I don't even know where to start,  but up the street the guy who used to be my handyman, alcoholic major dropped dead from heart attack last week

forensics were out investigating, police, you name it because they had to be shore the body on the porch was not anything but natural causes (pathologist van took him away)

that left his elderly tenent Linda, whom I have had a tumultuous friendship with on and off for a few years, alone and afraid....so I , out of work, figure HP needed me to look after her and make sure she ate, drank liquids, helped her with the kitties and just general h elping out along with this very confrontational next door neighbor of hers who really tested me on my detachment skills

I did, however, tell her that I would not tolerate rudeness and are we NOT on the same team?? same objective?? to see Linda thru this???  so lets work TOGETHER or stay out of my way

anyway, then I get the worst back spasm, this time upper back and it is pressing on a nerve in my right arm, making it either throbbing with pain or tingling on the baby finger side

Pain was so bad, I had to go get a shot for the inflamation and pain, so I could not type and that Iphone microphone sucks, so today, I can finally type some

Linda is in nursing home so mission accomplished...she gave me a 27" monitor for bedroom computer.....a vizio 32" tv for the guest room,  bunches of really neat house hold thingys and fridge is stuffed so is pantry,  yea, she gave me a bunch of stuff she did not want to take with her or pay storage on....When she is nice she is awesome, but she can be a snapping turtle , too, and I had to gently but firmly tell her to settle down or I am going home, and so I was able to manage....with Covid, I was not expecting the nursing home to take her this quickly , but they did

I did not realize just how busy I was until yesterday night when she left...today, it was me talking care of ME....trying to stretch, pay attention to my body,  yoga, meditation, just being in my body...

I googled chronic back spasms and the neurotransmitters in my brain give fault messages to my muscles and they just "lock up"  but I if I can stay in my body,  stretch, be mindful,  BREATHE which is a big thing not being detached /disconnected with myself and my body,  MAYBE I can at least minimize these debilitating things???

slowing down, stretching, easy does it, was all mentioned in my research...

work has been dried up with this Covid so it was good, taking care of Linda and feeling useful, but I am so happy for her she is not in that cockroach ruin of a place she was in....that house was beyond filthy...when I would come home, the first thing I would do is strip my clothes off as I STUNK and toss them in the washer and head for the shower....

now the place is empty,  sister of the deceased will come and clean the place out, hopefully she can sell it but I doubt she will get whats on the mortgage balance due because the place is a wreck, but one can hope....I don't know her that well, but she seems nice enough...

It feels funny to be really done with "those folks up the street"  but I am and I'll be better off for it....

I will miss the nice Linda and that is the memory I choose to embrace...As I look at all the "goodies" in my house that she gave to me, I shall remember the laughter we shared and my prayer is that HER HP arranged for her to be in this nursing home to get her into a clean, safe, alcohol free place where she can even make some friends with the other folks living there...She didn't want to go...I know...change is scary,  but it had to be done....

anyway, thats where I've been at...

I hope everyone is safe and well.....I am on unemployment, still, thank HP..dunno when I'll work again....this entire week starting last weekend would have been really a challenge, so maybe its good I did not get any calls to come in....

you all take care

PS...I can share with you guys, but I'll take this to my grave regarding ever sharing with his sister, but this guy was a total 5 star freak...I found a particular type doll in his shower (you guys can use your imagination as to what he did with that doll)  AND I found a disk an it was all little girls, all beginning puberty, 12 years old or so, in disgusting pictures.....I freaked out and destroyed the disk.....I called my cousin because I needed to hear a comforting voice....

As sickened as I am , triggered, even, finding that disk,  what EVER good memories his sister might have of him (they didn't even speak to each other for years)  I did not want to ruin her memories of him by letting her find that disk....

Those images were so bad,  i am glad I am in recovery enough to have worked thru the shock and disgust....it took me about 2 days to sort it out in my feelings and my body....I literally numbed out when i saw that stuff.......

Anyway, I shared with cousin and a very close recovery mate and my 2 BFF's and now here on MIP boards I belong to , so I am getting past it....