PC, 

Thanks for that. I have been doing a lot of questioning on how people can think the way they do myself. I too have been finding myself angry and hurt when I am questioning why others think the way they do. 

A great reminder to stay in my own yard and to quit peeping over the fence into theirs. It is their mess and none of my business. 

Yours in recovery, 

Salome

PC when I was working patients and groups I learned before starting my career to ask myself that question knowing I had my answer to it coming from groups and therapy and college myself.  How could I?  just because I could.   I discovered working with my sponsor and others that I didn't know and didn't know I didn't know anything about alcoholism and drug addiction and therefore had the primary tools for "how could I?" I had the ego and self centeredness to "act as if" which gave me the group. Changed my thinking when I asked myself that question and positively inventoried answers. 

Reading your question on this post brings it all back.  Gonna charge me for the session?   

Good to see you back on the board.  (((HUGS)))  

Well we are certainly in the crazy times here in the US 

That time of surrender to what is rather than what should be done. It is like watching the world come to an end and in some ways it is because as my meditation teacher says there is nothing normal about this 

During the time I was with the qualfier every year I would get particularly upset at Thanksgiving. I.wanted so so desperately  to have a special day.  He never cooperated to give me a special day any other day.  Somehow I was hooked into the fact that my whole self worth was tied up in that day. Every year I went into freefall when my unrealistic expectations collapsed which was of course guaranteed 

This year I get to watch other people act out what they are prepared to do for that day. Of course I  can say how ridiculous it looks superficially but I am one of those people who put my whole self esteem on the line about what that day represented for me.

I stood on my head so many times trying to get that day that was memorable in some way. One year I paid for us to go to this idyllic resort about 3 hours away.  It was gorgeous, the scenery was wonderful.  The hotel was lovely. I didnt notice he was not that enthusiastic.  Of course he was only comfortable in his skin when he was high. Otherwise he was coming out of it 

When we hit that #day# he said we had to go back right away leave early for some long list of  excuses.  Really he had to go back to get high.   Of course I had to take his addiction very very personally. His need to get high on every occasion had nothing to do with me.  I went along with what he wanted. I was still decades from being able to say No.   

It is very very sobering to watch other people show how desperate they are to make Thanksgiving into something they will throw away their life for.   I most certainly was there long before this pandemic.

This is certainly another Thanksgiving I will not forget. Like my time with the qualifier it is for all the wrong reasons because there is nothing to give thanks for in this pandemic 

I am very sad we live in such very black.days.

I am also very sad that I existed with so very little self esterm for such a long long time.  I was desperate to feel some self worth and I had no idea how to make it happen.  Truly very very sad times in this unprecedented time  

I.most certainly do know the issue of how can you think that way. What is painful is to.acknowledge ny own faulty thinkimg 

When I am Round certain eole the triggers sds hard. Generally there is nugets of information in that.

I also have to look.at constantly the issue of how much stress can I.endure 

Alcoholucs ckme wuth tre mb endoys stress 

I am much mire resistant to dealing with that. Much  much more resistant. 

Limits are good but they bring up a lot of atuff very very painful stuff very difficult to integrate 

Maresie