Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: How Can You Think That Way???


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
How Can You Think That Way???


In today's world in general, I find myself repeatedly questioning how people can think a certain way that I consider absurd or wrong.  The healthy lessons I learned in alanon have an immediately calming come back to this line of thinking, as I can let myself get pretty wrapped up in this to the point I'm angry at people I don' even know.

 

So here is what I learned here:  People can think whatever they want and it's absurd for me to even question others rights to think in any kind of way.  Detach.

 

I wasted and do waste of lot of time fretting over how and why other people think ways they do.  In fact, working as a therapist, that is actually my job, but I do not need to take that part of me into all my affairs.

 

I just wanted to drop a note and say how helpful it is for me to repeatedly answer the though of "How can you think that??" back with "Duh...you can think whatever you want and I don't control that."



__________________


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 6
Date:

PC, 

 

Thanks for that. I have been doing a lot of questioning on how people can think the way they do myself. I too have been finding myself angry and hurt when I am questioning why others think the way they do. 

 

A great reminder to stay in my own yard and to quit peeping over the fence into theirs. It is their mess and none of my business. 

 

Yours in recovery, 

Salome



__________________

"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall

God is seldom early, but he is never late.

a4l


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1396
Date:

I love this PC and it's super nice to "see" you. Yup today's world we all speak our thoughts even if they are the verbal equivalent of a fart in public lol. I had to quit soc media again and I probably should stop trolling YouTube too haha.
I don't control other peoples thoughts and moreover I don't want to. Maybe we all need a house in the country to escape to from time to time. Have a great week!

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1334
Date:

 

PC when I was working patients and groups I learned before starting my career to ask myself that question knowing I had my answer to it coming from groups and therapy and college myself.  How could I?  just because I could.   I discovered working with my sponsor and others that I didn't know and didn't know I didn't know anything about alcoholism and drug addiction and therefore had the primary tools for "how could I?" I had the ego and self centeredness to "act as if" which gave me the group. Changed my thinking when I asked myself that question and positively inventoried answers. 

Reading your question on this post brings it all back.  Gonna charge me for the session?  awwbiggrin 

Good to see you back on the board.  (((HUGS)))  



__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Good to see you PinkChip and what a topic.....I truly have had to just accept that these are crazy times, everyone is a tad bit crazy and there's no formal rule book or set of instructions on 'how to do a pandemic' esp. with our country so, so, so divided. I am forever grateful that we do have a program with a variety of tools to help me detach, otherwise, I have no doubt I would return to fighting everything and everyone.

For me, my ability to use these tools and keep my center/serenity begins with One Day at a Time...when I start my day the suggested way, I have a good chance of ending my day with joy, peace & serenity in spite of what others are doing, saying, thinking, etc. I can just no longer have the attitude, outlook and life I deserve if/when I allow my ego to return, front and center. These are certainly crazier times than usual and again, I am so grateful I have a program and support who understands!! Happy Friday to you and yours!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

Well we are certainly in the crazy times here in the US 

That time of surrender to what is rather than what should be done. It is like watching the world come to an end and in some ways it is because as my meditation teacher says there is nothing normal about this 

During the time I was with the qualfier every year I would get particularly upset at Thanksgiving. I.wanted so so desperately  to have a special day.  He never cooperated to give me a special day any other day.  Somehow I was hooked into the fact that my whole self worth was tied up in that day. Every year I went into freefall when my unrealistic expectations collapsed which was of course guaranteed 

This year I get to watch other people act out what they are prepared to do for that day. Of course I  can say how ridiculous it looks superficially but I am one of those people who put my whole self esteem on the line about what that day represented for me.

I stood on my head so many times trying to get that day that was memorable in some way. One year I paid for us to go to this idyllic resort about 3 hours away.  It was gorgeous, the scenery was wonderful.  The hotel was lovely. I didnt notice he was not that enthusiastic.  Of course he was only comfortable in his skin when he was high. Otherwise he was coming out of it 

When we hit that #day# he said we had to go back right away leave early for some long list of  excuses.  Really he had to go back to get high.   Of course I had to take his addiction very very personally. His need to get high on every occasion had nothing to do with me.  I went along with what he wanted. I was still decades from being able to say No.   

It is very very sobering to watch other people show how desperate they are to make Thanksgiving into something they will throw away their life for.   I most certainly was there long before this pandemic.

This is certainly another Thanksgiving I will not forget. Like my time with the qualifier it is for all the wrong reasons because there is nothing to give thanks for in this pandemic 

I am very sad we live in such very black.days.

I am also very sad that I existed with so very little self esterm for such a long long time.  I was desperate to feel some self worth and I had no idea how to make it happen.  Truly very very sad times in this unprecedented time  



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2725
Date:

Wonderful topic Pink Chip and shares that followed. Especially now with covid, everything else our country is facing, and my A who never ceases to amaze me, I acknowledge my thoughts and feelings, and then try to turn it over, let go and let God, live and let live, and detach. It's a tall order, but at least I must try and not waste my time and energy on things I cannot control.










__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1360
Date:

I.most certainly do know the issue of how can you think that way. What is painful is to.acknowledge ny own faulty thinkimg 

When I am Round certain eole the triggers sds hard. Generally there is nugets of information in that.

I also have to look.at constantly the issue of how much stress can I.endure 

Alcoholucs ckme wuth tre mb endoys stress 

I am much mire resistant to dealing with that. Much  much more resistant. 

 

Limits are good but they bring up a lot of atuff very very painful stuff very difficult to integrate 

 

Maresie 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:

Thanks for the responses all. Yeah....I caught Covid from work like right before Thanksgiving. Confirmed that test result positive last night. Seems a mild case though. Pretty sure I gave it to my husband. I'm almost surprised I didn't get it earlier given the high amount of face to face daily contact I have with addicts in a rehab setting that don't do what they are told and many don't care and some don't even "believe in" covid. Oh well. I am grateful this is seemingly mild and I wasn't making big Thanksgiving plans and that this happened before I could even think about getting together with folks for Thanksgiving.



-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 25th of November 2020 03:05:30 PM

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Mark - both of my parents got Covid in March. They are 85, my mom has a host of health issues. She ended up also with pneumonia. Their disease overlapped, so I headed out and took care of them at their home for multiple weeks. I never got tested, never had symptoms and am truly surprised I did not get it (unless I did and had no symptoms). I did what I could to avoid 'them' and am a germaphobe so was extra, extra careful and cautious but there were 2 very sick people and 1 caretaker sharing a 2 BR home, shower, etc.

Take good care of you both. My son, my sister-in-law, her dad and her sister all have had Covid. Each had different 'levels' of sickness yet they all had weakness and lack of energy in common...The lack of energy lasted way longer than expected/desired. My kid could not taste/smell for multiple months - my parents never lost theirs, just had no appetite. It's a strange disease with so many unknowns - hope it stays mild for you both.

Get well!



-- Edited by Iamhere on Wednesday 25th of November 2020 05:08:12 PM

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.