The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Finding peace and contentment whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not -- the author of today's page was able to get to this point by listening to someone who said, "You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not."
The author began to separate their own welfare from that of the alcoholic, and became able to detach. This meant acceptance and listening to others without trying to exert control. Now, the author can concentrate energy on their own life, the only place where they truly have some control.
Today's Reminder: My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.
Quote from Al-Anon is for Adult Children of Alcoholics: "As I continue to practice putting the focus on myself, it is a relief to see I can let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them."
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Building a wonderful life for myself -- that is, gratefully, where I am today and I almost have to pinch myself to make sure it is real. Spending energy on the ways I can make my own life better is so empowering. When I focus on that, I have almost boundless energy.
In my past, I totally believed my well-being, my value, my identity, my safety, my self-esteem -- was all dependent on other people. I had to go through some painful experiences, including marriage to a great guy who was also an alcoholic, to get to the point where I had to find another way of thinking and being. Al-Anon, especially working the steps, has helped me learn it is not just OK, but absolutely necessary, to take responsibility for myself -- and to appreciate the day that I have today, without projecting into the future.
FT, thank you so much for your service and above share, which is also my story. When I first heard those words, that I could be fine no matter what my A was doing, I wondered, what planet are you on???? But with practicing program, I am good the majority of the time, including bought my own place and live half time apart. Only from program did I have the courage and strength to move near my son and live there half each week. My expectations are more appropriate and detachment gets practiced often. I do have a new and better life and I'm still married to my A, for besides for her drinking, she is a decent and caring person.
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you and Lyne for your shares/ESH. My story is also similar - I really thought I'd come to the wrong place when folks suggested I could be happy, healthy, joyful and whole in my family no matter what anyone else was doing/not doing. Yet, the authentic peace, joy and brightness in the faces and dispositions of those who truly worked this program and their gently sharing gave me hope.
I am forever grateful that nobody pressured me to hurry thru the steps, leave my marriage, stay in my marriage or the like. I have never felt pressure or urgency to 'recovery' or 'choose' my future. Instead, I've been asked to practice this program as best I can, trust the program and a power greater than me, stay out of the driver's seat and allow life to unfold. I too feel I have an amazing existence today that I never could have projected. When I stopped trying to control people, outcomes and the God of my understanding's master plan, it's amazing how I changed and how things improved.
My pattern in life has been to leave/split when it got too 'hard'. What Al-Anon has shown me is how I define too 'hard' and how others' define it varies. I also stayed in my marriage instead of divorcing and feel no less love for the man I married 29 years ago. The disease has changed him and I, but today, I can love him and accept him unconditionally, and have the life I never knew I wanted but am grateful for.
Learning how to unconditionally accept another, who, like me, is perfectly imperfect has truly lightened my load. When mine snap at me, I don't have to wear it, accept it or even acknowledge it. I can simply recognize the facts in front of me - it's not about me, it's about them and move on with my day. It's not my place to judge, teach, coach, counsel, belittle, shame or the like for anyone else on this planet I share....
Love and light all - I've been @ the golf course since 7am and we've got 100+ temps! I'm zapped but it's a good tired. My son has tested positive for Covid-19 so I am trying to be of service while staying distant...if I'm around less, you'll know why. Hope today has been great - if not, change it up! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I had to learn to mind my own business. Sometimes by trial and error.
Did not know, internally about whatt my own business was, because my boundaries were all over the place.
In recent times I discovered that boundaries were formed by rituals of encounter and rites of passage.
With relationships, absence of rituals of encounter can lead to misunderstanding, mixed messages and all sort of strive.
We come into these, as we are.
I have spent over half of my life in Alanon and, in a subtle and very neutral way this has taught me rituals of encounter.
I realise now that, we, as members have to participate for this to work. But people who are passive, and sometimes broken, can find a way of doing this- when they realise that is it about trust and confidence.
We do have the right to be wrong- and sometimes mistakes can teach us heaps.
A climate of perfection will leave us stuck.
My AF father got sober the day he died. So waiting for him to change first was going to be fraught.
So glad i took heed of this advice in C 2 C... ...
Freetime, and hi Lyne and E., 