The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now & then I really feel the presence of my Higher Power. He leads & guides me through all the good & bad. He listens to my rants & complaints every single day. And, when I fail, he forgives me. I am so blessed. Today I can truly sit here & say I never had it so good!
I know some people have a hard time w/ the existence of a God. I guess I still have the memories of child-like faith. I can't say that i always had faith. I really like the Higher Power concept of al anon. I guess because He is greater & more powerful that I am, I can accept him thoroughly. I am always going to be a work in progress, but at least I know he is there & that he loves me.
I can think of more than one instant where I really felt the presence of God. My own personal stories. I don't know how many of you know that I have bipolar disorder. I am always so it seems that I feel a lot of stigma. I don't think that people would trust my story as valid or sane. I guess I am not unique in this area. I don't want to elaborate on what I felt or what I have seen in this process. Some would call it crazy. I know I have had a few spiritual awakenings.
Today I have some issues w/ trust. I have had times & still do, of not being able to be around people & not feeling safe. I can go awhile w/o worrying or fearing other people. I guess it goes along w/ anxiety. I hope that someday as I share my story to others, I will find some peace. I wanted to do a speaker meeting a few years ago, but I had symptoms of anxiety & could not commit. I hope that things will change in me but maybe it will never change. All I have is today. I am grateful that every day is a new day to start again & that I can make new memories.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I am so grateful for another year of blessings. I know these are trying times. I get that. I guess it will be OK someday & that we will be better & wiser for it.
Kath it is shares like yours that HP leaves for me to read that lift me up so high and make me cheer and smile....ALOT. I have had many incidences where my HP has accompanied me so that I felt confident that what I was about to do was within His will. Laying in the street in a motorcycle accident shouting within myself "I AM AFRAID..HELP" and getting the response "You're no longer hurting....you're healing" and then having that miracle go on and on for a long long time astounding doctors and therapists and more and arriving at incoming xrays showing the broken ankle and the outgoing xray showing no break at all. There was and is so much more part of which the whole event, start to now is/was painless. The anesthesia doctor turned out to be a sponsee in our program and he came in to tell me he was sorry for the pain he caused in order to prep me for surgery and came to find out I had no pain anywhere at all. It took him three attempts with the last attempt being kneeling on my chest on the operating table.
God needed(s) these events to help others and chooses us who trust and follow to help. I have had so many life events to prove to me what the program has taught me from the start, that I was powerless of myself and not powerless when I choose to rely on Him. He even used my alcoholic/addict wife to teach me the true example of humility. I am back in Clovis CA. where Alanon and AA started in my life as the daily working program I choose to live as I feel his hand on my shoulder guiding me.
I did not make recovery easy because of all the rage and anger wedged into my personality. I fought alot and still do time to time as I forget and God is a patient, loving father to me so the faith that comes from experience keeps me confident.
I am grateful to be part of your recovery...sooo grateful. You have come along way and helped so many others.
Yes...God always steps in, as my and your experience and that is part of my prayer for all who have been harmed by the disease of alcoholism.
ABANDON YOUR SELF TO GOD .... Mahalo. (((((Kath))))
-- Edited by JerryF on Wednesday 22nd of July 2020 04:54:45 PM
-- Edited by JerryF on Wednesday 22nd of July 2020 07:08:03 PM
Thank you for your share Kathleen! I hope your birthday tomorrow is as special as you are! Huge (((Hugs))) and may you have the best birthday ever!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Birthday, Kathleen... I enjoyed reading your heartfelt share... 
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