I still have to deal with my forner roommate because my dog is atayimg at his house. I am within a few weeks of being able to bring ny dog back to the building i live in. The rennovation of the building (which has been all year) is almost over For 20 years I have been friends with someone who deliberately tried to trigger undermine and uoset me. For 20 years I have grieved raged and been triggered by his actions. For 20 years I believed he had my back. For 20 years I have reacted and been upset by hus behavior i was gaslightex so sucessfully by him. He has a whole repetoire.of gasligting The crisis point was this year going to stay with him when my apartment was being rennovated. A 6 week saty was 4 months because there was extensive woek on my apartment. Meantime he went through every trick in the book to make me dee bad, unwelcome and unworthy. At one point he yelled at me wheb ai was very sick and on my way to the hospital. The gaslighting was constant, unremitting and targeted. He waa at his peak. What was worse was that I then had to leave.my dog with him because of problems at my apartment. He has gaslighted ne daiky a out how my dog is now #his# how much better 9ff the dog is.with hom.as well as his constant remjnder to pay him for the peiviledge. However this latest round was different. First of all vecame ill, pretty seriously ill and had to be off work for weeks. By then thankfully I returned to my apartment. Secondly much of the work I had out in in al.anon was paying off. I got some space around his efforts to #trigger# and make me feel awful. Then I managed to perfect the pause tool. I inserted some space in the inevitable reaction to his efforts. I also became more adept at detaching. Most of all I had to greive that that relationship was not going to be.one I wqnted or needed Of course the relationship has.not ended .i am not in a position to retrieve my dog yet. Nevertheless now his efforts to trigger and dimnish me.have atipped working. So has my reactiveness. Now I merely feel sad that he chooses to behave that way. I know as long as I was reactive to him my business with him was unfinished. Moreover now I believe I.do not know.who or.why he behaves as he.does. The relief of not having an extreme response.tothis.individual is.immense. He chose to behave abominabky whe. I was satying with him. His efforts to gaslight continue unabated. As far as he us concerned he is landing his jabs. He has absolutely no interst in how I am doing I owe him nothing. I just have to hold steady until .can my dog. Nevertheless is is a.huge relief to be.out of the scirxhed earth response to his vindicative mean vicious behavior. I can walk away knowing that he didnt get to crush me.one.more time. I have many of these relationships. Most didnt last 20 years This time I cracked the codes and triggers that had me trapped. The day I bring jmy dog home will not be the endmof this because I ended it when I stopped responding. Any th7ng agter that is a whole other eelationship one.that doesnt cinsist of me being obliterated.