The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author reflects on step 3 - turning my will over to a Higher Power. The author feels a true sense of surrender when they take step 3. This sense of surrender is like the one the author felt when their sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The author was frustrated by their sisters treatment choices, and was championing other decisions. The author was forced to recognize the limits of their own understanding when someone they respected suggested that the treatment options the author had been championing could do more harm than good. The author realized that their sense of urgency stemmed from fear, and the only honest course of action was to turn that fear over to their Higher Power, and stop pretended that they knew best.
Today's Reminder: I am not a rocket scientist, a philosopher, or a wizard. Even if I Were all three, I would still find myself looking off the edge of my understanding into a vast unknown. As I recognize my own limitations, I am more grateful than ever for a Higher Power who is free from such restrictions.
Today's Quote: "...time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters." Plato
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Today's reading is a nice reminder to me of what I know and what I do not know, as well as the fact that I can make a decision, and change my mind later if I get more information. I think lack of trust in what I know has been more of a challenge for me that thinking that I know what is best for others, but I do find myself judging the decisions others make at times, and it is helpful to remind myself that I do not have the full picture, and that I can leave things up to my Higher Power, and trust others to make the choices that are best for them at the time.
I actually had the opportunity to practice putting this in place yesterday at work. I was consulting with an instructor who wanted to run class this fall in a certain way, and I focused on discussing advantages and disadvantages to that approach, as well as alternative options, along with advantages and disadvantages of those other options. It helped me to vocalize that I would make this one choice, because I care most about these advantages and disadvantages, but that the instructor should make the choice that fit best for them and their students, given the advantages and disadvantages. Vocalizing it helped me to give up on what I thought would work best, and put the decision back in the hands of the person who should make the decision.
I'm already looking forward to next week - my first vacation or time away from work since January! I hope you are well, and that you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service and wonderful example of how you are applying Al-Anon to "normal" life!
I found Step 3 was easy to say (with all the best intentions), but more difficult to actually accept. To truly surrender is to give up all power... and that can be frightening. So yes, fear kept me stuck.
I still find the need to go back to Step 3. Except now I do not take it as my "failure." It is just one part of how Al-Anon works for me, and how I "work" Al-Anon!
Happy Hump Day!
For some reason, Wednesdays have always been my biorhythmically low day. So I know that I need a little more TLC, a little more patience with myself, and the understanding that I will be more prone to complaining (to myself) on Wednesdays. So I work on turning around negative feelings to positive ones.
May the day be bright -- with colors of the August summer, and everyone's tasks today be workable!
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Oh boy! As a young member of Alanon I did not believe I knew it all. I think I skipped that adolescence.
I knew about "playing God". Recently a grandson had a crisis. He broke up with his first girlfriend over lock-down. His grandmother, my SO wanted him to get to a doctor, and by implication get treatment- if he needed it.
But I knew of old that his mum is wise, She has her own way of managing stuff like this. It had happened before when the lad was 4. And maybe this was the seat of his crisis. And I knew that daughter- his mum would build a bridge towards his dad. She would show compassion, and foresight and insight.
So the issue was sorted at the first line of defence. So far, so good... ...I know that the lad is not out of the woods yet. But this was a good first start.
Knowing boundaries as a grandparent is good asset. When to move, and when to back off.
This give me great hope for Alanon- for what Alanon teaches, long term. ...
Happy Hump Day MIP. Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH & Shares. I 'was' exactly like the writer - felt I knew what was best for just about any/every body around me. I also felt smart enough to offer advice, suggestions and solutions even when I was NOT asked. What this program has given me is the freedom to retire from this role and so many others. I can freely admit that the older I get, the more miracles I see and the outcomes I witness that are unexpected, the less I really do know!
Today, I get to opt out of chaos, drama, crazy and controlling people, places and things. I have learned in recovery to have and hold healthy boundaries consistently. I do not have different boundaries for my A(s) than for others and I focus on just being true to myself.
It works well when I work it and I'm really grateful that the God of my understanding is always present and leading me. I've just got to keep my own ego in check and get out of the way. The only way I know how to practice this is to practice this program as best I can each day, one day or moment at a time.
I hope you all find/keep your joy today. I've been to the golf course and am now home. I have a few things I want to get done and some rest necessary - donated blood yesterday and am a bit draggy! Love and light to all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, Skorpi for your service, all above for great ESH; really great page...
I try to return to this page regularly, need to continue for the reminder. It is so easy to fall into the thinking of knowing 'better', but even if that is the case, AlAnon helps me see that still does not give me the right to interfere with the choices of others.
I work on sharing my thoughts or information honestly, if appropriate, but not repeating with the intent of forcing change. It is not my right, I do not know what is best for them...grateful for the wisdom of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
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Oh boy! As a young member of Alanon I did not believe I knew it all. I think I skipped that adolescence.
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