8.b. Made a list of those who had harmed us and vowed to get even.

I can picture an old timer i knew- with hands on her hips- and saying:- "now what have we got here? !!!"

In the USA people might have a sponsor- and do the steps away from the group. Larger groups seem to be a place where people come to show-case their recovery- but not to deliver deeply personal shares.

I reckon it does depend on time and place, and who is actually at the meeting.

Some years ago I found out that I was lactose intolerant. I did not go to the doctor. I was drinking cream by the bottle full- milk, cheese, yogurt, by the cartload.

A milkaholic, in short. But this had been my life. My mum did not break feed me. Our grandmother, her mother-in-law advised her against it. Because it would compromise her figure.

Apart from the lack of bonding- I got stuff like croup, glue ear, stomach disorders, sinus problems and hay fever. All because my poor body could not break down cows milk.

We lived on a farm- which gave us a ready supply of the latter. At every meal.

It was not uneasy body to live in. It has taken years to reverse those conditions.

This was all extra and above the impact of problem drinking in the family- and the family dynamics.

So I could blame our English grandmother- who tried to be posh. Or the prevailing culture at the time.

I think this is healthy blame. It reduces my anger- shock.

I ensured and supported our kids- being great fed and nurtured.

I recognise this in our, and following generations, dads take a much more active part in raising kids.

In our town the hard drinking culture that prevailed, when I was young- has dissipated, to some extent.

White milk, white bread, white sugar... much changed attitudes.

And alcohol, tea and coffee- as a social lubricant, and alcohol as a anaesthetic- not nearly so much...