeply into C-PTSD issues, breathing, and retraining the brain. Good regular meeting attendance is a part of this. This group here has become my home group.

I find, that over time sharing directly through journaling can be really powerful. Empowering.

 

having spent year around an A. with the focus on their needs and/or survival is extremely debilitating.

It's stretches  the bodies defence systems to the limit- and even beyond.

I have a lot of the books on this. This year I was going to a 2 day professional course in Christchurch to further this interest. It has been postponed to next year because of the pandemic.

My approach is a lot different to most to other other participants.

Being there I am learning stuff to practise on myself. Purposely.

The only ethical way for me to participate. I have done this before two times on related topics. I found that I got on really well with the other participants. I sorted that those there to fill in their resumes mostly sat towards the back.

After years and year of group experience I have confidence... I find that i know my way around.

I always have some sort of hunch- which part of the room will I get my needs met? Where will I be heard?

So I always sit up near the front where I can eyeball and interact with the tutor.

The fees and travel are expensive for me and I do get my money's worth.

But more importantly I learn! aww

Listen and learn is one of our slogans.

 

I was really lucky in Alanon because I learned the steps, traditions and concepts early on.

So I am confident, when I speak these days that I am working within the guidelines and principals.

In a healthy functional group, at the very least.

 

This year I focussed on Step 12. Still going through this process.

Next year it is to be Tradition 5.

Working towards this now- getting started. Going to more f2f Alanon groups and forums.

Applying a little more "old timer" status and wicked cunning as I go along... biggrin ...

Thanks for much for this chance to share- and for reading through.smile

DavidG.



-- Edited by DavidG on Monday 7th of December 2020 11:39:06 AM



-- Edited by DavidG on Monday 7th of December 2020 11:39:49 AM

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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2725
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Hi David. I wish I was a stranger to fear and anger but unfortunately I know them well. Im certainly better at handling both now. I have a lot of tools from our program that help me on a daily basis. I too, see an alcohol counselor 1xmonth to help me with the strain of living with an untreated alcoholic. I just asked myself this morning if this is still what I want to do....Im not sure I have the answer.

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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1400
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David, I completely agree --
A life full of fear is no life at all.

The summary of all you have done and are doing for recovery is inspiring!  Speaking for myself, all the things I have done -- Al-Anon, service, sponsor, steps, therapy, taking care of my health, meeting new and old friends, accepting life on life's terms -- is bringing me joyous days, one day at a time.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1360
Date:

David 

 

My childhood was saturated with fear.  I was after that absolutely saturated in it 

I lived ate and slept fear most of my life 

Today I was standing downtown and the police pulled over a van and arrested everyone at gun point right in front of.me 

Normally that would be a big catalyst for fear. Instead now it is a time for me to.take care of nyself 

I did that

End of story 

 

I view fear as a healthy thing. I certainly fear getting into another dysfunctional relationship 

I also fear moving somewhere else(which is part of my plan) and getting sucked under 

 

Those are healthy fears 

I live in a turbulent time 

 

Maresie 



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a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1396
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I'm so in awe of productive people like yourself. Suffering zero motivation at the moment. Those are awesome skills you have David and a beehive to boot!

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Senior Member

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Posts: 167
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I love the idea of focusing in depth on one step or tradition for a year.  What great insight that must bring.

Living with fear and anxiety is indeed no life at all.   I have come to realise that life with an active alcoholic is always going to have some fear and anxiety no matter how much I work my programme.  And perhaps also how much just keeping it a bay drains my energy.   I choose to be free from that fear and anxiety and remind myself that I just need to keep on having the courage to change the things that I can.

Love and peace to you all. 



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Senior Member

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Posts: 479
Date:

DavidG wrote:

 

" A life full of fear is no life at all. "

    


 This hit me square in the middle of my being. If you've read my post on "FEAR - dealing with the after effects of living in an alcoholic marriage" (and I think you have), this is just what I've been dealing with, and you are so right, it's no way to live. I came across a verse that helped me a lot: 

For God has not given us

A Spirit of Fear

But of power and of love

And of a sound mind.

If I look to my HP for help this is where I start with healing. I've been told I have PTSD from having lived with and gone through what I have with the alcoholic, but this too can be alleviated with time and self-care. I've been practicing doing the things that I'm fearful about, like driving. I drove to the town nearest to me yesterday, in the rain and made it there and back again without incident. Today I will drive to another town and try and find a vet clinic that I will apply to. It is baby steps at this point. Each trip I take and succeed is a step in the right direction. Progress not Perfection. Trying to do it One Step One Day at a Time.



-- Edited by Overcome on Tuesday 8th of December 2020 09:50:37 AM

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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2795
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Overcome -    

Just thought I would acknowledge the strength you showed by facing your fear of driving!!! Keep facing those fears! 

&



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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 579
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David, thank you for this discussion! I can say with surety that Al-Anon has helped me lose my fear of the unknown, when it comes to dealing with AH.

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie

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