The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in a whole other place on.denial.
When I come up.against other people's denial I.am not able to see how long tetm it.is Moreover I am not able to respect it.
I spent decades in therapy raging against my.sister's denial. I mean years and years just on my family of origin (which was of course violent, chaotic and totally enmeshed) My sister's ,(i have two of them and guess what I.am in the.middle), denial remains to this day.
When i visited one of my sister's (some time ago) a spontaneous remark elicited one short phrase when she acknowledged some of the abuse that happened to us. I felt the whole trip was worth it for that one single phrase.
My #bull in the china shop# stance to denial is not exactly helpful. Then the trying to #pry# it loose from some angle does not help much either
My own denial of.course about the affects of my.childhood was like #the north#.
I am dealing with that now in ao many ways. My health being one of them. I have major health problems, major dental problems and other issues all of them extremely complicated. I have plenty on my plate. That is not to mention the current corona virus which is, of course, complerely complicating everything.
My #bull in the china shop# attitude towards other people's denial was to try to gain some validation. I have had validation of course but not from certain persons. Those in denial are not able to validate their own lives. Where do I get the idea that they will ever be able to validate mine?
Of course I don'r I just feel if I make some herculean effort in the relationship it might happen
My plate is so full these days I have to gave more than a notion that someone #might# validate me. I can validare myself and take care of myself (albeit haphazardly). I do absolutely #crave# validation and it is a huge gap in my life deslite decades of therapy
Maresie
Sounds like you have had an "AHA" moment and are already moving forward. Denial is indeed a tough nut to crack!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Maresie - what popped in my mind was the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance & Action. I do believe that denial can be a defense mechanism we use when we can not (or are not yet ready) deal with some type(s) of trauma. I trust that when I am ready, I will be made aware and that's how my HP best serves me in my growth. Keep doing you, you're doing awesome...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The issue is of course not just my own denial. There is of course dealing with other people's denial.
I have to choose actively how I tespond to other people's denial. There is, of course, a choice in there.
One choice is to let them have their denial.
I distance nyself rather than deal wuth the frustrations. I get off the supergirl complex. Wanting to be liked, validayed and known can be just part of my life.
Moreover simoly #surviving# in this environment needs to be #enough#
Enough being able to accept where I.am today (currently without my dog) is a hard one
Maresje
I have learned to validate myself. Otherwise, I am codependent on others. And since others may not be in recovery, why is there opinion of me more valid than mine?
Denial is one of the horrible personality traits that comes with addiction. If I wait for my A to change, I may be waiting and waiting and waiting. I give my A my opinion of things but it is not fair of me to expect that my reality will be accepted or acknowledged. But it sure feels darn good to say my reality out loud. I can only try to be the best person I can be. Im not in charge of anyone else.
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