The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Sponsorship is a friendship made up of two members learning from one another, two people learning a new way to live - one day at a time." ~~~~ from Sponsorship--What It's All About
Today's Reminder: Have I put someone on a pedestal? Am I encouraging anyone to have an exaggerated view of me? Al-Anon helps me see that while we offer mutual support, we must learn to rely on ourselves. Today I will remember that my answers lie within me.
The reading for today discusses what sponsorship is and what it is not. The writer suggests that she placed her sponsor on a pedestal only to observe a fall in time. Scared, uncertain and doubtful, the writer came to accept and embrace the answers provided were just her experience, strength and hope. The answers for the author were later found to actually be within her and that each of us is responsible for our own program and recovery.
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I must raise my hand as one who put my sponsor (and others) on a pedestal. When I did this, I too was disappointed when they showed their human side. It is in recovery and through the steps that I really came to understand and accept that we are all perfectly imperfect. We will never be perfect, those around us will never be perfect and we truly are just a large group of equal persons sharing this world doing our best.
I am grateful that Al-Anon gave me the tools to unconditionally accept others exactly as they are. When I remain open and humble, I can and do learn from every encounter I have, all day long. I know now that at any point in my day, if I begin to judge another person, place or situation, it is an issue within me. I find myself asking what is lacking in my heart that makes this person, place or thing seem wrong, unacceptable, etc.
More often than not, I don't get an immediate answer yet in time, more is revealed. I do know, that for me, my answers are usually found when I can trust the God of my understanding and my program instead of my own will.
My sponsor is a good fit for me. She has no issue owning her mistakes and has been a shining example of how to humbly admit them and make amends if/when necessary. It looks as natural as brushing teeth or showering in her, and that's how I want to be.
Long ago, in the other program, it was suggested that we can wear our recovery like a loose garment and adjust it accordingly. I really like this visual as I know I can tighten or loosen my garment based on my needs and spiritual condition.
Happy Thursday all - off to golf this morning - my favorite way to start the day. Love and light to all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for your service and share. The experience I had with Betty was so great, that I am having difficulty imagining working with a new sponsor, or perhaps I'm just not ready. I also find that in trying to write on the board daily, I get a great dose of alanon every day. Since I do live with my untreated A, there are certainly challenges that arise that I do not want to share with most other people. I also think there will come a point in time that I will want to go through the steps again. So I appreciate this reading today as it has given me food for thought.
Thank you, IAH, for the daily. I am so glad to have this page pointed out, as I've been thinking about sponsorship. My original sponsor, who was an absolute miracle to me, has moved on and I'm no longer in touch with her, although I use daily what I learned from her and will be forever grateful. I've been a bit embarrassed to not "have a sponsor" in the way I imagined sponsorship to be, a relationship with one person who could advise me and to share my step work with. And my sponsee, (the world's most perfect sponsee in my opinion) seems to have moved on and I don't hear from her much.
However, thanks to my involvement in Al-Anon in many forms, including meetings and MIP, I now have many people that I know I can call on or who can call on me. I love the quote about sponsorship being two members who can learn from one another. I have many people that fit this role for me. I have called people with questions/dilemmas about service. I have friends that know Al-Anon and that I can talk about program with, share how my character defects still show up from time to time, and get another perspective. Sometimes people have called me when they have needed to talk. I have a regular weekly phone call with a friend I met in Al-Anon, and although we aren't working the steps together, we always touch on Al-Anon solutions to our dilemmas. So, maybe I really do have a sponsor that consists of multiple people.
I've discovered that the Step Work Board here on MIP is somewhat active again, with a member contributing a Step and Tradition of the month. So I think I will use that to continue staying involved in the steps -- the key to recovery and to staying recovered -- and maybe work the Traditions, which I haven't done before.
My sponsor was suggested by my sponsor and what that means is that my first choice of sponsor was from failure to follow early rules of Men on men and women on women. I of course for my own selfish egotistical reasons chose a female as my first sponsor and while she had the time and the experience she also had the vision knowing what I was doing early on. I wasn't working my or any other program. I wanted her to work my program and to socialize with me. It failed and I got fired by her yet still she had the influence to suggest another sponsor for me, a male who she spoke with before she undertook the swap which was of course better than I could ever do. I was young in program and still didn't know that I didn't know what the disease was how it worked and how recovery worked.
He was a former winery manager with much solid time in Al-Anon recovery and also a very tricky knowledgeable person. He could do with a question what no one else thought was workable. He used questions to cause me to look back at myself and research and inventory who and what I was, had been wanted to be. He would double question me such as if I was complaining about a resentment and argument my alcoholic/addict and I had and I was trying to win the justification for why I was right...He would ask me first "What did you do"? and when I thought up the perfect response would then ask me "Why did you do it that way"? He taught me how to inventory huh?
He was Don T...don't mess with your recovery.
I could not have been supported any better in this program. Thank you HP...and AFG. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
...thanks for the topic IAm...