The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the important relationship of sponsor/sponsee in the program. It is written from the point of view of the sponsor, and how seeing the growth in recovery of a sponsee is such a big part of the program.
I have not had the experience of being a sponsor, but my relationship with my own sponsor has profoundly affected my life for the better. Everything one might imagine about the benefits of sponsorship has been true for me: a patient and kind witness, someone who has assured me over and over again that there is strength within me and in fellowship with others, and someone who has helped me navigate the steps forward and back that are part of recovery.
The quotation from the book on sponsorship describes it as: ...a form of communication that will nourish both of you.
I am grateful for having stumbled into the program several years ago, and grateful for my sponsor who continues to hold me by the elbow and keep stepping forward.
Thank you Mary so much for your service and today's Daily!
My sponsor gives me support when I need it, and "straight talk" when I need it. She knows that I don't like to "skirt around" subjects, and they don't always need to be said delicately with me. I am OK with straightforward. LOL!
I am thankful for her insight, and the ability to give me an unbiased, outside opinion.
I hope that everyone enjoys their Sunday! My state is literally on fire... yet the fire that was relatively close to my city is now under control,. I pray for all the firefighters - especially those who have come in from other states. Thank you, and may safety abide w/you while you are here!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Aloha Mary and thanks for the ESH this morning which I need for serious reasons. My dementia is raging and I am needing and using the thoughts, feelings and faith of the MIP fellowship even to remember little stuff. It is real and reminds me of being under the influence of a mind and mood altering substance called alcohol. I know HP is here standing with me so that I can get my meditations and prayers straight and out to Him. I am working with inventorying my past life in order to not repeat thoughts, feelings and actions which hurt myself and others. In order to do that I must remain focused on the principles of our program and then practice, practice, practice with good intentions.
Mahalo for that smile you have graced us with for so long and for me which takes any grim ill intent away from my daily behaviors. Again thanks.
Glad to hear that the fires near you are getting under control. Thinking of you, those who are being evacuated and all who are risking their lives to fight these fires!
I never thought of dementia and how it might relate to the altered state of mind under the influence. That is a powerful something to consider today. Thank you for sharing that!
Practice practice practice are the words to live by, for sure.
Jerry
I am so very sorry.to hear of your health oroblems. This year has been a real rough one on.all.of us.
I know that you will navigate this crisis with geace tenancity and grit. I also know your nsny years of program will give you the strength and diligence you need
Maresie
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I am always lifted when I arrive at MIP, as I get what I need. I would not be where I am today or who I am today without the benefit of sponsorship. I have been led from darkness to light, from black/white thinking to more shades of gray and to the practice of seeking to understand rather than be understood. I do not know that I am as good at 'it' as I got but I willingly sponsor others, praying only for knowledge of HP's will and the power to carry that out.
I believe that all things happen in good time and trust in the unknown more than before. I am grateful that those who came before me just kept suggesting progress, not perfection and as Jerry shares - practice, practice and more practice. I can breathe deep today knowing that my best is enough no matter the outcome - what freedom!
PnP - prayers continue for all of you in CA and the firefighters. The stories shared in the media are just heart-breaking. I'm glad that you're safe and not super close to harm's way.
Jerry (brother) - you're always on my mind and in my heart - sending tons of prayers and positive energy your way.
Today, I am grateful for modern technology....I was headed out the door to golf when my phone calendar suggested differently - I was scheduled to volunteer and almost missed it! I redirected and got 'there' in time and realized just how detached I am from so much because of retirement, pandemic, etc. I am grateful that through recovery, I have learned to just do the next right thing and not react to the change up...home now, out of the heat, relaxing and catching up. Love and light to all - a happy Sunday too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have known a few seasoned sponsors...and they have cast an abiding light... it shows.
I wouldn't mind being a sponsor. I have mentored three times- over a fifteen year spread... and just had one at a time. Two could be said to be alcohol-addiction related- but they were not Alanon members.
This is how things work in my neck of the woods.
I was the only male member locally for many years- so I have had to cut my cloth to suit...
...just my general share to follow. In our son's home in the North Island... Aotearoa... I call it Ao te aroha, sometimes...
which is a place where love can join with whanau- ohana, in Hawaiian... which means family- but more often a wider extended family as well.
Ch., aged 10 is away to school is and is happy and fresh on the Monday.
I used to agonise about family...and about the impact of alcohol addiction; along with all the wider range of addictions, escapes and compulsions...
Ma te wa... which translates as one day at a time.
Poco a poco, paso a paso, día por día.
Little by little, step by step, one day at a time.
I feel blessed... I did not think I would live this long. I did not think I would feel grateful and actually cheerful!
It's a bonus...
part of my dream was to be able to demonstrate what Alanon recovery could be like- practising steps 10,11, 12, now, most of the time...
Hello!
I am brand new to Alanon and after attending my first online meeting I started going through the message board and this sponsor topic caught my eye! I am in the need of a sponsor but not sure how to go about asking for one. I am currently in the begging of a divorce, hopefully going through with it to the end. My spouse is a high-functioning, stage 4 alcoholic, so no one sees his disease but me. Although recently some friends have witnessed his off putting behavior and I finally feel like someone would believe me if I had to talk about it. My spouse and our 11 year marriage, been together 17 overall, is all I know. I've had one boyfriend in high school then met him 6 years later...he is my first love...my first everything. I am a born care taker of everyone and everything, always putting everyone before myself.
So you can imagine how I am taking the emotional/mental abuse and guilt trips. I have lots of support but they really dont understand what is truly like to live with an alcoholic. Any advice on getting a sponsor who has experience with my situation would be absolutely wonderful!
Hope everyone has a great week!!
Aloha Kokopelli and welcome to the board with your willingness. Sorry you are going thru what so many of us had gone thru also. Alcoholism is a cunning, powerful and baffling disease which cannot be cured but can be arrested by total abstinence. I was born and raised within it on both side of my families and continued on in the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of the "fixer" person the disease needs to created absolute insanity. Been there done that over and over until I also found the family groups and became convinced and experienced about how to change my thoughts, feelings and behaviors regarding living in and around it.
Sponsors are guiding angels whether they know it or not. When you find one you can relate to who has the experience strength and hope and willingness to guide you along and over the path they took that got them and kept them sane and serene stick close to them...listen and learn and then practice, practice, practice daily. Find and get the literature we have and use to grow and complete our understanding and read it daily. Our steps and traditions and concepts make us different people which is necessary because if we insist on being the same person we can only get worse. I've been around since 2/8/79 and this never was an easy ride from the start for me...I had soooo much trouble getting it and once I did I got it by the inch. I had sponsorship that I knew came from a different planet much more closer t a power greater than myself and then I actually found that Higher Power who sits at this keyboard with me.
Yes I did have a relationship with the disease of addiction; drug and alcohol. She was my 4-5 relationship, an alcoholic/addict who I thought I could and would save because she wanted to be able to drink like me...I knew nothing about our disease and didn't know that I didn't know. Eventually that would all change as I attached myself to the fellowship such as this family and let her go in favor of my own life. I don't know if she is still alive even though I am back in the town we practiced havoc together with. Last time I saw her she was beautifully sober and clean and I had nothing to do with it...It was between her and her Higher Power and I got to witness a miracle. Thank You HP.
Please stick around Kokopelli and sit and listen and share and ask for help...you will get it. This works when you work it. Learn to see when your Alcoholic is moving with a Higher Power who isn't you. ((((Hugs))))
You can find healing here. Come with an open mind. Take what you like and leave the rest.
I found my sponsor at a Face to Face meeting. Kind of difficult now, but some meetings are happening, depending where you are. I have heard people who have met online, sponsoring... so it can happen.
The hardest part for me was walking up to that person and asking if she was willing to sponsor me. I felt sure I would be rejected. I am so glad I drummed up the courage!
Note: My first sponsor was not a good fit for me, so I took a little longer than most to approach that second person.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I must say, this message board is already helping. Just got done with an hour of ugly verbal abuse before he passed out. Tonight was some pretty hurtful words, then trying to be affectionate with me, back to being ugly, then affectionate....you all know that roller coaster.
Then I logged on to this thread and read your caring words. Thank you all for taking the time to share.
I got a lot of practice with that issue kokopelli when I found myself in it. I practiced the understanding that she/we were sick people and not bad people. Alcoholism is a disease and not a moral issue. Al-Anon taught me along with my sponsorship and the fellowship and all other tools, not to judge which was very usual for me. When I was judging it made me (I was thinking and feeling) the higher power of the two and I did some very sick retaliation for it.
One of the characteristics of addiction is relapse, in other words the ability to come back without much effort. It is a characteristic not only for the drinker/user and also those affected by someone else addiction. For me relapse doesn't warn me when it is coming. It comes at the littlest suggestion and then I find myself very quickly back in bad unacceptable behaviors, thoughts and feelings. I recently caught a spell of relapse and it was scary.
I'm hanging with the family, listening and learning cause this is my best chance and the alcoholic/addicts shield also.
Hi Kokopelli I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I too am really new here. I too have been through that chaos of verbal abuse and waiting till they pass out. So I believe I know how you feel and I wanted to let you know that I too can relate and feel for you. I hope you stay healthy and strong that is where I went wrong and let consume me everyday. I have made positive changes now and I know you can too. Glad to see a newbie here aswell I don't feel so alone anymore.
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