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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ODAT in alanon, 8/10
Post Info TOPIC: ODAT in alanon, 8/10
Lyne


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ODAT in alanon, 8/10
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The reading for Monday, 8/10, compares alanon to the Bible in regards to how we use our words:  The stroke of the tongue breaketh bones.  Envy and wrath shorten life.  Alanon reminds us that we work to improve ourselves, and to protect ourselves from confusion, anger, and resentment.  We are reminded to check our part in the difficulties that arise with others.  And the reason to do this, is for our own benefit.

The reminder says that we can do damage by saying the first thing that comes to mind, and that a single moment of uncontrolled rage can have long-range consequences.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I like this reading because I often try to pause before I speak, and during that pause I have moments to collect my thoughts.  Sometimes I say aloud to the other person, I have to think about this for a minute.  I can take all the time I need to speak as a mature adult, who does not want to hurt anyone.  I have even said, Ill get back to you on that.

Many people lash out in anger and say things that arent true and are just meant to hurt.  My A has done this many times in the past.  Since I am changing, I can realize this is the disease speaking and I dont have to respond in kind, or at all.  I am trying to be the best person I can be no matter what my A is doing.  And lets keep in mind, progress not perfection!



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Lyne
DavidG


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  Oh yah, Lyne... you describe detachment so clearly and well... aww 

I was in a funk- a lot- during these early readings... and it is a miracle that some of the ideas in the reader

stuck by me anyway. I used to say: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will always hurt me."

The word "lazy" blighted my life... and I just worked and worked up a storm until I burned myself out.

Now I can read to be understood, and be listened to with respect. I don't have to strive to earn that respect-

it is just there- freely given and taken. I choose to call this unconditional love. smile Thanks Lyne. aww...



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PosiesandPuppies


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Thank you Lyne for your service, and David for your share.

I am finding much wisdom in Pausing.

Happy Monday y'all!



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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 
JerryF


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Yeppers I really relate as early as minutes ago as I went into reaction with my spouse for a continuous battle which has been going on now for a long long time.  She is who she is and prefers to remain that way regardless of my input and responses.  I need a break from it and to allow her to live as she has chosen.  My empathy and feedback count for nothing for her, me, us so I have again laid this in the hands of my Higher Power looking for change suggestions; some of which I have received and needing more.  As a former therapist I believe she needs therapy and for now that isn't gonna happen.  Program works when I work it.  (((hugs))) confusedisbeliefbleh



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Jerry F
Iamhere


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Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to you and all for your shares & ESH. I too use the pause to collect my thoughts and am grateful that Al-Anon gave me permission to respond instead of reacting, when I am ready to do so. Just because family knows where my buttons are installed does not mean I have to 'go' when pushed. I can pause and take all the time I need to decide how to respond, if at all.

I am far from perfect, but see improvement. In the past, when I've reacted in anger, it was also usually 'in kind'. If another raised their voice, so did I. If another called names, so did I. I was hellbent on being right and willing to die on that hill.

Today, I choose peace and joy over being right. I can still say what I need to say, be clear as possible and be mature and respectful no matter how anyone else is acting/communicating. I am responsible for me, and not others. I just know that I no longer get any satisfaction in one-upping another, which I did in the past, momentarily.

My serenity is directly proportionate to my spiritual condition. My life and days go much better when I live and let live and focus on my side of the street. No matter how many times I try to impose my will, the outcome is the same - loss of serenity. When I instead focus on the next right thing and God's will, my chances for lasting peace in my mind & heart are way better.

Happy Monday all - been golfing and it's hot here again - more like normal August. I hope all find and keep their joy, just for today! (((Hugs)))



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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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