The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you for the time ro read my concerns and answer me truthfully.
My husband is an alcoholic new to recovery like sober only for one month.
He's been home for about two weeks.
I have a gut feeling and strong intuition that he has relapsed and continues to drink.
The reason I feel this way is obviously because I have trust issues, but also I've noticed money is missing that doesn't add up to the receipts of purchases he says he gets. He has become less committed to going to AA meetings - he used to go multiple times a day. He once said he had serious problem then after rehab he said,"i'm not as bad as the people there so I shouldn't have had to gone to rehab in the first place. When he was in rehab I told him if he ever lied to me again or drank I would leave. He has extreme moodswings and when he acts out its the same as how he used to act out when drunk.
I have no evidence, and everytime I ask him, even in an non confrontational way, he gets extremely upset and starts blaming me and accusing me that I don't trust him. I want to believe him but I don't.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but my gut is saying otherwise. I know I can't control or change his addiction but I refuse to continue on this cycle of lies and addiction because its drained me mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Has anyone gone through a similar situation? Any advice is much appreciated.
Akdono, welcome! Not much time to write but oh my gosh...yes. You have described life with an alcoholic and the situations/frustrations that so many here go through. You are not alone. He probably is drinking. Most of the time you suspect it, it is because it is true...That said...it becomes more about your self care and not allowing his addiction to take you down with him. Hugs...
-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 20th of July 2020 09:49:37 PM
Aloha Akdono and welcome to the board and thanks for sharing. I don't know how much time you have spent in recovery as the spouse of an alcoholic and at first I didn't and my alcoholic/addict wife continued to use and harm herself badly. I hated it and one of my consequences for her was that I would leave which I did and she continued to drink and use. This is the power of alcoholism, a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. Although all sorts of disasters came about I had to accept that she was a sick person and not a bad one. She wasn't ready to get clean and sober or should I say the alcoholic/addict wasn't ready. She eventually got into recovery in a very significant way and when I last saw her she was very sober and healthy.
I am not in the Al-Anon Family Groups because or for her. I am in recovery for me as I also played a part in the damage the disease caused the family. I've been in recovery for a long time ....one day at a time.
I suggest you check the white pages of your local telephone book and find the local number for Al-Anon in your area and call for guidance and keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
You need not tell him what and why you are doing it. We are an anonymous program.
I think there needs to be a dual track in rehab. Maybe some of the higher end rehabs have them
There are a lot of issues when someone goes to rehab. Trust is a big one
You.do not say what the circumstances are that led to the rehab
There is no checklist to.let you know yes he is, no he is not
The good news this group is a great place to come to talk about where you are
Of course it is very hard to ask for help a d feedback
Believe me there are plenty of people in this group who have gone through a rehab
This is a really responsive group.so you will soon feel heard, known and most of all cared about. That is veru necesary when you are in the place you are in
Maresie
All I have time right now to say, is YES. TRUST YOUR GUT.
I have plenty of ESH on this particular subject. I will share with you later if you'd like, just PM me. But everyone here is correct... in the end, it is all about what you are willing to live with. It is about YOU. Al-Anon can help you weather the storm (Whether you choose for it to be a squall, or a permanent climate change that you adjust to).
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Akdono - welcome to MIP. So glad you found us and so glad that you shared. I am another who does believe our gut speaks to us for a reason. What Al-Anon has helped me with is when my gut speaks to me or nudges me, what is the next right thing. Before recovery, I lacked empathy, patience, kindness, compassion and sanity and certainly grace in dealing with the many challenges this disease brings.
I hope you can find some meetings to attend - face to face or alternatives with the pandemic. I found tons of support as well as usable tools in Al-Anon and I keep coming back! You are not alone - there is always hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Big hugs .. and welcome. Adding my esh to the conversation .. i forgot how to trust myself and allowed myself to get twisted up in the truth of the disease. Alanon reminded me that what I saw matched up inside my brain. I also learned after I found my truth I didn't need to share that with my ex. I really wasn't ready for that part at the time. Pretty much with my ex if something doesn't feel right .. it's probably not right. I don't have to live in the same state to know what I know when it comes to him. I still don't need to tell him I know he's having challenges with the truth .. that's honestly his business to handle. Now I am better able to state my truth when it's necessary and allow him to be where he's at .. i am responsible for what I say .. not what he heard. Hugs and welcome again. S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
In my own experience, my gut instinct was right, but I was in denial myself and so looked for other causes of my AHs behaviour - anything but it being due to alcohol. I asked questions to which he could not really give an answer - if he said no he wasn't drinking then I didn't believe him and if he said yes he was drinking well that just opened up another can of worms.
Over time and with my own recovery I have learned not to ask - but it is pretty obvious and I trust my gut - but if he is drinking then I accept that is his path and I just (try to) focus on my own life and my own recovery through the Al Anon programme.
Hi Akdono...
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